# My first TMI thread...or, where my best friend lets me go down on his wife... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064 "2003-04-02T22:12:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/121 "2003-04-04T00:47:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Igloo \* > \*\*For the record, your tone, to me, seems pretty arrogant and that’s why I am having a hard time processing or caring about your unbelievable technique. Also, I got a smarmy vibe when you suggested Birdgirl contact you off line. Giving the explicit language and posts in this thread, I don’t understand why you can’t assist her in the forum. \*\* Exactly. When i saw you suggest an off-line chat on the topic to **birdgirl** , it only served to further heighten my skepticism of your motives. You claim your OP was really mainly concerned with the poll question at the end, yet you seem more concerned with setting youself up as the cunnilinguru of the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/122 "2003-04-04T00:51:57Z")
**mhendo,** thank you for the clarifications. It comes off much better in your second post, and less like a personal attack. I suppose I could be a bit overly sensitive, since I’ve been hammered pretty hard a few times in this thread today. My webpage consists solely of 2 pictures of myself because that’s all I have felt compelled to put there. I was asked by a Doper once what I looked like, and that was my solution. I’ve just never seen the need to put anything else there, but now that you mention it, I might put up some hobbies, or something… **Igloo,** didn’t mean to come across as “smarmy,” but rather I was going to point **birdgirl** to some links that might be informative, but less-than-appropriate here - not all of them sexual, some of them quite medical in nature, but still private enough that I didn’t want to broadcast them. I suppose I should’ve said so, instead of trying to be “cute” in my reply. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/123 "2003-04-04T01:04:06Z")
Ok. I have followed this thread since it’s inception. And the only logical conclusion I can form is that **Dirk** is suffering from satyriasis. Sorry Chief but you should read your own posts. You contradict yourself all the time. This thread is completely Bogus. I completely agree with **Mhendo** and **Igloo**. Dirk said: > [@](#): > > I suppose I could be a bit overly sensitive Actually, you have not demonstrated any sense what so ever in this thread. I am not usually this opinionated on these boards but the more I read what you write the more I realize how completely bogus you are. Why don’t you have your illustrious wife post to this thread to clarify what you say? **Igloo** said: > [@](#): > > Also, I got a smarmy vibe when you suggested Birdgirl contact you off line. Yeah, that is pretty shammy dude… ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/124 "2003-04-04T01:09:26Z")
**WOW** - I did not read your last post before posting my thread. You are the antithesis of Cute…And as a 33 almost 34 year old man why would you consider yourself as being _cute_ on an internet messege board? I’m bowing out of this nasty thread… ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/125 "2003-04-04T01:12:37Z")
Hmmm… **Phlosphr,** did you not read my post immediately preceeding yours? I had made an attempt to be “cute” but failed miserably, apparently. Regarding the entire OP - I was attempting to relay an interesting event in my life, which was prompted by another thread. In light of that thread, I felt my post was appropriate, and I was curious what others thought - not about my morals, not about my motives, etc…merely about the technique itself and if anything worked better for others. The point of asking about anything better is so I might become more informed, as well. Since so many folks can’t see the forest for the trees, I quit. This thread can go on, I suppose, but since I can’t seem to control it’s direction, there’s no point, really. Maybe next time I’ll find a way to communicate more adequately, but for now, I’m just tired of trying to straighten out misperceptions that I apparently created with poor wording. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/126 "2003-04-04T01:13:53Z")
“Cute”…as in “humorous, with a wink” Fer Pete’s sake…you people take yourselves WAY too seriously… ---
