# My father has died, long, sorry **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 13, 2014, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397 "2014-09-13T17:17:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/81 "2014-09-14T23:00:58Z")
**Baker** , I’m so very sorry for you loss… ---
**Author:** ![Whatever4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@Whatever4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whatever4)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2014, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/82 "2014-09-14T23:25:57Z")
My condolences. Picunurse is right. The pain doesn’t go away, but it sinks farther below the surface. Now and then there’ll be a bubble that pops in your face. But they get smaller and fewer. My dad’s been gone 50 years, but his birth month still gets me. Cry when the tears come, pound the crap out of pillows when frustration overwhelms you, and wrap yourself up in the memory of his love whenever you need to feel him close by. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/83 "2014-09-15T00:50:27Z")
My sincerest condolences. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/84 "2014-09-15T03:10:03Z")
Oh Baker, I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is never easy and losing one tragically has it’s own set of crap-i-tude. I lost one parent suddenly (within a few days of becoming ill) and the second one after a long, protracted illness. I can testify they both suck. Take gentle care of yourself and your mom during this most difficult time. We’re here for you. (((((Baker))))) ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/85 "2014-09-15T03:10:50Z")
Oh, **Baker** , my postcard exchange friend, I am so, so very sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like a wonderful, smart man and he raised a terrific daughter. I lost my beloved father over 30 years ago; it does get better in time, but please give yourself plenty of time to grieve. PM me if you want to vent or talk or ramble. ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/86 "2014-09-15T05:12:22Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss, **baker** I hope that a burden shared is at least, slightly lessened. Hugging you and sending good thoughts and blessings. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/87 "2014-09-15T05:15:36Z")
I’m truly sorry for your loss, **Baker**. He sounded like a very wonderful man. ---
**Author:** ![LadyMack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@LadyMack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LadyMack)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/88 "2014-09-15T05:36:22Z")
How wonderful that he was still riding, and how terrible that he was taken from you that way. So sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/89 "2014-09-15T05:58:35Z")
My condolences. It sounds like it was a truly amazing life. ---
**Author:** ![Cheez\_Whia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cheez\_Whia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheez_Whia)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/90 "2014-09-15T12:21:38Z")
My deepest condolences to you. It’s hard to lose a parent. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fool_in_the_Rain)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/91 "2014-09-15T14:48:05Z")
The memories, spirit and love of a parent is forever. **{{{Baker}}}** ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/92 "2014-09-15T15:14:01Z")
Again, thanks everyone for your condolences, thoughts and prayers. I’m feeling kind of unnatural now, because I haven’t cried. Gotten teary once or twice. I’m a baker as you may know. Have you ever seen dough rising? Sometimes it gets to the top of the bowl and you have to mash it back down. That’s how I’m dealing with the grief so far. I’m spending most of my time around my mother, and I simply _ **won’t** _ break down in front of her, because then she would feel bad again, and I don’t want people to think I’m trying to get attention for myself. Thank you all for letting me vent here, tell stories and so on. It really helps release some of the pressure. ---
**Author:** ![Cognoscant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Cognoscant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cognoscant)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/93 "2014-09-16T00:30:41Z")
I’ve loved reading your posts here–I just thought you might want to know that. I am sorry for your loss, and my prayers go out to you and your family, Baker. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/94 "2014-09-16T03:48:49Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Again, thanks everyone for your condolences, thoughts and prayers. I’m feeling kind of unnatural now, because I haven’t cried. Gotten teary once or twice. > > I’m a baker as you may know. Have you ever seen dough rising? Sometimes it gets to the top of the bowl and you have to mash it back down. That’s how I’m dealing with the grief so far. I’m spending most of my time around my mother, and I simply _ **won’t** _ break down in front of her, because then she would feel bad again, and I don’t want people to think I’m trying to get attention for myself. > > Thank you all for letting me vent here, tell stories and so on. It really helps release some of the pressure. Sweety, whether you cry or not your Mom feels bad. When it’s just the two of you, cry. It helps! No one will ever think you’re trying to get attention for yourself… anyone who does is an… not in polite company… ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2014, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/95 "2014-09-16T03:59:00Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > Sweety, whether you cry or not your Mom feels bad. When it’s just the two of you, cry. It helps! No one will ever think you’re trying to get attention for yourself… anyone who does is an… not in polite company… Quoted for truth. You mom may be thinking the same thing…that she wants to be strong for you. It’s ok to cry. You may be doing her a favor. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2014, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/96 "2014-09-17T12:03:26Z")
People, if you ever want to do something in memory of someone lost in a traffic accident, please don’t drive distracted. I’ve found out, from a police report, that the driver who struck my dad was putting a CD in a player. He took his eyes away from the road, where they should have been, and because a motorcyclist is a smaller “target” than a car, he didn’t look for him. My dad was killed so someone could change a CD. That isn’t right. Please, don’t text, don’t talk on the phone, don’t do anything else but drive. Right now my heart feels like a lump of stone in my chest. My “daddy” isn’t coming home. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/97 "2014-09-17T16:33:07Z")
I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/98 "2014-09-17T16:38:32Z")
Damn, Baker. I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself first, family second, and everything else is just details. ---
**Author:** ![Registered\_at\_Last](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@Registered\_at\_Last](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Registered_at_Last)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2014, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/99 "2014-09-17T16:51:57Z")
So very sorry for your loss. \<\< **Baker** \>\> Grief shared is grief that is more bearable. Let yourself have a good cry with your mum. As others have said, nothing you can do will make her feel worse. But sharing your grief may be a comfort to both of you. Having said that, I never truly cried when my mum died. At the moment of her death the waterworks started and I pushed them down. In the 7 years she has been gone I have never had a huge cathartic cry over her loss. I don’t feel like I have repressed it, I just missed the opportunity to openly wail. I grieved in other ways. So do what you need to do to take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2014, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397/100 "2014-09-17T16:55:36Z")
I’m sorry for your loss Baker. Your descriptions of your dad are great. And thanks for the reminder about driving. Unfortunately, driving starts be as unconscious a process as walking and it takes will to keep up the concentration. I’ll think of your dad every time my phone dings and leave the text be. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died-long-sorry/698397.md?page=6)