# My Father Has Died. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 20, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122 "2005-10-20T18:43:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/41 "2005-10-21T01:51:49Z")
Grief is the price we pay for loving so deeply. At least he didn’t suffer. You were a very lucky son. My condolences to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/42 "2005-10-21T03:08:46Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Grief is the price we pay for loving so deeply. > \ Yeah, that’s what I was trying to say. Thanks, **Shirl**. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/43 "2005-10-21T03:20:31Z")
You sound lucky to have had him as a dad. I’m sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/44 "2005-10-21T03:42:10Z")
I’m so very sorry, **Cartooniverse**. ---
**Author:** ![Sylkyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@Sylkyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylkyn)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/45 "2005-10-21T03:55:19Z")
I lost my dad nine days before my sixth birthday…thirty-nine years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t try to keep a little piece of memory of him in my heart. I am so very sorry for your loss, **Cartooniverse**. I feel your ache and completely sympathize. He sounds like he was a great person and father. You don’t get too many people like him in a lifetime. I am happy you had him in your life, and so sad he is no longer in it. Many, many heartfelt condolences for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/46 "2005-10-21T05:05:48Z")
I am very sorry for your loss . Compassion and Love. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/47 "2005-10-21T05:17:46Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > My dad died in April, and I don’t miss him at all, because he was a lousy father. I read threads like this from people who loved their dad so much, and are in so much pain from missing him, and I don’t even need to wonder which is better, bad dad and little grief or great dad and lots of grief. I don’t want to make light of your grief or anything like that; just to remind you how great it is that you had someone worth grieving over. My father has been not very nice, but I will still miss him when he dies. ---
**Author:** ![Mellivora\_capensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mellivora\_capensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellivora_capensis)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/48 "2005-10-21T12:02:00Z")
{{{ **Cartooniverse** }}} ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/49 "2005-10-21T13:37:55Z")
My deepest sympathies. Speaking from personal experience, there are many changes that occur after a man loses his father. It’s a painful time. But not all of the changes are bad. For me, I realized I needed to become more like the man he was, and I think I’ve made some progress in that area, over time. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/50 "2005-10-21T13:44:04Z")
My deepest sympathy. When my father died, much the same way as yours did - a massive stroke he never woke from - it left a hole that hasn’t been filled in 14 years. Dad was a big man in town and at his work, and many, many people felt his loss, but none knew him like my sister and I did - as a very cool dad. Sounds like you had a very cool dad too. Think of him a lot, remember the good times and the lessons learned and the laughs you shared. And thank you for letting me do the same for my dad just now. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/51 "2005-10-21T16:04:17Z")
My deepest sympathies on your loss and grief. There is no easy way to lose your parents, no matter your age or theirs. He’s your Dad and that’s an ageless thing. I was 45 and my Dad 78 when he died a year and a half ago. I grew up a lot after that day, having already lost my Mom 7 years before that, and having no choice. But in the moments of letting go, I was still his little girl, he was still my Daddy. And in my heart that’s how it will always be. I hope you find some peace and comfort somewhere in your world. I hope you’re able to feel your Dad with you still. ---
**Author:** ![Jake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jake)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/52 "2005-10-21T21:10:53Z")
Please accept my sorrow for your loss. As time passes, you won’t forget, but the pain will diminish. I know. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/53 "2005-10-21T21:21:53Z")
My gosh. I will return in the next day or so to reply properly to all of the beautiful, thoughtful and important posts that you all have shared with me ( and one another ). I am grateful to have found a community of such thoughtful and caring heart. In Peace, Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/54 "2005-10-24T10:08:33Z")
Coming up for air, and re-reading these posts. You know how sometimes you read something and have a really glurgy response? I’d this inclination to say loudly, "We all ought to pick up the phone and call our parents right now if we can !! " But the truth is that a lof of us have lousy relationships, or none at all, with our parents. That’s the way the world runs, and I know it. Knowing that makes me feel fortunate, because I got to enjoy a reasonably good close relationship with him. Time is such an interesting filter. It cleans up some stuff and makes nice. I’ve spent the last week trying to unfilter, so I can remember what truly transpired between he and I over the years- especially in my childhood. Not always such a fun thing to do, is it? Nevertheless, a good idea IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/55 "2005-10-24T14:24:16Z")
One of the best takes I’ve ever heard on parent-child relationships is that your parents weren’t _trying_ to be bad parents, or make your life miserable; in most cases, they were actually doing the best they could, just like I am doing now, living _my_ life. That idea helped me put away a lot of my old anger at my father. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/56 "2005-10-24T18:12:20Z")
I’m sorry. It sounds like his loss will be felt deeply by many. My condolences. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/57 "2005-10-24T20:31:49Z")
I’m sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your family - especially you. My dad was past sixty when my grandfather died, and he said it didn’t matter - he still felt like he had been orphaned. Be nice to your kids - they’ve lost a grandpa. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/58 "2005-10-24T20:38:27Z")
I’m really sorry to learn of your loss. I understand what you mean when you spoke of not being ready to be a grown up. When my mom died, my sister and I both said, “We’re orphans” - my dad passed away years ago. Although I have children and have had spouses, that “eldest” title still doesn’t sit well on my shoulders. I wish you all the best in dealing with the pain. I’m glad you had years to experience your father’s love. ---
**Author:** ![Cranky\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cranky\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cranky_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/59 "2005-10-24T21:17:52Z")
I am so sorry for your loss. I know words can’t really express the true depth of feeling. My Dad died very recently, and I miss him. Like you I remember so many good things about him. Your Dad sounds lovely and you were so lucky to have had such an outstanding person as parent. Sending hugs your way. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122/60 "2005-10-24T21:21:58Z")
So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you knew enough to value him while he lived. My deepest condolences. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-has-died/327122.md?page=4)