# My FIL **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 25, 2005, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167 "2005-12-25T15:41:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167/61 "2005-12-28T17:55:41Z")
**lissener** , since when is asking for something in return “blackmail?” People do it all the fucking time. If someone asks me for money, I’m probably going to put conditions on it as well, “All right, but in return, I ask that you, blah blah blah.” Christ. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2005, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167/62 "2005-12-28T23:11:14Z")
Why should he get the money? He is not indigent–he wants it to go see a lady friend. Or does he? Maybe he truly is that financially irresponsible, or maybe he is just that cynical, ie, get SIL to pay for it and keep his savings intact. Frankly, unless my parents need the money for medical expenses or housing or some such–they aren’t welcome to any part of my paycheck. UNLIKE this FIL, my parents and my inlaws seem to be focused on helping the grandkids get good educations and opportunities. My inlaws are some strange people, but they lack this particular oddity (thank god). Frankly, this FIL sounds like a world class manipulator–and noone likes to be emotionally blackmailed. How does he get away with this? His immature and irresponsible attitude augurs deeper issues and other areas of poor decision making, IMO. What dad makes his grown daughter cry and yet still begs for more lolly? This is nonsense. I really can’t see any reason for any of them to be paying this man for anything. He may be the family elder, but in years only. This issue is obviously hurting the OP’s family–one solution is to STOP enabling the behavior. FIL will howl and carry on and yell and makes scenes–just like the emotionally immature person he sounds. So what? Do you give the screaming two year old the toy they insist on having? No-you set limits and reinforce good behavior–no matter the age. ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167/63 "2005-12-29T00:51:39Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Ah. Good. So let’s make sure he spends the rest of his life \*paying for it. \*“Gee, FIL, I’d love to give you about half as much money as I spend on Starbuck’s in a month but, well, you remember that time you called my daughter “fat”? Remember that? Well, while you’re sitting alone in the dark, you just meditate on that, K? I’m teaching my daughter a valuable lesson in how to deal with moochers. She’ll be a much better person for it.” > > Wait till he’s old and alone, and then get your revenge! Mwahahaha! > > You people make me wanna cry. Give me the old fart’s address, _I’LL_ send him the goddamn $25, if you’re too busy teaching your daughters how to be better people. I’ll tell ya what you fucking pea-brained moron…why not just send ME the money. It’ll make the same amount of difference. Moron. Way to go asshole. Make yet ANOTHER thread all about how you’ve been offended by other peoples reactions to a situation that doesn’t affect you in any way. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2005, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167/64 "2005-12-29T11:05:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Surely you could have had him reported for tax fraud or some such. Well my mom works for the IRS, so I had an easy out, for some reason I didn’t see grandpa going to jail as the best solution. > [@](#): > > What the hell? Why didn’t you talk to the police, or a lawyer? Ditto > [@Uvula Donor](#): > > The first time I had to pay a tax on interest income for Gramps, I would have kept a copy of the 1099s with the account numbers and bank names…and gone over to the bank and looted the accounts. Teach the old fucker a lesson. I actually tried this, I was not listed as a signor on the account, so my name was on it, but I could not withdraw money from it. It was one of those UGMA accounts people use for college funds and such, of course it was denied to me when I asked for some money to help support myself through a 26 unit semester (fire academy). My sister tried the same thing and managed to catch a rookie teller and withdrew $5K. Thats what prompted him to finally close the accounts was my sister accessing them. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2005, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167/65 "2005-12-30T01:55:50Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > I actually tried this, I was not listed as a signor on the account, so my name was on it, but I could not withdraw money from it. It was one of those UGMA accounts people use for college funds and such, of course it was denied to me when I asked for some money to help support myself through a 26 unit semester (fire academy). My sister tried the same thing and managed to catch a rookie teller and withdrew $5K. Thats what prompted him to finally close the accounts was my sister accessing them. If it was an UTMA account, was the money actually yours, just not at that particular time? Were you ever able to access it? Because that’s what UTMA accounts are SUPPOSED to be used for. I’m just flabbergasted that a grandparent would actively fuck their grandchildren over like that (if the trust wasn’t actually for them, but just set up as a way of avoiding taxes for grandpa) and that the children’s parents would stand for it. I’d be more pissed at my parents for allowing grandpa to do that than at grandpa, actually. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2005, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167/66 "2005-12-30T04:46:24Z")
I’m sorry to hear about this situation, **Dutchman**. I think the only advice I could give you and your wife that would be of any use would be for your wife to examine the situation, and make a decision that is right FOR HER, not for the rest of the family. That means staying firm on her boundaries and not letting guilt be a part of the decision. If she feels that she is comfortable giving her father $25 a month for an indefinite period, than good for her. If she feels like she is being manipulated into doing it and she will resent it, then she needs to firmly and kindly tell her father that she will not be doing it (she doesn’t need to tell her sisters - this isn’t their business. It’s between each daughter and her father.) And good for you for paying off the mortgage! I imagine what being debt-free will be like some day; I think I’ll throw a huge party! ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167/67 "2005-12-31T02:06:17Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > If it was an UTMA account, was the money actually yours, just not at that particular time? Were you ever able to access it? Because that’s what UTMA accounts are SUPPOSED to be used for. I’m just flabbergasted that a grandparent would actively fuck their grandchildren over like that (if the trust wasn’t actually for them, but just set up as a way of avoiding taxes for grandpa) and that the children’s parents would stand for it. I’d be more pissed at my parents for allowing grandpa to do that than at grandpa, actually. Well, in a nutshell the whole family has put up with a lot of BS from him over the years, but hes scary loaded and the will has generous distributions to all of the affected parties (like properly managed never have to work again scale). So nobody wants to be the one to step up and tell him what a prick he was, myself included. He has chilled out alot over the last 10 years so we have basically put it all behind us and moved on, this thread just reminded me of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fil/337167.md?page=3)