# My father in law has died **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013 "2004-03-29T03:51:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/1 "2004-03-29T03:51:12Z")
I’ve mentioned it before, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given 2-3 months to live around Xmas time. His two-three months was up today, at 4:55pm. For me, he died about a week ago, when he was no longer able to talk or even swallow. Ivylad was over there several days a week, and hospice was a godsend, and they made him as comfortable as possible, with oxygen and morphine and ice cubes in his mouth. It’s like He was already gone, and we were just waiting for his body to get the message. We got a call from Ivylad’s sister this afternoon that Dad was gone, so we packed up and went over. I brought the kids back home so they can go to school tomorrow (life goes on, and there’s nothing they can do to help anyway until the funeral) but I’m taking the day off work to go with Ivylad and his sisters to the funeral home to make the final arrangements. I’m okay. I’ve never had a loved one die, so I had some strange idea you’d be crying nonstop for hours. That’s not the case. You cry, you get over it, then you find something to laugh about, then you sit quietly, thinking. I had a good cry in Dad’s computer room, where he had his D56 and his train stuff, then we had a nice time going through pictures. I got weepy again when Ivyboy asked Grandma if he could put some stuff to be cremated with Grandpa. This was a man who loved Ohio State, loved trains, loved Ebay, adored his wife and kids and grandchildren. He always wore the Santa hat at Christmas when he handed out presents. He loved fried catfish with lemon, Diet Coke, and ice cream. He loved golf and football and Scotland. He was in the Air Force as a cryptographer and a cop, where he hurt his back carrying a tv out as evidence in a robbery and slipped and fell on an ice patch. He loved chow dogs. Goodbye, Dad. I’ll take good care of your son and your grandchildren. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/2 "2004-03-29T04:08:13Z")
My most sincere condolences, **Ivylass** to your whole family. I remember by the time my dad died, we were just hoping he’d go, because he was in a coma and gasping for each breath, for day after day. It was a relief for him, and for all of us that loved him. Remembering the good times is the best you can do. StG ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/3 "2004-03-29T04:32:38Z")
I’m very sorry to hear this. ---
**Author:** ![Granuaile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecccb3/32.png) [@Granuaile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Granuaile)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/4 "2004-03-29T05:06:07Z")
My deepest sympathies, **ivylass**. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/5 "2004-03-29T05:30:30Z")
My sincerest condolences, **lass**. My ex was the nastiest type of person! Her sisters were a little better… but still the same, my ex-MIL was the carbon copy of my ex… but my FIL… He was one of the nicest, kindest, funniest, down-to-earth people you could ever meet. I miss him very much! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/6 "2004-03-29T11:29:34Z")
I’d been wondering how he was doing **ivylass**. Take care of yourself and especially **ivylad**. It’s a situation I haven’t had to face yet. Call or email if you need to. ---
**Author:** ![LolaBaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@LolaBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaBaby)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/7 "2004-03-29T11:31:49Z")
my deepest sympathies, **ivylass**. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/8 "2004-03-29T11:34:52Z")
My condolences to all of you. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/9 "2004-03-29T12:57:06Z")
He is out of his misery now. Remember him at his most vital and full of life. Peace. Joan ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/10 "2004-03-29T13:31:49Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, IvyLass. My father-in-law died last Sunday (at 4:55 p.m. – how’s that for coincidence?). We experienced much the same emotions. There was some crying, but we also laughed and reminisced. He, too, was unable to communicate with us the last few days (morphine pretty much takes care of that). I’m glad you all had a chance to enjoy him while you had him. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/11 "2004-03-29T13:45:53Z")
Losing a loved one is a deep sadness. You are in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/12 "2004-03-29T16:35:29Z")
Heartfelt sympathies. I know it wasn’t unexpected, but it must still be hard. I’m glad you have those wonderful memories of him, he sounds like a lovely man. ---
**Author:** ![Lwaxana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@Lwaxana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lwaxana)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/13 "2004-03-29T19:17:55Z")
My heart goes out to you and yours at this time. (((((((((((((to all the IVY family)))))))))))) ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/14 "2004-03-29T22:21:49Z")
Thanks everyone. We made arrangements for the service today. It will be held this Thursday at 11am. He’s going to be cremated, and Ivylad’s sister is going to make a collage of family photos of Dad as a child, with his kids and grandkids, etc. We picked a picture to be in its own separate frame. It was taken about 11 years ago, at my son’s 4th birthday party, and in it, Dad has a Batman party hat on his head, pulled down so it’s a unicorn horn, and he’s pointing it at the camera and laughing. It’s a silly, funny picture, and we think it’s perfect. None of these stilted studio shots. It’s a candid picture of a happy man taken at a granchild’s birthday party. Again, thanks everyone for their kind words and wishes. We’re going to have a good cry at the service, then we’ll begin the journey of creating a new chapter in our lives. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/15 "2004-03-29T22:28:07Z")
I’m sorry for your loss. ☹ He does sound like he had a rich life and I hope that the good memories provide comfort to all of you. ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/16 "2004-03-29T22:45:29Z")
I’m so sorry for you **Ivylass** , and for **Ivylad** as well. When my Dad passed away suddenly, it was so busy and hectic around the time of the funeral and wake and stuff, and I found myself consoling visiting family more than being consoled. It was well after all was said and done, and everybody had gone home, that I really needed Mrs. Trupa’s shoulder on which to bawl. So son’t be surprised if this hit home later than you thought, although your dynamics are very different, since this is not unexpected. May you both receive peace, healing and stength. ---
**Author:** ![Archergal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Archergal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Archergal)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-in-law-has-died/237013/17 "2004-03-30T00:30:21Z")
**ivylass** , I’m so sorry for your loss. My mom died at home of cancer a few years ago. Hospice was invaluable for her also. It’s a funny thing – you want your loved ones not to suffer any more, but you don’t want to lose them at the same time. And then you’re sad and relieved and a little guilty-feeling all at the same time when they’re gone. Best wishes to all of you…