# My Former Step-Son Called Me After 7 Years **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 18, 2011, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351 "2011-05-18T17:57:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2011, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/62 "2011-05-30T23:27:04Z")
> [@phreesh](#): > > I don’t know your history, but this is a sad view of humankind. You know almost nothing about this situation, but are 99% sure the son is on drugs? I want to be angry about your presumption, but all I can feel is sadness. Anyway, looks like BMalion had a great visit and appearances indicate there is no drugs involved. I applaud his generosity and hope the relationship can blossom. Especially as there’s a (step?) grandkid involved. His stepson needs $100 and the only way he can get it is to contact someone he hasn’t talked to in 7 years? That’s going pretty far back for a measly $100. I’m just going on my own experience. I had a sister who was alcoholic and she’d be MIA for months at a time. Then she’d call up saying she was in a tight situation and needed money for rent/gas/clothes/etc. She was truthful–she actually did need the money for those things. But she’d end up spending the money on alcohol instead. Eventually, I would give the money to the landlord or buy the groceries myself. So to really help her, I had to pay for what she needed rather than give her the actual money. BMalion, just keep your eyes open. You may be the person who can really help him get back on his feet. Just be careful about where the money is going. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/63 "2011-05-31T11:33:11Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > … > > BMalion, just keep your eyes open. You may be the person who can really help him get back on his feet. Just be careful about where the money is going. Thank you, I was at his apartment on Saturday. I met his son and girlfriend. Everything looks normal. he got laid off 5 months ago and she works at a grocery store. probubly explains why the money is getting tight. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/64 "2011-05-31T17:02:44Z")
Is this the same girl he got pregnant at 16 and their child? I’m just being nosy, but if it is, that’s saying something about the kid that he’s still with her and raising his child. I think it’s great you’re helping him out and that you guys will have a chance a good relationship in the future, too. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/65 "2011-05-31T18:21:06Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > I’m 99% sure the money won’t be spent on food. This sounds so much like someone with some sort of drug habit. I’m 99% sure the money will be spent to feed his habit. > > What would you do if he said, “I’m addicted to heroin and everyone else has kicked me out. Will you give me $100 so I can continue to get high?” That’s the more likely situation. That’s why people are suggesting you actually give him food. He won’t be able to get wasted on a loaf of bread and some peanut butter. > > I urge you to talk to the family first and find out his story. If he’s on his way down because of drugs or alcohol, DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. Give him food, support, advice, a shoulder to lean on, whatever but not money. If you give an addict money, you are hindering his recovery. Don’t about 99% probability but it is a possibility. If the young man does indeed want food then stock his kitchen with a month’s worth or two of food. $100 worth of heroin could kill him. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/66 "2011-05-31T18:26:38Z")
The money has already been “loaned”. He strikes me as being level-headed and a decent guy. I do not see heroin in the future for him. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/67 "2011-05-31T18:48:19Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > $100 worth of heroin could kill him. Well, that would keep him from coming back for more money. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/68 "2011-05-31T19:20:51Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > The money has already been “loaned”. > > He strikes me as being level-headed and a decent guy. > > I do not see heroin in the future for him. It sounds like you involved yourself enough to gauge the situation. We all hope things work out for him. If $100 gets him back on track that is a tremendous bargain. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2011, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/69 "2011-05-31T19:24:12Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > If $100 gets him back on track that is a tremendous bargain. Well said, Sir. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/70 "2011-06-01T01:16:43Z")
Wow, there are a lot of cynics here. BMalion, I doff my hat to you. Years ago, a friend loaned me money to help keep my health insurance when I was unemployed. I had a pre-existing condition so it was important to me. Instead of asking me to pay her back, she asked me to pay it forward. I was able to do so for the son of another friend a couple of years later. Not only did it feel great, but it really did help a young man in need. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/71 "2011-06-01T01:47:01Z")
> [@carnut](#): > > Instead of asking me to pay her back, she asked me to pay it forward. I was able to do so for the son of another friend a couple of years later. Not only did it feel great, but it really did help a young man in need. Cool! ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2011, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/72 "2011-06-01T04:21:45Z")
Thanks for the update and it sounds like everything worked out quite nicely. Good for you for being there for him. Could make all the difference in the world to him. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/73 "2011-06-02T01:02:32Z")
BMalion, good on ya and thanks for the update. Parenthood can bring out the best in some people and sounds like it’s been good for your step son. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2011, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/74 "2011-09-13T03:50:03Z")
Update: We’ve talked and gotten together for lunch a couple of times. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 4 years and he’s on his way over. I told him he can stay in one of my guest rooms until Friday. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/75 "2011-09-13T16:09:54Z")
Good luck. I like what somebody said earlier about how you never know when some validation and a little money will be the tipping point. We can all only try our best. I hope you all win. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/76 "2011-09-13T21:31:42Z")
> [@BMalion](#): > > So we had dinner and a couple of beers on Friday. I loaned him $100 and told him to take his time paying me back. It was good to talk to him again. > > The funny thing is, when he was 13 years old and his brother was 11, he was the troublemaker and his little brother was the “nice one”. Now that he is 24 years old, he is the decent family man and his little brother is the crazy drug-dealing thief, weird. > > I popped over to his place Saturday afternoon to meet his girlfriend and his 7 year old son. How amazing to see him as a dad. We talked a lot. He told me about how his mom doesn’t help him at all and how much he hates her. I just listened. When he said his mom gave him much grief I did say “Well, we have that in common.” > > It came to me that if I had had a kid when I was younger, that child would be about the same age. > > It was fun and heart-warming. I’ll see him again. Is this the same girlfriend that you referenced here? Were they living together? At any rate - that sucks. I’m glad you’ve been in touch. Thanks for the update - keep us posted! ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351/77 "2011-09-14T00:25:19Z")
Yes, same girlfriend. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-former-step-son-called-me-after-7-years/582351.md?page=3)