# My (ex) friend said he wants to fight me. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 7, 2013, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105 "2013-04-07T21:53:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/61 "2013-04-09T02:46:26Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > So are you continuing to drive under the influence then when you are out at these bars? I’m assuming you are driving yourself to and from the bars, correct? And I’m also assuming you are drinking at these bars, correct? No. I go with my friends. We usually walk to the bar, or someone else drives. Yes, I do still drink at these bars. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/62 "2013-04-09T02:48:51Z")
> [@razncain](#): > > What threats? Maybe I missed it, just did a quick read, but all I have seen here is that you told him if he laid a finger on you, that you would fuck him up. That isn’t a threat, that is self-defense. > > When did you notice Fred was a real A-hole, before or after his break-up to Chantelle? I too, don’t think it’s a class act for Chantelle to be sending out pics of herself and you to him, which she knew would hurt him and probably set him off since you and he had a friendship at least at one time. I’m sure the thought has occurred to you of why she may be singling you out for some of this drama that she is helping create though. She seems to be using you by showing you off as a trophy and that you are friends with her now, and she probably wants him to think it’s even possibly more than just that. I’m guessing you don’t mind much, she’s probably someone you find attractive and wouldn’t mind boning, and you play your cards right, she’d probably let you, if for no other reason than to get back at him even more if he has hurt her that much. But how objective can you be to your friend (or ex-friend) when puddintane is involved? > > But overall, since he did break up with her, and not the other way around, he shouldn’t give a damn who she sleeps with now. Just be careful, man. Before. Way before. I let most things slide though, but he increasingly got worse and worse. I do find her attractive but would never want to date her. She is almost as crazy as him. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/63 "2013-04-09T03:00:17Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Good idea. I know where he lives but I’m not sure where to get the bear or locusts. You can borrow mine. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/64 "2013-04-09T03:15:04Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Lawyer said I should call the police for the threats even though I told him I sent threats of my own. He didn’t seem to care much. My friend who’s a cop said I needed to call the police that night he assaulted me and now it’s too late. Another thing I forgot to mention is I am on probation for a DUI. So, by being in a bar, I would probably be violating my own probation. I really need to avoid Fred at all costs. Wow. This just keeps getting better and better. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/65 "2013-04-09T03:40:42Z")
Yeah, I’m a mess. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/66 "2013-04-09T03:49:43Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > I don’t see how I did anything wrong. Chantelle has never done anything wrong to me. I ran into her, we talked and took a picture. I’m not going to hate her just because Fred does. That shit is between them. You just involved yourself in a failed relationship. by itself it was something innocent but what she did was electronically shit in his face and you were the turd she used. > [@panaccione](#): > > **Astro** , that is really what I am worrying about. I’m afraid he’ll get a weapon and do something crazy. And you have reason to feel this way. > [@panaccione](#): > > What I did at the bar was simply walked away and told the bouncers. They threw him out and that was that. I plan on doing that again should I run into him again when I am out. Here you’re trying to justify your innocence to us and our opinion of you doesn’t matter. From his perspective you just rubbed his nose in the electronic poo she sent. There isn’t any logic in his thinking. > [@panaccione](#): > > I told him not to attack me and I won’t attack him. But I also said if he lays one finger on me that ill fuck him up. I know it’s childish but I don’t know what to do. I was getting angry getting called out like that and I thought maybe I would put some fear in him since trying to reason was not working. I would advise you to explain to him that the picture was not your idea and it was a bit mean spirited on her part with the caveat that people who drink don’t think. Try to dial it down a notch for everybody’s sake. I don’t know you or the other two but these are tough times for a lot of people. Try not to be anybody’s last straw. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/67 "2013-04-09T04:30:37Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Do that. > > Document everything. > > Spend zero time with either of them until they sort their sh-t out. > > PS- If I wish that you’d spend your time with people who wouldn’t pull this sort of attention-whore crap on you, does that make me a bad person? > > - Bad Person: population 1 \* Can’t do that. See post 54. I can see that you’re trying to help though. So, I’d consider you a good person. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/68 "2013-04-09T04:42:29Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > No. I go with my friends. We usually walk to the bar, or someone else drives. > > Yes, I do still drink at these bars. LOL, as long as you’re not driving is all. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/69 "2013-04-09T05:29:47Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Lawyer said I should call the police for the threats even though I told him I sent threats of my own. He didn’t seem to care much. My friend who’s a cop said I needed to call the police that night he assaulted me and now it’s too late. Another thing I forgot to mention is I am on probation for a DUI. So, by being in a bar, I would probably be violating my own probation. I really need to avoid Fred at all costs. So if I understand the situation correctly you could be minding your own business and a fight breaks out in a bar that could draw the police into the equation. For no fault of your own you could end up in serious trouble if your ex-friend can tie you to a bar. Maybe you should consider not drinking alcohol in public until this blows over. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/70 "2013-04-09T05:35:55Z")
