# My friend has died **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 18, 2021, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067 "2021-08-18T05:14:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/1 "2021-08-18T05:14:34Z")
I found out today that one of my friends, who was also a colleague, died last week. So far, there’s no other information. We had been talking just a couple of weeks ago about collaborating on some projects, our writing, and getting together. I don’t really know what else to say. I’m shocked and sad. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/2 "2021-08-18T05:30:29Z")
My condolences. I am so very sorry for your loss. Would you like to share about your friend? Maybe about how you met, or what you did together in your friendship or work together? Added: of course if you’d rather not, then of course you don’t have to. I thought your sharing might ease the pain a bit. Again, I am sorry. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/3 "2021-08-18T05:36:33Z")
I’m sorry also. Losing friends can be as hard as family. After all, we choose our friends. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/4 "2021-08-18T15:37:26Z")
Thank you. I knew her for decades. She was my wife’s friend and my acquaintance, becoming my friend when she was my supervisor and later got me work at her college. We were peer consultants at the time of her death, and in the last couple of months had been having long phone calls about collaborating on some projects and supporting each other’s writing. She had had a long-term respiratory infection so I hadn’t seen her in awhile. I don’t know if that’s what took her out, or something like tripping over a pet. She lived alone. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/5 "2021-08-18T15:45:32Z")
This is devastating. You have a hole in your heart now. Think back through your years of friendship, and recall warm memories of your friend. And then use those memories to fill the hole in your heart. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/6 "2021-08-18T17:37:03Z")
I’m so sorry, susan. The loss is all the harder to process because of being so abrupt and unexpected. I know you will take the time to grieve you need. Many hugs to you. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/7 "2021-08-18T18:03:09Z")
I’m so sorry, Susan. Losing a friend is very hard. I wish there were some way to shorten the time of grief or make it easier. I hope it helps to know you have friends here who care about you and what you’re going through. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/8 "2021-08-18T18:06:02Z")
I’m so sorry. 😢 ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/9 "2021-08-18T18:26:33Z")
My condolences. I have a small group of friends whom I’ve known for several decades. We’re all entering the age when people tend to start dying off. That will be hard. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/10 "2021-08-18T21:46:16Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2021, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/11 "2021-08-18T21:55:56Z")
Workplace relationships can go deeper than many realize. I’m so sorry for you and your wife. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2021, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/12 "2021-08-19T02:51:43Z")
You knew her for decades. Wow that’s something. And then to become friends when you reported to her, that’s a special bond you had. Friends like that are not very common. Her last months, with you on the phone for long talks, for someone who lived alone I think that she valued your friendship a great deal. I mean, you had your wife to talk with and share; and at home she had a pet, and the friendship of you two. You let her know she wasn’t alone in this world. Besides a pet of course. And she could share things with you. Did she have any family? It sounds like you were ‘family’ for her. You and your wife. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2021, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/13 "2021-09-12T16:36:46Z")
Her relative has scheduled a memorial service but in-person and inside only, no remote access. I can’t go to something with the number of people who will be there. Also, we had to euthanize one of our cats last week. It has been a terrible month. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2021, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/14 "2021-09-12T17:01:50Z")
A terrible month indeed. Two losses like that in a short time is hard to bear. You can write to the relatives but that’s not as healing as it is for many people to be able to go to the services. I wish they were at least holding some portion of it outside. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2021, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/15 "2021-09-16T08:55:15Z")
Thank you. I’ll have to see if some of her other friends would like to get together in a park before it gets too cold. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2021, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/16 "2021-09-18T19:51:07Z")
I didn’t attend the indoor memorial. I’ve since heard from several people that the family member who ran it used it as an opportunity to spill all sorts of negative information and opinions about her. Whether or not they’re true, it was wildly inappropriate for a memorial service and insensitive to her current patients in attendance. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2021, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/17 "2021-09-18T20:08:02Z")
I’m sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2021, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/18 "2021-09-25T03:12:21Z")
I wish you peace in this dark time. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2021, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/19 "2021-09-25T03:15:12Z")
Thank you. We told a friend from her university days about the service and he was astonished. We need to decide where to make a donation in her honor. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2021, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067/20 "2021-09-25T14:17:10Z")
Maybe you and other friends can conduct your own Celebration of Life — when, where, and how you want it done. Outdoors, distanced and safe, and in whatever manner you deem appropriate. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-has-died/949067.md?page=2)