# My exboyfriend won't return any of my requests for me to pick up my personal belongings **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 24, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215 "2011-07-24T22:31:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/21 "2011-07-25T16:27:01Z")
What exactly of yours is at his house? This would shed light on the entire situation. Also: > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Looking at it from your ex’s point of view, you’re borderline stalking him. You treated him badly because of your own personal problems, he had enough of it and dumped you (not to mention the baggage he had from a woman treating him badly in the same way before), and you can’t seem to leave him alone. > [@astro](#): > > I’ve heard people say “I was in a bad place” as an excuse for behaving extremely badly, and I’ve got to tell you IMO that excuse never held much water. The flip side is that he can look forward to walking on eggshells with you wating for that rage-o-holic re-emerge then you are under stress. No one needs that. Both of these seem true, from what you’ve shared. ☹ Also, I would be freaked out, if an ex who had emotionally abused me sent me an email with just a ‘Hi’. ☹ Edit: It has this sense of the sender not being emotional mature and there being this… pressure on the person receiving it… ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/22 "2011-07-25T16:36:37Z")
I’m going to echo the others. It’s not what you want to hear but in this relationship you were abusive and a jerk. Your ex is perfectly within his rights to not want anything to do with you and it sounds like he’s made it clear that he doesn’t. Forget the stuff (unless it’s precious jewels or a Picasso) and move on. I also think some counseling would do you a world of good both to help you cope with your dad’s death and your mom’s poor health - my father died recently, I do know how tough it is. That being said, I certainly didn’t go off on my husband and act like a jerk because I was sad. You behaved badly. You need to live with that and give this man some peace. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/23 "2011-07-25T16:37:14Z")
> [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](#): > > Also, I would be freaked out, if an ex who had emotionally abused me sent me an email with just a ‘Hi’. ☹ He probably never saw it. No doubt the OP’s email has been blocked and/or he now uses a different email address. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/24 "2011-07-25T18:00:45Z")
Is there some mutual friend who can arrange to pick up your possessions and then meet with you? Let me add that I agree with what others have said - this relationship is over and you need to move on. Don’t try to use your possessions as an excuse to try to revive it. ---
**Author:** ![PacifistPorcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@PacifistPorcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PacifistPorcupine)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/25 "2011-07-25T18:41:04Z")
The first thing I thought when I read your post was what would I say if I read a post from him about the relationship, the breakup, and your current behavior. Just based on the information you provided, you don’t come off looking like a good partner to have. I (and from the looks of it pretty much everybody else in this thread) would have told him to break up with you, maybe send you a note telling you to stop contacting him, and depending on how many times you’ve tried to contact him maybe even seek a restraining order. As others have said, it’s time to forget your things and move on. Learn something from this so that you’re not back here in 3 years with a similar thread about another guy who put up with angry calls for a full year. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/26 "2011-07-25T19:25:57Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > WRT to your question, it sounds like he’s moved on. If you really want your belongins back, you better send him another letter specifically detailing what you want back, and ask him nicely to put it in box(es) and send them to you and that you will reimburse him for the costs. This. Don’t make him pay to ship your stuff. If you really must get that stuff back, send him a prepaid mailer/box of some sort to help the process. Chances are, your stuff is already gone and will never be seen again - much as I suspect this poster will be never seen again around here. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/27 "2011-07-26T20:00:24Z")
You treated him like shit. You may have had an excuse, but are you _really_ surprised he moved on? Let it go, it’s just stuff. Unless there was something of high monetary value (electronics, a car), just write it off. Do him a favor and stop contacting him. You aren’t likely in a mentally healthy place to be in a relationship _anyway_. Try dating around, see if you’re ready. It sounds like he moved on a long time ago after you mistreated him in a way resembling how he’d been mistreated by another. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/28 "2011-07-26T20:18:17Z")
> [@Sunshine4353](#): > > I asked him if we were together the entire two years before he died maybe he would have known me better and realized I was dalling apart inside and just maybe he would have wrapped his arms around me so tight so no matter how I struggled he would kept telling me that we are going to figure it out. We are going to get through this. But he didn’t and here we are…apart. . You are apart because of your behavior, not because he didn’t wrap him arms around you tighter. It’s over. Get yourself healthy and move on. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2011, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215/29 "2011-07-26T20:27:01Z")
> [@Sunshine4353](#): > > The poor guy endured this for over a year before he walked away > [@YaraMateo](#): > > He had every right to break up with you, but he was a coward to cut you out like that. He clearly has his issue. Wait. _He_ has issues? In his shoes, I’d have called the cops on her by now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-exboyfriend-wont-return-any-of-my-requests-for-me-to-pick-up-my-personal-belongings/590215.md?page=1)