Correct. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/71 "2013-04-09T12:52:37Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Another thing I forgot to mention is I am on probation for a DUI. So, by being in a bar, I would probably be violating my own probation. I really need to avoid Fred at all costs. :dubious: “would probably be,” or “would be?” If there _might_ be legal consequences when a cop finds you in a bar, you’ll want to find out for sure whether that’s the case. Weren’t the terms of your probation laid out explicitly when you were placed on probation? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/72 "2013-04-09T12:57:40Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Another thing I forgot to mention is I am on probation for a DUI. So, by being in a bar, I would probably be violating my own probation. I really need to avoid Fred at all costs. “Probably?” You don’t know this and you are going to bars? OK. Have fun. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/73 "2013-04-09T13:21:26Z")
I don’t know…I’d definitely wait a lot longer before I did anything. I mean, he only attacked you, threatened to fuck you up, and said he’s not afraid of the police. Why do anything at this point? Have you found something objectionable about his behavior? Go to his house at night, and start pounding on the door. When he comes out, let him know you’re calling his bluff. When he sees that you are onto him, he’ll probably snap out of it, slap you on the back, and take you out for a few beers. And, why on earth would you call the police? They’ll probably only make trouble for him. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/74 "2013-04-09T13:39:22Z")
I’m beginning to think Fred’s not that bad of a guy. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/75 "2013-04-09T14:21:25Z")
Right now you should be focusing one thing, and one thing only: _ **How do I minimize my chances of getting arrested?** _ Because you’re playing with fire here, dude. There is the _possibility_ your threats via text messages could get you arrested, _ **and** _ you could be violating your probation by drinking in a bar. So to cut to the chase, here is what you must do: 1. Do not call the police. 2. Do not go to the bars while under probation. Lay low. 3. Do not be with - or make contact with - Chantelle. Write her off forever. You don’t need that kind of crap in your life. 4. Do not be with - or make contact with - Fred. Write him off forever. You don’t need that kind of crap in your life. 5. Grow up and act your age. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/76 "2013-04-09T14:44:34Z")
This little detail interests me: > [@panaccione](#): > > … and we took a picture… Did someone else hold the camera? Or is this an arms-length, self-shot cellphone picture of two people with their heads pressed together? ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/77 "2013-04-09T14:57:56Z")
Probably with their tongues pressed together. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/78 "2013-04-09T15:57:37Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > I would not call the cops unless he is directly threatening your with any type of a weapon. Otherwise, if he tries to start a fight with you, let him make a jerk of himself in public where there are witnesses, and you should be prepared to defend yourself only to the level that it will stop him from attacking you. If that means you just walk away, then do that. If he throws a punch, fight him until he stops attacking you. As long as you show yourself in public as the guy who is trying to avoid the fight, you should be able to get people supporting you. This. If he starts shit with you in public, start backing away, raise your OPEN hands, palms facing towards him, and start yelling at him to get away from you, you don’t want to fight, etc. Your yelling will attract attention and what people will see is you trying to get away from him in a peaceful manner and not trying to fight. ---
**Author:** ![Tollhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e99b99/32.png) [@Tollhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tollhouse)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/79 "2013-04-09T16:25:36Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > This little detail interests me: > > Did someone else hold the camera? Or is this an arms-length, self-shot cellphone picture of two people with their heads pressed together? From the way he described it, it was arms length one of them holding the camera. It sounds like it was her idea as she ran and sent it to Fred and posted it on facebook. This is one reason I hate fb and will never have one. Why does the world need to know your every move,its obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![tullsterx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tullsterx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tullsterx)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2013, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105/80 "2013-04-09T17:06:18Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Stay away from both of them for a few weeks. You didn’t do anything wrong, but this is really good advice. Stay away for a couple of weeks. Then send your friend a text apologizing. But, don’t respond to his taunts! If you don’t want to fight him then don’t act like it. Stay low for a little. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-friend-said-he-wants-to-fight-me/655105.md?page=5)