# My Female Birth Giver Commits a Faux Pas: Yea Or Nay? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 21, 2007, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700 "2007-07-21T20:48:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/41 "2007-07-22T15:51:35Z")
[QUOTE=sugar and spice] I’m a little unclear, did the seamstress say specifically that this was a gift, with no charge? It seems that she said she does some sewing work for pay. If it never came up, I would assume the work done on the first suit was a thank you for purchasing from the rummage sale, but other work would be for pay. In that case, I’d ask her how much she charged, if I thought it was too low I’d add in a little extra and ask if she’d like me to refer her to my friends. If she says no charge, see next paragraph: If this was definately a gift (ie, this is someone your mother is friendly with), then I would take **SnakesCatLady** ’s advice. Maybe even get a nice potted plant for her garden, and give less in cash in need be. She may refuse the cash anyhow. [/QUOTE] I agree. I didn’t see anything in the OP that indicated this was supposed to be a freebie. The woman asked if you had anything else that needed to be sewed. She was trying to drum up business for herself. The fact that she mentioned the cost of certain tailoring indicates to me that she’ll be telling you exactly how much money you OWE her. If that’s not the case, and you feel the woman is being taken advantage of, PAY HER. Ask her how much she charges and pay her for her work. Tailoring isn’t easy and as others have said, it isn’t cheap. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/42 "2007-07-22T16:12:16Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] The next question is: how much do I give her? She mentioned that she charges like 7 bucks to alter sleeves on a jacket. I was thinking about a hundred bucks that I can scrounge up as a “thank you”. Yea or nay? [/QUOTE] Granted maybe this OPL is not dependent on sewing income. Most self employed folk bring home at least $20/hour. Ask her how much time she put in and pay it. If you are scoring a high dollar job pay her well. One of the greatest favors you can do any cottage industry is keep coming back and or refer your friends. A decent sized office full of formal business dressers could make this lady a very comfortable living. As far as gifts/additional compensation, consider a gift certificate to someplace that sell sewing supplies especially things she will need for maintaining sewing machines. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/43 "2007-07-22T16:23:54Z")
Pregnancy byproduct–isn’t the offspring actually the product, rather than the by-product? I prefer “womb dropping.” Specifically for someone who refers to his mom as birth-giver. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/44 "2007-07-22T17:38:46Z")
You guys are just NOW noticing the “female birth giver” thing? LOUNE has been using that term for ages. I agree that you should do something nice for the OPL. I think your mom is taking advantage of her. ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/45 "2007-07-22T17:43:19Z")
Given that none of us know the intricacies of LOUNE’s relationship with his mother I don’t think it’s reasonable for anybody to be critical of what he calls her on a message board. In fact, it’s downright bad-mannered! As for the suits, I’d assume the OPL intended that she earn money from the work rather than just the continued repayment of an old favour. Give her a call or stop by and ask how much she is charging. If money is tight until you have a few paypackets under your belt then ask her to do just one or two suits and do more as you have the money to pay for them. If she says she’s doing them free of charge then I’d fall back on the $100 and gift of flowers. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/46 "2007-07-22T17:47:46Z")
Okay, zelie, you’re probably right: it was rude of me to make that such an issue in this thread, so [behold, my first pitting!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=8805145#post8805145) ---
**Author:** ![Cyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@Cyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyn)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/47 "2007-07-22T17:53:30Z")
$100, bunch of flowers and a ThankYou from yourself and **SheWhoBoreYou.** I understand about not wanting to use **Mother**. ---
**Author:** ![zelie\_zelerton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/59ef9b/32.png) [@zelie\_zelerton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zelie_zelerton)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/48 "2007-07-22T18:05:51Z")
[QUOTE=lavenderviolet] Okay, zelie, you’re probably right: it was rude of me to make that such an issue in this thread, so [behold, my first pitting!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=8805145#post8805145) [/QUOTE] Congratulations on bursting your cherry (pit). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/49 "2007-07-22T18:15:30Z")
Congrats on it as well. 'Tis my first also. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/50 "2007-07-22T21:11:03Z")
I’m not so sure that money is such a good idea. The OP is pleading poverty, and it might be seen as slightly insulting anyway. Flowers are always good, but how about LOUNE spending his most precious resource: time? I don’t know what his speciality is, but is there something that he can do for her that she cannot do for herself? ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/51 "2007-07-22T21:20:38Z")
LOUNE, you sound like my son. Hey, guess what? :smack: I could have had an abortion! Seriously, why question that your birth giver hasn’t already made some accommodation to the seamstress? I used to do stuff like this for my kids, before they all started making more money than I do. I did this so it didn’t look like I was giving them charity. By all means compensate the person who’s doing the actual work and assume that going to thrift stores and finding 11 decent suits is just nothing, nothing at all. ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/52 "2007-07-22T23:22:49Z")
[QUOTE=Uvula Donor] Do you have any documentation for \*male \*birth givers? Just wondering why you’d think it necessary to specify the gender there. [/QUOTE] Sea horses. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2007, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700/53 "2007-07-22T23:32:47Z")
What about reimbursing your mom for the eleven suits? Sounds like she saved your ass, too. Sounds like a chain of ungrateful taking-advantage, to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-female-birth-giver-commits-a-faux-pas-yea-or-nay/412700.md?page=2)