# My father passes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2011, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929 "2011-04-11T03:37:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/41 "2011-04-11T23:25:24Z")
Sorry for your loss, Sunspace. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/42 "2011-04-11T23:32:40Z")
I’m sorry to hear that. You wrote about him beautifully. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/43 "2011-04-12T00:25:26Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. Wishing peace and strength to you and all who loved him. ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/44 "2011-04-12T00:48:23Z")
My condolences to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/45 "2011-04-12T01:29:29Z")
I am now at my friends’ place in Sutton, Ontario. I drove here from Owen Sound this afternoon after parting from my sister and brother-in-law. My aunt and cousin were unexpectedly called away on Saturday morning… because my cousin’s youngest daughter is having a baby! And today, while my brother-in-law and I were sitting in the parking lot of the funeral home, and my sister was getting the death certificates, I found out that a new life has entered the world in the form of a 5 pound 2 ounce baby girl. 🙂 Of course, my first thought was, “what if that’s Dad coming back again?” I don’t _believe_ in reincarnation, but I like the art it makes. Dad and I were very separate for a long time. Mom told me that after she and Dad broke up, I would try to go to see him, and oftentimes he would be busy. I don’t remember this. But I visited him quite a lot at times, in the succession of apartments he had in Whitby and Oshawa. I met his new girlfriend. When I went to university, we drifted apart. After my sister died, I was in shock for months, and then kind of went hermit like my Dad did, but I fought it, and I had more things to pull myself out of it (like going to work–Dad was mostly retired by this point). There was even a time when I hated Dad for withdrawing, and I thought I was totally different from him. I did not see the commonalities then between him and me. I saw only the differences, like the fact that I got my _mother’s_ father’s build, while Dad was tall and skinny. I thought he didn’t really care about us. But one day I went to visit him in Oshawa and he came to the door all shaggy and unshaven. He was wearing paths in the carpet of his apartment between the chair, the TV, the kitchen, the bedroom, and the bathroom. The apartment was still tidy, but it was covered by an increasing discolouration of tobacco stain. He was becoming a creature of habit. I would ask him how he was, and he would always reply, “Fine, fine, just putting in the days…” I knew then that something was wrong. My sister and my aunt and I got together and moved him to be nearer family members. My aunt said that the increased social contact in his last years, both in the new apartment up north, and in the nursing home, extended his life by maybe five years. The quitting smoking, a legacy of his hospital stay, undoubtedly helped. I look back at that now and see all the things that he did do. When he was married to my mom, he raised a family with three kids on a despatcher’s salary. He took us on a car trip to the East Coast. He kept in touch with us, and helped me move my stuff to university, and came to my college graduation. He was civil to my mother’s second husband. And he came to Mom’s funeral. He was my Dad. And he’s a part of me. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/46 "2011-04-12T04:22:00Z")
Sorry to hear, Sunspace. My thoughts are with you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2011, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/47 "2011-04-14T02:21:46Z")
Thanks. I’m back in Bancroft again to pick up the pieces of my life after driving hither and yon across the province. Tidy up the apartment, turn the heat back on, get the science experiments out of the fridge (I was away 10 days), all that kind of stuff. I left in a real hurry. Upon arrival, I found a condolence card from my landlady. She is so awesome. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/48 "2011-04-14T18:50:08Z")
I am sorry but I am glad to hear you had a great dad. His life and situation towards the end sound similar to what my dad experienced. (Another Navy vet.) ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2011, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/49 "2011-04-14T19:29:28Z")
I’m so sorry, **Sunspace**. You’re always going to miss him but the pain will lessen in time. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/50 "2011-04-18T15:37:32Z")
I just saw this thread: I’m so sorry about your dad, **Sunspace**. ☹ (On another note: hey, I’ve been to Owen Sound! Toronto and Owen Sound are the only places in Canada I’ve been to, both during the same trip in early '93.) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/51 "2011-04-19T00:00:31Z")
Condolences on your loss. A loving tribute. My Grandparents were from the Bruce Peninsula. Wiarton area. ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2011, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/52 "2011-04-19T00:45:33Z")
Condolences to you and your family, **Sunspace**. Thanks for sharing such loving tributes to him. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2011, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/53 "2011-04-19T00:55:56Z")
Sunspace, I’m so sorry. I still miss my dad, but I’m so grateful I have such great memories of him. It sounds like you will, too. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/54 "2011-05-06T22:39:20Z")
The plans are made. We are laying Dad’s ashes to rest on June the 3rd. Both my aunts will be there, and my sister and brother-in-law, and some of my cousins, and some of my friends. My sister has asked me to bring together bits of writing and pictures, things we want to remember him by. I was thinking that this could be strangely-difficult, but then I remembered what I wrote in this thread. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/55 "2011-05-07T00:33:31Z")
I’m sorry to hear that. My Dad passed away two weeks ago yesterday, at 94. I had spoke to him on Monday, when he said he was feeling great. He went to a Seder Tuesday evening, and then started to vomit blood. He went to the hospital, was given morphine, and passed away early Thursday morning. It was quick, with no pain and no lingering, and I hope I go that way. Sorry to intrude on your thread, but four death thread would be too many. And, while I appreciate condolences in advance, he had done all he wanted to do, and I’m convinced deep inside he knew it was time to go. My great fear was that he would linger for years with dementia (he had the same short term memory loss **Sunspace** ’s dad had, but he saved his family from that. My brother and I spoke to him every week, and made sure to end each call telling him we loved him, so we have no regrets. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/56 "2011-05-07T03:06:01Z")
So sorry to hear that, **Voyager**. Dads bring so much to the world. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/57 "2011-05-07T03:39:48Z")
Peace and comfort to both of you, **Sunspace** and **Voyager**. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/58 "2011-05-07T04:46:04Z")
Oh, buddy, I’m so sorry you are having to suffer yet another loss. My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/59 "2011-05-07T13:58:56Z")
Voyager, I’m glad to know your father went as easily as possible. Despite all the tragedy around here lately, I have plenty of caring thoughts to send to you. Be well. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929/60 "2011-05-07T16:08:48Z")
This hit home for me…I lost my dad last December…he was 92 1/2. Console yourself that he led a long and good life, and remember him with love and appreciation. I wish you the best. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-father-passes/577929.md?page=4)