# My Former Step-Son Called Me After 7 Years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 18, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351 "2011-05-18T17:57:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/42 "2011-05-23T00:35:04Z")
BMalion - don’t leave us hanging, man, howsabout an update please? ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/43 "2011-05-23T01:16:18Z")
You’ll have to wait until Tuesday China Guy. I say good for BMalion. I think he is approaching this correctly. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2011, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/44 "2011-05-24T11:38:31Z")
he did not make the weekend. His training was changed. He is coming over Friday night. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/45 "2011-05-26T00:28:51Z")
So, did you talk to his aunt and uncle? Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/46 "2011-05-26T11:45:14Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > So, did you talk to his aunt and uncle? > > Best wishes, > hh Yes, at length. Their history with him is quite different. He asked them for money and they declined. I completely understand that. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/47 "2011-05-30T14:14:52Z")
So we had dinner and a couple of beers on Friday. I loaned him $100 and told him to take his time paying me back. It was good to talk to him again. The funny thing is, when he was 13 years old and his brother was 11, he was the troublemaker and his little brother was the “nice one”. Now that he is 24 years old, he is the decent family man and his little brother is the crazy drug-dealing thief, weird. I popped over to his place Saturday afternoon to meet his girlfriend and his 7 year old son. How amazing to see him as a dad. We talked a lot. He told me about how his mom doesn’t help him at all and how much he hates her. I just listened. When he said his mom gave him much grief I did say “Well, we have that in common.” It came to me that if I had had a kid when I was younger, that child would be about the same age. It was fun and heart-warming. I’ll see him again. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/48 "2011-05-30T14:26:09Z")
Great to hear that you two spent such a good time connecting. Hopefully your son can get out from his financial problems soon. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/49 "2011-05-30T14:30:50Z")
Excellent. Life is long and at every turn there is a chance some good can happen. I know so very little about you and your situation, you are just somebody typing some words on a computer somewhere. My imagination colors in between the few lines I read and I hope the picture I see is something like reality. I hope that a young man, who has a long history with his family and an interrupted one with you, can find from this that not all things are cast in stone, not all judgements are permanent and irrevocable, and that the past does not automatically determine the future. I know it was $100, a few beers and some time spent. I hope it’s a point of _possibility_ for your stepson. Please keep us informed of the future interactions. I would like to think that my envisioned success might bear fruit. It would be comforting to know. ---
**Author:** ![Tracyfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f14d63/32.png) [@Tracyfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracyfish)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/50 "2011-05-30T15:17:14Z")
It’s good to hear that it worked out well! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/51 "2011-05-30T15:19:31Z")
> [@2gigch1](#): > > …I know so very little about you and your situation, … In a nutshell, from Ohio, but I had been living in California for over 20 years, I visited Ohio for my 10 year high school reunion. I met a classmate that I always liked but never knew. She was now a widow with 2 sons, I was smitten. I moved back to Ohio and we were married. Things did not work out well and we divorced 4 years later. I stayed in Ohio, bought a house and am making a go of it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/52 "2011-05-30T16:45:28Z")
Well, that sounds really nice. Good for you for re-connecting with him. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/53 "2011-05-30T17:00:40Z")
Great. I tend to believe that people can change if they are given a chance. It is nice to see that he managed to change and is settled down. Enjoy keeping in touch with him. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/54 "2011-05-30T17:15:45Z")
Good to hear BMalion. We all need help at times, sometimes the help we need is financial, sometimes it is just a little support and an ear for our troubles. You set a good example. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/55 "2011-05-30T17:24:54Z")
> [@carnut](#): > > Good to hear BMalion. We all need help at times, sometimes the help we need is financial, sometimes it is just a little support and an ear for our troubles. You set a good example. It’s the least i can do, when I was young and stupid I was helped out several times financially. I think of this as “paying it forward.” ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/56 "2011-05-30T18:15:20Z")
Very cool. I’m glad it was a nice visit. ---
**Author:** ![phreesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@phreesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phreesh)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/57 "2011-05-30T19:26:27Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > I’m 99% sure the money won’t be spent on food. This sounds so much like someone with some sort of drug habit. I’m 99% sure the money will be spent to feed his habit. > > What would you do if he said, “I’m addicted to heroin and everyone else has kicked me out. Will you give me $100 so I can continue to get high?” That’s the more likely situation. That’s why people are suggesting you actually give him food. He won’t be able to get wasted on a loaf of bread and some peanut butter. > > I urge you to talk to the family first and find out his story. If he’s on his way down because of drugs or alcohol, DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. Give him food, support, advice, a shoulder to lean on, whatever but not money. If you give an addict money, you are hindering his recovery. I don’t know your history, but this is a sad view of humankind. You know almost nothing about this situation, but are 99% sure the son is on drugs? I want to be angry about your presumption, but all I can feel is sadness. Anyway, looks like BMalion had a great visit and appearances indicate there is no drugs involved. I applaud his generosity and hope the relationship can blossom. Especially as there’s a (step?) grandkid involved. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/58 "2011-05-30T21:09:34Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > I don’t know your history, but this is a sad view of humankind. You know almost nothing about this situation, but are 99% sure the son is on drugs? I want to be angry about your presumption, but all I can feel is sadness. Anyway, looks like BMalion had a great visit and appearances indicate there is no drugs involved. I applaud his generosity and hope the relationship can blossom. Especially as there’s a (step?) grandkid involved. You can be as dismissive of that scenario as you want, but a lot of the time someone you have relatively little contact with approaches you out of the blue for cash drugs is exactly what it’s all about. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/59 "2011-05-30T21:19:08Z")
> [@astro](#): > > You can be as dismissive of that scenario as you want, but a lot of the time someone you have relatively little contact with approaches you out of the blue for cash drugs is exactly what it’s all about. How’s that attitude working out for you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/60 "2011-05-30T21:28:35Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > How’s that attitude working out for you? > > 😉 It’s not “attitude”, it’s reality. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/61 "2011-05-30T21:33:35Z")
> [@astro](#): > > It’s not “attitude”, it’s reality. Like I said upthread, I don’t care if he spends it on hookers and blow, he is an adult. If I give him money it’s his to do with what he wants. I just talked to him about an hour ago, as it happens, he seems to be paying rent with the funds. Good. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351.md?page=4)