**Author:** ![ratty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ccd318/32.png) [@ratty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratty)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/127 "2003-04-04T01:17:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Giraffe \* > \*\*That was Dirk Diggler. \*\* Oops. I stand corrected. I retract that part of my accusation, and I apologize for my mistake. However, I’m agreeing with everything **mhendo** has said. It’s the tone of the OP that set off my bullshit detector. As I said before, I have no doubt that many people “swing” and are completely comfortable with it. While it’s not a practice I personally would engage in, I have no right to judge anyone else for it. And I’m not judging anyone else for it- I’m simply reacting to an OP which my gut-feeling tells me is somewhat less than truthful. It just seems as though **Dirk** started this thread solely to brag about going down on a friend’s wife. Throughout his posts he envinces a “Look how cool I am!” attitude. And his technique is nothing revolutionary. As has been pointed out, different things work for different people, and part of being a conscientious partner is experimenting and finding out what excites one’s partner. **Dirk’s** technique is text-book stuff available anywhere. Why couldn’t he have pointed his friend to any number of online sources, books, or magazines? Or just described what to do? He claims this is a poll- well, maybe. But I kind of doubt that’s his true purpose. It’s been my experience on several other message boards that some people just get a charge out of asking strangers personal questions of a highly sexual nature. Not that all sex polls are like this- far from it. I’ve read many here that are genuine topics for debate and opinion, with a good amount of serious discussion. But the OP doesn’t seem to fall into this category. He didn’t even state that it was a poll in the thread title. And his repeated attempts to “get back on-topic” seem nothing more than thinly-veiled pleas for more praise. And his ham-handed attempt to get **birdgirl** to mail him to “talk about this in more detail” was just creepy. ---
**Author:** ![Payne\_N.Diaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@Payne\_N.Diaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Payne_N.Diaz)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/128 "2003-04-04T02:00:36Z")
I am so stupid…NOW I get the reference on the first page to Sara wearing pajamas!! Sorry, but I call BS, too. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/129 "2003-04-04T02:06:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rhino’sHoney \* > \*\*Wow… I am shocked :o 😛 \*\* 😛 Did you _read_ those topics? Ewwwww! BTW, the tongue-stickie-outie smilie really needs a longer tongue. Especially in _this_ thread. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/130 "2003-04-04T02:15:34Z")
I, for one, was _whooshed_ by **Shirley** ’s “pajama” comment…just didn’t get the reference, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/131 "2003-04-04T02:16:37Z")
Oh, and still don’t…I guess I’m just culturally bankrupt or something… ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/132 "2003-04-04T02:38:53Z")
wow Dirk your explanation sounds wonderful, I read it when it was on page one and printed it out to read on the train. Have your friends asked you for further pointers or are they getting the hang of it. Personally I dont think I could be married to someone who went down on our friends even for demonstration purposes… but who knows. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/133 "2003-04-04T02:40:31Z")
FTR, Dirk, speaking as a person in a long-term, extremely committed, very loving, and open relationship, I don’t think you’re doing the slightest thing wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/134 "2003-04-04T02:50:40Z")
Well, skepticism is the theme of this board, but there’s no need to smear it all over this thread, since none of us really know anything about it, so how about we do 'em in a different thread, OK? For many, this is still a discussion of oral sex, and some of us still beleive this thread holds some promise. **Dirk** - the “cute pyjama-pants wearing girl” is a reference to a thread from a few months ago in which a young male Doper was telling us all the story of him courting a girl, more or less as it happened. The story was well-written, and very romantic- so much so that many people concluded that it was bull. (The couple walking along the beach as a horse galloped by seemed to be the kicker for most.) I stopped following it, so I don’t know if there were any late developments in the thread, proving its truthfulness either way. Personally, I, then and now, give the threads the benefit of the doubt, since I figure stuff like this has got to happen to someone, somewhere- why not here? ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/135 "2003-04-04T02:51:41Z")
