# My Family Has Screwed Up The Holidays. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 24, 2003, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774 "2003-12-24T03:28:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![hyperjes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@hyperjes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hyperjes)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/1 "2003-12-24T03:28:20Z")
**d\_redguy** and I haven’t been to my hometown for Christmas in three years. This year, between my parents’ impending divorce and my grandmother being very ill, we’ve decided to visit. We figured it might be even more difficult to see everyone in the future and Grammy might not make it until next year. Turns out that my whole family will also be in town. This includes several uncles and cousins, as well as immediate family. The total of people I “had” to buy gifts for comes to about fifteen. Since a few of the individuals are halves of couples, the gift tally comes to around eight, at $25 apiece. Everyone has known that we’re coming for at least two months. We’re leaving for the trip in about six hours. I got off the phone with my dad a little while ago. I called him. Apparently, everyone has decided not to exchange gifts this year. They’ve decided to give lotto tickets instead. I’m not supposed to bring presents, because he doesn’t want anyone to feel bad for not getting us anything. NO ONE BOTHERED TO CALL ME AND TELL ME. So, I’m stuck with $200.00 worth of presents that no one wants. Did I mention that we are on a VERY tight budget? This trip is hurting us as it is. Most of the presents are gift cards. I’m not sure they can be returned. They certainly can’t be returned before we leave. Sure, we can use them ourselves, but we really could’ve used the money more. Plus, we don’t have a lottery in this state. So, even if they had called us, we couldn’t have purchased the lotto tickets ahead of time. Now I’ve had to ask my father to buy them for us. That’ll look nice on Christmas morning. I can’t even get them from him prior to giving them out. We won’t see him until we see everyone else. Damnit, I was so prepared this year! And I was proud to be able to give everyone something nice too! It isn’t so much about the gifts, though. It’s really that they made all these plans, knew I was coming, then totally forgot to inform me that anything would be different. Stupid family gatherings. If it weren’t for my grandmother, I think we’d stay home. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/2 "2003-12-24T03:41:17Z")
Too bad you already asked your father to buy tickets for you, so I guess that’s that. The same thing happened to me with my family one year, and I gave them my gifts, pointing out that nobody had let me know of the change in plans. People did seem to feel a little bad, they apologized, but I have never been left out in the dark since, and that was about 15 years ago. Holidays are often a difficult period, but I hope your visit turns out to be much better than you expected. Good luck with the lottery! Let us know how things turn out. ---
**Author:** ![NBIT33](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NBIT33](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NBIT33)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/3 "2003-12-24T04:07:44Z")
Just do it eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-BAY Okay, that doesn’t come out as well in type as it does in sound. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/4 "2003-12-24T05:09:45Z")
What kind of family gives out lottery tickets as gifts? Are you from West Virginia or something? This is quite possibly the tackiest thing I’ve ever heard of. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/5 "2003-12-24T05:40:23Z")
I say screw them and give the presents anyway. You’ll be the people who show a bit of class, IMHO. (There’s no way in hell to call back your father and tell him the ticket-thing is off?) ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/6 "2003-12-24T06:06:52Z")
You know, they call the lottery the “stupid tax” for a reason… ---
**Author:** ![Mayfield\_St.Cloud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/67e7ee/32.png) [@Mayfield\_St.Cloud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mayfield_St.Cloud)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/7 "2003-12-24T07:18:50Z")
My (unsolicited) advice: Forget about the gifts. Make the most of the time with your grandmother. ---
**Author:** ![hyperjes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@hyperjes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hyperjes)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/8 "2003-12-24T07:56:27Z")
**MoonIndigo1** and **Joe K** - I considered giving the gifts anyhow, but I figure I ought to respect my father’s wishes in that regard. I think it’s silly, but he IS my Dad. I don’t want to embarass anybody and embarass him by proxy. **NBIT33** - I don’t think selling the gift cards on e-bay would be terribly practical. While there isn’t any way to get our cash back, we _can_ use them ourselves, or give them to a friend. If we sold them online, we’d never get the same amount that we paid for them. After all, who pays more than $25.00 for a $25.00 gift card? Especially when they can trot down to Target or wherever and pick one up themselves? **Lizard** - No, I’m not from WV. I’m from PA, actually. Just outside of Pittsburgh, to be specific. I agree that it’s awfully tacky. My family gets weirder all the time. That’s why I live ten hours away. It’s strange to be the “black sheep” just for being a reasonably normal person. **pepperlandgirl** - I’m inclined to agree. I really hope they’re at least the scratch-off kind that you can redeem at the gas station. At least we might get $20.00 out of it while we’re there. I have no idea what we’d do with, say, the kind that you have to watch tv and match up the numbers for. I doubt that the cable company in NC carries the lotto results for PA. :rolleyes: **Mayfield** , that is our plan as of right now. It’s become the only reason we’re going at all. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/9 "2003-12-24T09:04:21Z")
Let me just chime in about lottery tickets = VERY tacky gift. I HAVE given a couple of lottery tickets to my mother as a gift, but ONLY because the tickets were pig-themed, and she’s hog-wild crazy about pigs. Seriously, she loves pigs. So even if her tickets didn’t win, she had a couple of very cute pig pictures. But the tickets were just sort of an afterthought, I was driving up to see her and I saw them in the gas station when we stopped to refuel and pee. This is incredibly poor planning on the part of your family, but I imagine that your parents have other things on their minds. If only I had seen this thread earlier…I’d have suggested that you hop down to the grocery store and buy a lot of lollipops, and hand them out as YOUR gifts. Everyone likes lollipops, or, as they are known at my house, suckers. 😃 That way you could make a subtle statement as well. ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/10 "2003-12-24T12:29:09Z")
“Hi, everyone! What, this bag? Well, I didn’t find out about the lottery tickets until last night- guess someone forgot to call me, huh? Anyway, I’d hate for all the gifts I bought to go to waste, so here you go! If you decide not to exchange gifts next year, I hope you’ll let me know- I’d hate to commit another faux pas.” ---
