# My ex-wife is, or was, \[grammar question\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [May 16, 2009, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682 "2009-05-16T21:48:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/1 "2009-05-16T21:48:27Z")
a good person. When speaking of someone I haven’t seen or heard from for a while I tend to speak of them in the past tense, even though I’m sure they’re still alive. So which is correct? Or are both okay? Peace, mangeorge ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/2 "2009-05-16T22:00:20Z")
Depends on your ex-wife, I suppose. Neither usage would apply to mine. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/3 "2009-05-16T22:08:25Z")
Edited title to indicate subject. Colibri General Questions Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Elyanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b5ac83/32.png) [@Elyanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elyanna)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/4 "2009-05-16T22:08:43Z")
Saying “My ex-wife was a good person” implies two things, imo: she’s either dead, or no longer a good person. However, this usage is a matter of style and opinion, so I don’t think you’re going to get a GQ answer. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/5 "2009-05-16T22:39:11Z")
Well, if you have not been in contact with a person for a while, you don’t know whether or not the attribute you are describing is still true. To use your example, you don’t know if your ex-wife _still_ is a good person, just that she _was_ when you knew her. Of course, while it is strictly more accurate (IMHO), many people do infer the implications given by Elyanna, implications I assume you don’t want to imply. ---
**Author:** ![FORTRAN\_forever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f17d59/32.png) [@FORTRAN\_forever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FORTRAN_forever)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/6 "2009-05-16T22:46:00Z")
Whenever I say something like “my ex-wife was only about five feet tall” my friends always reply “she probably still is”. If they didn’t rag me like that they wouldn’t be my friends. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/7 "2009-05-16T22:46:05Z")
“Is” would seem to make more sense in the examples you’re giving. ---
**Author:** ![mangeorge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d78d45/32.png) [@mangeorge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mangeorge)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ex-wife-is-or-was-grammar-question/496682/8 "2009-05-16T23:30:41Z")
Almost invariably, people at work refer to past co-workers in the past sense. And **FORTRAN forever** , your example is better than mine. Thanks. (Thanks, **Colibri** )