Wow! I have no idea what just happened, here. I was reading along, spotted my name, replied. I thought it was back on topic, and the next thing I know it just gets uglier and uglier. Did I turn a corner and end up in the Pit? It sure sounds like it. This was supposed to be a poll, not a troll. What’s up with attacking the OP? He wasn’t hurting anyone, whether you believe his story, or not, and whether you agree with the openness of his marriage, or not. THOSE weren’t the topic! You don’t like it, or think it’s wrong? That’s nice. Go somewhere else. You don’t believe it? Guess what? No one freaking cares! Don’t play along, if you feel that way, but don’t go pissing in his pool. Thought you were “fighting ignorance”? Wrong. You were being ignorant. This was **Dirk** ’s thread; not yours. It’s not about you. Get over yourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/136 "2003-04-04T02:53:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by birdgirl \* > \*\*Pablito, you are wrong about the emotional issues thing!! What a typical guy statement. No guy has ever been able to give me an O. In fact I never had one until a couple of years ago when a friend got me a vibrator as a gift. I have tried for years with my boyfriends to be able to achieve the big O, to no avail. Pablito, it is NOT that easy for women to have an O! Not nearly as easy as a guy!!! > > This has nothing to do with my “emotional issues!” I had the same great boyfriend for 9 years. He just didn’t know how to do it! We had plenty of time, I did not feel it was “unclean,” I was not too busy, and I felt “loved.” And we tried all sorts of “something extra,” To no avail. > > I just have never been with anyone who could do it the correct way. Not that they didn’t try. And of course I never knew what the correct way was, but after reading Dirk’s description, I think that might do the trick!! > > P.S. I see no reason to believe that Dirk is making this up. Geesh! \*\* Sorry **birdgirl**. Clearly, for you, the problem has nothing to do with emotional issues. For ‘some women,’ however, which is all I was claiming in my post, the problem is linked more to what’s going on in the head rather than between the legs. This is not a ‘typical guy claim’: it’s the conclusion of many sexologists (male and female) and lots of ‘in the field’ research. I’m not suggesting anything new or radical or even arguable, IMHO. Do a quick search on ‘emotional orgasm difficulties’ and you’ll find an abundance of articles to support this claim. [Here’s](http://www.psychologytoday.com/htdocs/prod/PTOInfo/pto_term_orgasm.asp#causes) a link to the first one I saw when I just did such a search. Now let me get out of this trainwreck of a thread. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/137 "2003-04-04T02:58:05Z")
_All_ of you had better get over yourselves! Either respond to **Dirk’s** tale as if it is true, or bitch about it in the BBQ Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/138 "2003-04-04T03:23:52Z")
Putting aside questions of whether this happened or not…I wouldn’t be so fast to say that none of the involved parties have any problems with it. Yeah, **Dirk** ’s wife, his friend, and his friend’s wife may all say that _now_. But these things have a nasty way of creeping back to the surface years later, when one least expects it. I hope I’m wrong, mind you. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/139 "2003-04-04T04:16:03Z")
Well, if you guys are okay with it, whatever. I still find it distasteful, but it’s not my marriage. But yeah, the instruction thing sounds better. _shrugs_ Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064/140 "2003-04-04T04:46:30Z")
Well, if this thread is actually back on track, I wanted to respond to **birdgirl** ’s last post, too. If you’re still checking back into this thread, **birdgirl** , both you and **Pablito** are correct. My second wife had emotional issues that interfered with her enjoyment of oral sex. So, I can attest that it does happen. But, you are also correct that, for many women, it is not as easy to achieve orgasm as it is for a man, for purely physical reasons. But, what really made me want to respond to your post was your comment “…I never knew what the correct way was…”. If I could pass on a suggestion I’ve seen repeated many times in sex advice books/articles (and forgive me if this is old news to you), the recommendation is generally for the woman to experiment using her hand to find out what works for _her_, since it’s different for each woman. Then, tell your lover to use his tongue and lips to recreate those motions and actions as closely as possible. I’m told this is very effective. It’s possible **Dirk** ’s technique will work for you, as is. It’s sound technique, IMO, and very close to what I’ve been doing for years, with good results. But, it may, or may not, be right for you. So, be prepared to use it as a baseline, from which you can explore variations until you find what works for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-first-tmi-thread-or-where-my-best-friend-lets-me-go-down-on-his-wife/166064.md?page=8)