# My finger is not an avocado. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 23, 2012, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595 "2012-09-23T15:23:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/21 "2012-09-23T23:53:50Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > … which listed the humble avocado as the favorite fruit among Texas prison inmates for sexual gratification. Really. And I am glad there was nothing like that involved here. What the why I never!? I have a pretty good imagination and my mind takes up residence in the gutter a large percentage of the time and I _still_ can’t figure out the logistics on this one. Someone want to draw me a picture? ---
**Author:** ![biqu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@biqu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biqu)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/22 "2012-09-24T00:51:17Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > Rule #1 - work with sharp knives. A cut with a dull one is so much worse. Mmm…avocados are natures’ butter. I hope you heal well. I’m not sure in what sense you intended “nature’s butter”, but it’s certainly the case that a ripe avocado is soft enough to be sliced through with a butter knife. A butter knife, being quite dull, has never in my experience been the instrument of bloodshed, so it’s my tool of choice when dealing with slippery fruits like mango or avocado. Even when making guacamole, for which some recipes might call for minced garlic and other ingredients necessitating a sharp chef’s knife, the motive of saving rinse water by utilizing only one knife seems petty compared to the directive of self-preservation. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/23 "2012-09-24T03:28:44Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > I am very sorry to hear about your accident. ☹ But my interest was piqued when I read “finger” and “avocado” together in the title, as my mind immediately flashed to an article I read long, long ago in _Texas Monthly_, which listed the humble avocado as the favorite fruit among Texas prison inmates for sexual gratification. Really. And I am glad there was nothing like that involved here. > > The monsoon season always gets me to feeling a little frisky, I think. > [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#): > > What the why I never!? > > I have a pretty good imagination and my mind takes up residence in the gutter a large percentage of the time and I _still_ can’t figure out the logistics on this one. > > Someone want to draw me a picture? Those who know claim that the inside of an avocado best re-creates that vaginal feel. Better than, say, a watermelon or cantaloupe, I guess. Good to know these things in case you’re ever sent to prison. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/24 "2012-09-24T03:50:01Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Those who know claim that the inside of an avocado best re-creates that vaginal feel. Better than, say, a watermelon or cantaloupe, I guess. > > Good to know these things in case you’re ever sent to prison. 😉 That brought up more questions but then my imagination started working again. Sadly, I don’t think that information will ever help me in prison should I ever find myself there. If _you_ ever end up there let me know; I’ll send you a care package. Maybe. Seems like a waste of a perfectly good avocado. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/25 "2012-09-24T04:15:42Z")
> [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](#): > > Seems like a waste of a perfectly good avocado. Funny, but that’s what the inmates say when they see a salad. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/26 "2012-09-24T04:23:09Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > We didn’t end up eating it, either. Poor avocado. After the sexual gratification story, I didn’t want any avocado either. ---
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/27 "2012-09-24T04:44:58Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > After the sexual gratification story, I didn’t want any avocado either. Funny, it motivated me to make a wrap. Romaine, red pepper, red onion, cream cheese, roasted red pepper hummus and mmmm…avocado. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/28 "2012-09-24T05:00:17Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Those who know claim that the inside of an avocado best re-creates that vaginal feel. Better than, say, a watermelon or cantaloupe, I guess. > > Good to know these things in case you’re ever sent to prison. 😉 Sticking it in a fruit just seems to be begging for a UTI. ---
**Author:** ![AaronX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7bcc69/32.png) [@AaronX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AaronX)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/29 "2012-09-24T09:05:18Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > Rule #1 - work with sharp knives. A cut with a dull one is so much worse. Mmm…avocados are natures’ butter. I hope you heal well. That’s what they say, isn’t it? But it looks like a blunt knife would have been safer here. > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Those who know claim that the inside of an avocado best re-creates that vaginal feel. Better than, say, a watermelon or cantaloupe, I guess. > > Good to know these things in case you’re ever sent to prison. 😉 Are American avocados bigger? Because those I’ve seen are 4" long at the most. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/30 "2012-09-24T11:28:41Z")
A friend works in a hospital ER. She told me that knife wounds from slicing bagels outnumber heroin ODs where she works, therefore we should legalize heroin and outlaw bagels. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/31 "2012-09-24T14:02:40Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > A friend works in a hospital ER. She told me that knife wounds from slicing bagels outnumber heroin ODs where she works, therefore we should legalize heroin and outlaw bagels. Ha! Finger is doing well. I was able to ride my bike to work this morning (I was worried about braking) but typing is a pain. Only really hurts if I stretch my finger backwards like I did somehow in the middle of the night, waking to searing pain, sure I tore a stitch (I didn’t). ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/32 "2012-09-24T14:10:06Z")
> [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](#): > > Ok. I give up. What _is_ your finger then? I see you’ve played knifey-fingy before. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/33 "2012-09-24T14:17:12Z")
> [@AaronX](#): > > Are American avocados bigger? Because those I’ve seen are 4" long at the most. Unless the ones in the Target Grocery are outliers, no, no they are not. I don’t understand how this works. Do you fuck around the pit or is there some way to remove it without completely destroying any sort of hole capability of the avocado. Unless, it’s more of a donut design? But that’s just weird. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/34 "2012-09-25T03:06:57Z")
IIRC, the _Texas Monthly_ did not go into the logistics of the act. But I would assume it is not necessary to enter the fruit – or any other object – all the way to the hilt to obtain the desired results. We have some prison employees here on the Board. Perhaps they could lend a hand. (With telling us more about how it works, I mean.) Meanwhile, here are [20 facts about avocados](http://www.healthdiaries.com/eatthis/20-facts-about-avocados.html). I note the fourth one down: The Aztec word for avocado was _ahuacatl_, which means “testicle tree.” Obviously, this is one sexy fruit. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/35 "2012-09-25T04:00:13Z")
I am no officially never eating or touching avocados again. They’re just too dangerous between the blood shed and STDs. YUCK. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/36 "2012-09-25T04:16:16Z")
> [@Enkel](#): > > I am no officially never eating or touching avocados again. They’re just too dangerous between the blood shed and STDs. YUCK. Right, you’ll only eat and touch them **un** officially. Much safer. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/37 "2012-09-25T19:27:59Z")
An avocado you cannot cut up using a butter knife, ain’t ripe. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/38 "2012-09-26T00:46:13Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Right, you’ll only eat and touch them **un** officially. Much safer. Touching an unofficial avocado is more likely to give you an STD. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/39 "2012-09-26T01:34:43Z")
Your finger may not be an avocado, but my uvula is not a ball bearing. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595/40 "2012-09-26T01:39:22Z")
It’ll behoove you to care for your uvula! … Good to know you are healing, **EmAnJ**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-finger-is-not-an-avocado/635595.md?page=1)