# My friend committed suicide yesterday. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 27, 2002, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074 "2002-11-27T07:51:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/21 "2002-11-27T17:31:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ñañi \* > This isn’t a fitting tribute. The world lost when she died. I have a huge whole in me, and guilt, knowing I did not get to know this wonderful erson as I should have. I’d organize, Id write more, and I will write more, but I can hardly see the screen. Don’t feel bad about not being able to properly express what you felt about her, either. I doubt I could do justice to very many people I know, and certainly not in the midst of grief over them. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/22 "2002-11-27T18:02:42Z")
That’s horrible and I’m so sorry. It’s so tragic and I know how it is to lose someone so kind and sweet. My friend’s sister killed herself about 7 years ago and it really affected me–more deeply than I had expected. If anything, it gave me a new perspective on life, since I was going through a rough time and was on the edge myself. I saw what it did to her family and changed my mind. Remember her often and fondly. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/23 "2002-11-27T18:28:25Z")
::hugs **ñañi** :: I don’t know what to say, really. Through the grace of luck, I’ve never lost anyone in quite this way. Like everyone else, all my sympathies go towards you and your friend’s family… I know this isn’t much, but if you need to talk or something, feel free to e-mail me or IM me. Remember to take care of yourself… ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/24 "2002-11-27T19:18:53Z")
:🤗: Everyone else said anything there was to say… ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/25 "2002-11-27T19:49:19Z")
I have had to deal with this several times in my life. It isn’t easy. Death is hard enough without the spectre of suicide to make it much worse. My heart goes out to you. It will only become more difficult in the days to come as the initail shock wears off and people begin the painful questions of why it happened and who is at fault. That can be quite nasty especially if the person involved left no note or clue as to their personal motivations. Don’t get caught in this trap as it is even more painful than the loss itself. If you want to honour the memory of the friend you knew keep only those happy moments with you. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/26 "2002-11-27T20:26:00Z")
It’s just goes to show that no-one is immune from the pressures of life. Do they know why she did it? And how did such a loving warm kind hearted human being end up commiting suicide? I HOPE this suicide of many make the people outthere understand the traumatic and helplessness that drives so many to that fateful decision. ---
**Author:** ![andymurph64](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e57/32.png) [@andymurph64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andymurph64)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/27 "2002-11-27T20:42:32Z")
A word of warning… If you know someone who is depressed, really sad, whatever and then overnight becomes happy, carefree and bubbly optimistic… BEWARE. The person may have decided to commit suicide. Once the decision is made it is like a huge burden off their shoulders and so may act much happier. ---
**Author:** ![reprise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@reprise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/reprise)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/28 "2002-11-27T21:24:58Z")
How very, very sad. ☹ One reason I really hate this time of the year (it’s end of year exam time here ATM) is because of the enormous pressure to which high school students are exposed - every single year, there are a number of students whose lives are lost to the burden of that pressure. It’s extremely difficult to explain what depression feels like to people who have never suffered from it. It markedly distorts your thinking, and sleep deprivation (which is extremely common in depressed people) distorts it even further. Please try not to torture yourself with misplaced feelings of guilt. People who’ve made the decision to commit suicide generally try very hard not to let those around them become aware of the depth of their despair. Be kind to yourself in the coming days, and feel free to email me if you just need to talk. We all need to be reminded occasionally about the danger of putting too many expectations on those we love. ---
**Author:** ![Stentor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Stentor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/29 "2002-11-27T22:41:33Z")
Life is beautiful and horrible. I hope no one takes offense to that, but they are the only words that come to mind. I’m terribly sorry that your friend won’t be around anymore. I hope you’ll meet again in whatever comes after life. ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/30 "2002-11-27T23:21:12Z")
I would just like to add – if **ñañi** is the future of our youth, then I have great hope for us. It was a beautiful, touching, sad, sweet, eloquent note about your friend. I’m sorry you’re in pain. But you’re clearly a lovely, caring young woman – and though you couldn’t save your friend (no one could - please know that) – you have made a difference in at least one person’s life on this board. Me. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/31 "2002-11-28T00:53:17Z")