**Author:** ![hyperjes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@hyperjes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hyperjes)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/11 "2003-12-24T12:36:18Z")
**Lynn** , your post made me laugh out loud. I’d love to take the suggestion, but I’d prefer not to make any waves this year. We have too much angst going on already. **FisherQueen** , that’s exactly what I wanted to do. Unfortunately, my father put the idea to rest rather effectively. We’re leaving in just a few minutes. Might as well go on and get it over with. ---
**Author:** ![sugaree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@sugaree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugaree)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/12 "2003-12-24T12:45:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > \*\*What kind of family gives out lottery tickets as gifts? Are you from West Virginia or something? This is quite possibly the tackiest thing I’ve ever heard of. \*\* > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni_ > **Let me just chime in about lottery tickets = VERY tacky gift.** \*pauses with twinge of guilt. Shrugs and resumes stuffing Grandfather-in-law’s card with lottery tickets. We are, after all, very close indeed to the West Virginia border. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/13 "2003-12-24T12:54:19Z")
**FisherQueen** has nailed the correct approach. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/14 "2003-12-24T13:21:59Z")
First off, why exactly are lottery tickets a tacky gift ? I mean sure, under some circumstances they can be tacky, but under others I think they can be fine. For example, one year we bought my grandfather (a $20 a week lottery player who had enough clothing received as gifts still in the packages to stock an old man’s store) a year-long lottery subscription. Another time, I was in a twenty-dollar gift exchange at work - I picked the woman who went to Atlantic City twice a month, and who was always checking her lottery numbers and constantly buying scratch-off tickets. I bought her twenty dollars worth of scratch-off tickets. Both of those situations were because I thought the tickets were the gift that would please that particular recipient most . Second question- **hyperjes** , do you know why it was decided that everyone would give lottery tickets? That’s the part that seems a little strange to me. My family has had arrangements where only children get gifts, where everyone picks a name, and where a price range was set. Was an amount set for the lottery tickets, and do your gifts fall into that range? If so , I would give the gifts anyway- or give the gift cards to your father to pay for the lottery tickets he bought for you to give. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/15 "2003-12-24T13:32:12Z")
I don’t think lottery tickets are automatically a tacky gift. It depends on the person you’re buying the gift for. I never play the lottery myself, but my mom does occasionally and my in-laws too. So I’ve often picked up a scratcher for them as a little extra-in-the-stocking kind of gift. Also, among my parent’s friends, (most of whom do play the lottery) slipping a ticket or two into a birthday card is pretty common. And I was going to add a suggestion that **doreen** beat me to – use the gift cards to pay your dad back for the lottery tickets. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/16 "2003-12-24T13:56:40Z")
I’m amazed at the OP just because she listens so obediently to a father who will not even call her and tell her not to buy presents. We’re broke too. We only bought two presents this year (a whopping growth after zero last year) and everyone else is getting new portraits of my kid. And they’ll be happy with it too, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/17 "2003-12-24T14:13:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hyperjes \* > \*\ ***pepperlandgirl** - I’m inclined to agree. I really hope they’re at least the scratch-off kind that you can redeem at the gas station. At least we might get $20.00 out of it while we’re there. I have no idea what we’d do with, say, the kind that you have to watch tv and match up the numbers for. I doubt that the cable company in NC carries the lotto results for PA. :rolleyes: > \*\* If they happen to be this kind, you can check them at [palottery.com](http://www.palottery.com). But I agree with those who said to give the gifts anyway. And if someone complains, simply say that you weren’t told until you’d already purchased them and leave it at that. ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2003, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/18 "2003-12-25T04:22:31Z")
…at least you didn’t have to go to a funeral for a family member two days before Christmas like I did. ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2003, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/19 "2003-12-26T07:00:27Z")
I didn’t buy a single gift for a single person in the whole wide world this year. And I am seeing many people over the holidays. I heartily recommend this approach to gift buying. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2003, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774/20 "2003-12-27T17:36:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by doreen \* > \*\*First off, why exactly are lottery tickets a tacky gift ? I mean sure, under some circumstances they can be tacky, but under others I think they can be fine. For example, one year we bought my grandfather (a $20 a week lottery player who had enough clothing received as gifts still in the packages to stock an old man’s store) a year-long lottery subscription. Another time, I was in a twenty-dollar gift exchange at work - I picked the woman who went to Atlantic City twice a month, and who was always checking her lottery numbers and constantly buying scratch-off tickets. I bought her twenty dollars worth of scratch-off tickets. Both of those situations were because I thought the tickets were the gift that would please that particular recipient most . > \*\* You’re comparing apples to oranges, **doreen**. Yes, lottery tickets can be appropriate gift, for _individuals who gamble_. That would include the specific people you and **Jess** mentioned. However, the OP said her entire family decided to exchange tickets, regardless of whether they all gamble or not. That is the very definition of tacky. It shows that her family is completely unwilling to exped the slightest effort to buy anyone else a personal gift they might genuinely want and use. They’d rather just stop at the gas station and spend 10$. Lottery tickets are meaningless gifts to someone who doesn’t enjoy playing, which includes the majority of humanity. And because the odds are good any given ticket won’t win, essentially a lotto ticket usually amounts to giving someone a worthless piece of paper. I’m with you, \*\* obfusciatrist\*\*. I buy fewer gifts every year, and only things I KNOW the receiver actually would appreciate. It’s very liberating. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-family-has-screwed-up-the-holidays/220774.md?page=2)