# My first haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 28, 2004, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017 "2004-11-28T17:26:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/1 "2004-11-28T17:26:57Z")
A mouth hanging open Vacuous eyes glaze over… I do not get it ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/2 "2004-11-28T17:28:45Z")
Wow. I’ve never read a poem that more accurately described my life! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/3 "2004-11-28T17:58:07Z")
This is the only haiku I have ever written, for an English assignment in 10th grade. Haiku A three lined poem Can’t contain no rhymes at all? Stupid assignment I got a B… but it was the most popular one in the teacher’s lounge. ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/4 "2004-11-28T18:07:38Z")
BWAAAAAHAA! So my meaning actually did come through! Astro… you poor kid, come on over and I’ll try to fix it. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/5 "2004-11-28T18:18:01Z")
> [@indecisive1](#): > > A mouth hanging open > Vacuous eyes glaze over… > I do not get it Isn’t that an extra syllable? Now, if you had said "A mouth **hangs** open . . . " Oh well, pretty good for a first try, I guess. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/6 "2004-11-28T18:41:04Z")
> [@](#): > > I do not get it The point of a haiku is that the restrictions mean you have to think really hard to condense the poem’s meaning down to its absolute minimum. A good haiku will give you a sense of time and space in the tiniest little phrase. The original ones as popularised by [Basho](http://www.big.or.jp/~loupe/links/ehisto/ebasho.shtml) also had to contain environmental detail. His most famous one is: The old pool. A frog jumps. The sound of water. (Not adhering to the 5-7-5 rule because of translation from the Japanese.) For all the laughable simplicity of this poem, I find that for me it actually does conjure an entire mood and sense of place. I can see the whole scenario in my mind, despite it only being 10 words long. Anyone else see a rocky, moss-covered pool in a forest, lit with dappled light, and hear the silence broken by a plop and a splash? I know I do. Anyway, most haiku you see on the web ignore these considerations and just stick to the syllabic form, and are therefore dull, uninspired, and pointless. Here’s one of mine: Dublin Bay is blurred Behind the winter raindrops. Or are they my tears? If you want rhymes, try the “limeraiku”: There’s a vile old man Of Japan who roars at whores “Where’s your bloody fan?” ---
**Author:** ![seosamh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@seosamh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seosamh)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/7 "2004-11-28T18:42:29Z")
To express ones thoughts In seventeen syllables Is very diffic… (John Cooper Clarke, 1978) ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/8 "2004-11-28T18:52:48Z")
I once lost a bet on tour with my band and could only speak in haiku for 48 hours thereafter. We were in Key West, and every moment not on stage we were drunk as monkeys running around town. not the easiest situation to create delicate poetry in. It was really hard at first, but got surprisingly easy very quickly. I can still whip out haiku faster than anyone I know because of it. For example: I am so thirsty Please let the bartender know More whiskey for me When you come back in Play the pickup more quickly Last time it dragged some Please explain to her That I am not retarded I just lost a bet And so on - for two days. It included patter from the stage, and it didn’t matter how intoxicated I was - if they heard one non-haiku phrase come out of my mouth, I would have had to drive the entire way back until we got out of Florida. ---
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/9 "2004-11-28T18:58:40Z")
My first attempts from many years ago: Translucent dew drop Hesitates on edge of leaf Holds its nose – and jumps! Shiny tomato Pinched in questioning fingers Cries juicy, red tears Bathers turn on spits Of sand as Sol, the summer Fry-cook plies his trade With foamy fingers The surf massages one and All in broad daylight Distant lighthouse winks As fog and moonlight conspire With lovers and sand The gull, its wings a Wispy, feathered fan, searches The wharves for handouts The evening sun primps In the ocean’s vast mirror Before stepping out Cheeks are turning red Eyes are bugged out of my head Jocky shorts too tight! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/10 "2004-11-28T19:03:13Z")
I really like some of those, **DesertGeezer**. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/11 "2004-11-28T20:58:58Z")
My first was: Don’t cry when I die You don’t know what death is like I may enjoy it. The odd thing was, when I wrote it, I had no idea what a haiku was and had never heard of the form. It’s just coincidence that it fits the rhythm scheme. I prefer doing double dactyls or clerlihews these days. More challenging. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2004, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/12 "2004-11-28T23:22:48Z")
My left kidney is gone. I saw it there on my plate. My left kidney is gone. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/13 "2004-11-29T03:21:37Z")
First five syllables Then seven, then five again Stupid bloody things ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/14 "2004-11-29T11:01:36Z")
OK here’s my second haiku: _The cryptic message upon my computer screen leaves me mystified._ Same theme as my first, but with fixed syllable count. I’ve tried to work in a sense of place (infront of my computer) but how to work time into it I don’t know. It seems like too much of a complete sentence though. How about (my third attempt): _A cryptic message upon my computer screen. I am mystified._ I’m going to have to keep working on this. I started out posting this as a joke, but now I’m getting into it! Thanks for the pointers and examples everyone! ---
**Author:** ![indecisive1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/41988e/32.png) [@indecisive1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/indecisive1)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2004, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-haiku/277017/15 "2004-11-29T11:37:21Z")
OK, here it is with a sense of time, but no sense of place: _Reading a message Rich morning coffee in hand. Meaning is unclear._ OK I’ll stop now.