You have my deepest sympathies. I lost one of my best friends to suicide not more than 4 weeks ago, so I definitely know the experience. For me, it was very bizarre, because he seemed perfectly happy and healthy. (He had called the day before and he was talking about his plans for the following weekend…) Here’s a bit of my advice: - Keep your friends close to you, in times like this. They can really help you deal with the situation. - Don’t blame yourself. - Don’t spend all your time dwelling on the situation: Contemplating it is healthy, but take a break every once in a while and do something fun and uplifting to take your mind off of it. - Don’t feel bad if it doesn’t feel like it’s as “poetic” as it’s supposed to be. It’s hard to explain what I mean, but let me use my friend as an example: The last words I spoke to him were when I was talking to him on the phone at my friend John’s house, and I said “Hold on a sec, I’m really busy, let me hand the phone over to John.” Not “I love you”, “I respect you”, or “goodbye” just “I’m in a hurry, and I gotta go.” And the truth is, that’s usually how it goes. It’s not always a dramatic Hollywood death sequence, where the person leaves an elaborate note explaining some dark hidden secret from the past, and whatnot. Sometimes, people just commit suicide because they have (in essence) an imbalance of brain hormones. - Most of all, don’t feel guilty for how you feel about it. Everyone deals with death in their own way. Maybe you want to cry about it by yourself. Maybe you want to talk to a friend. Maybe you don’t feel like crying at all. There is no wrong way to deal with it, so don’t feel guilty if you find yourself feeling too sad, or “not sad enough.” - Look for the warning signs. My friend had attempted suicide once before, and he was prescribed anti-depressants, but he wasn’t taking them. Apparently that’s pretty common among depressed people. He was also sort of an insomniac, and occasionally he dropped very subtle hints that he was planning to kill himself (which I didn’t pick up on until after he died.) Do anything you can to make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else. You have my support, **ñañi**. Take it easy. ---
**Author:** ![Blalron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@Blalron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blalron)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/32 "2002-11-28T01:17:47Z")
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/33 "2002-11-28T01:23:35Z")
Am I going nuts, or was this in the Pit earlier? **nani** , I’m so sorry! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/34 "2002-11-28T02:03:58Z")
I am sorry for your loss, **nani**. You and I live in the same town. I read about this in the local paper. I am sorry to hear that you were directly touched by this tragedy. BTW, since someone asked, she did leave a note but the papers didn’t disclose the contents. The article also said the grief counselors have been made available to the girl’s classmates. Please make use of them, **nani**. Haj ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/35 "2002-11-28T02:07:50Z")
Do you work for some kind of hotline, Blalron? Depression isn’t a “temporary problem”, _especially_ when you’re a young teen girl whose feelings are constantly being dismissed as “PMS” or “hormones”. Yeah, I was a young teen girl once, so I know. And I suffered (and _still_ suffer) from depression, so I know. And my friend Amy hung herself in 1996, so I know. I never completed suicide (obviously), but I wanted to, so I know. So don’t come in here with your “temporary problem” bullshit unless you know that girl and you know _exactly_ what was going through her mind when she tied the noose, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/36 "2002-11-28T02:10:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Am I going nuts, or was this in the Pit earlier? \*\* I thought so… My deepest apologies to UncleBeer, Coldfire, and Cajun Man for using naughty words in this forum. The sentiment remains the same for you though, Blalron. ---
**Author:** ![Animalmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@Animalmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Animalmother)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/37 "2002-11-28T02:22:13Z")
I know how it is nani. A good friend of mine and teammate shot himself a week ago today. He was the same age as me, 21, and had a lot of great things going for him. I’m still going through waves of anger, dissappointment , and sadness. All I can say is to hang in there and be there for each other. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/38 "2002-11-28T02:34:08Z")
That is a deep sadness. I wish I had words of wisdom to make the pain go away. I do not. I can only send warm thoughts your way and hope it helps. ---
**Author:** ![cherry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cherry)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/39 "2002-11-28T03:32:26Z")
My sympathies to nani, KJ and Animalmother. It is heartbreaking when you loose a friend to suicide. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074/40 "2002-11-28T03:42:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Silver Fire \* > \*\*Do you work for some kind of hotline, Blalron? > > Depression isn’t a “temporary problem”, _especially_ when you’re a young teen girl whose feelings are constantly being dismissed as “PMS” or “hormones”. > > Yeah, I was a young teen girl once, so I know. And I suffered (and _still_ suffer) from depression, so I know. And my friend Amy hung herself in 1996, so I know. I never completed suicide (obviously), but I wanted to, so I know. So don’t come in here with your “temporary problem” bullshit unless you know that girl and you know _exactly_ what was going through her mind when she tied the noose, okay? \*\* Yes, but death **is** permanent. **nani** ’s friend might have been able to overcome her depression, but now she can’t. FWIW, when I was 19, I was determined to commit suicide by thug. I was going to walk through what I knew to be a very dangerous part of town, and let the inevitable happen. I hated myself and my situation that much. Fortunately, a friend talked me out of it by pointing out that I might not die immediately, or at all, thereby making my life even worse. I’m giving **Blalron** the benefit of the doubt that s/he was not being flip. Everyone can have hope as long as they’re alive. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-committed-suicide-yesterday/139074.md?page=3)