# My friend the junkie **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 20, 2013, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794 "2013-05-20T06:16:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/21 "2013-05-20T19:12:56Z")
**Crime Scene** , given how many addicts are in your immediate circle, have you considered attending Al-Anon or some other support group for family and friends of substance abusers? They can be a lot of support in times like these and can help you figure out boundaries and healthy responses for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/22 "2013-05-20T19:26:26Z")
Be aware you are opening yourself up for a lot of criminal liability. Like, go-to-jail-lose-everything liability. Drug deals have been done at your house. Drug paraphernalia is currently in your trash. And you have posted lots of details of the events. If the cops raid your house, it will be tough to say you didn’t know anything about it. Plus, you probably shouldn’t post about it since it proves you are an accessory. If they find this post, you can’t say you didn’t know anything about what he was doing. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/23 "2013-05-20T20:22:07Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > **Crime Scene** , given how many addicts are in your immediate circle, have you considered attending Al-Anon or some other support group for family and friends of substance abusers? They can be a lot of support in times like these and can help you figure out boundaries and healthy responses for yourself. I came in to post just this. I have two cousins who are recovering addicts and Al-Anon has been a tremendous help to the rest of the family. Those of us who attend have learned boundaries and how to enforce them, and how to detach from the addict’s/alcoholic’s behavior. That said, I agree with the people who suggested calling the police. The bottom line is that the addict broke the law and put you in physical and legal jeopardy. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. He also has to hit his bottom and protecting him from those consequences isn’t going to help him find it. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/24 "2013-05-20T21:42:57Z")
I say call a lawyer before you call the police. The police are not always your friend. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/25 "2013-05-20T21:44:39Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > That said, I agree with the people who suggested calling the police. The bottom line is that the addict broke the law and put you in physical and legal jeopardy. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. He also has to hit his bottom and protecting him from those consequences isn’t going to help him find it. THIS. IANAL, and I assume most of the posters in this thread are not either. OP, I think you should definitely call a lawyer _before_ you call any cops, or even if you choose not to call any cops. You’ve knowingly allowed your own home to become a drug crime scene. Even if you choose to call the cops first, I don’t think that will absolve you of any legal liability here. You are almost certainly at big risk of finding yourself in deep shit over this. You might be inevitably already. You need a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/26 "2013-05-20T22:07:37Z")
Mods, please close the thread. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/27 "2013-05-20T22:10:33Z")
I’ve been convicted by a few here already of allowing drug activity at my house, which is hurtful and aggravating on top of last nights events. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/28 "2013-05-20T23:23:22Z")
> [@Crime\_Scene](#): > > I’ve been convicted by a few here already of allowing drug activity at my house, which is hurtful and aggravating on top of last nights events. You describe yourself as an enabler in the OP. You allow your friend to deal from your house. You feel no obligation to tell his mom what’s going on, that he might get some help. And it’s the folks in this thread trying to give you a wake up call you yell at? ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2013, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/29 "2013-05-20T23:34:24Z")
I hope you can get some help, **Crime Scene**. You’re not being attacked in this thread (Ok, maybe a couple questionable posts, but as far as the SDMB goes, very mild indeed). People are pointing out what’s glaringly obvious to us and what sometimes isn’t so obvious to the person inside the situation. You seem unusually immersed within a group of people with drug problems, and _that’s not normal_. If you find the facts to be hurtful, you’re in need of perspective that you’re not getting from your current friends and family. Al-Anon is a really good idea. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/30 "2013-05-21T00:21:30Z")
> [@Crime\_Scene](#): > > What the f are you talking about? No, I don’t think it’s acceptable, but I’m sure as hell not going to ring her up and tell her and bring a bunch of grief on myself. He doesn’t have custody of the child or see him alone, so why is it my business? Take your snarky comment and shove it up your ass. Take me to the pit if it is so disgusting to you. Dial back the outrage. Remember you’re not in the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/31 "2013-05-21T00:39:25Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > I hope you can get some help, **Crime Scene**. You’re not being attacked in this thread (Ok, maybe a couple questionable posts, but as far as the SDMB goes, very mild indeed). People are pointing out what’s glaringly obvious to us and what sometimes isn’t so obvious to the person inside the situation. You seem unusually immersed within a group of people with drug problems, and _that’s not normal_. If you find the facts to be hurtful, you’re in need of perspective that you’re not getting from your current friends and family. Al-Anon is a really good idea. Help for what, exactly? A friend that is a user? He now knows he is no longer welcome after speaking with him on the phone earlier. I don’t think anyone in this thread so far understands addiction or the bonds that tie people together who have gone through hell and back with one another their whole lives. I don’t use drugs, so am I supposed to go to Al-Anon and standup and say, “Hi, my name is Crime Scene and I’m not an addict, but my friend \_\_\_\_\_ is.” I have plenty of non-user friends as well, it just so happens that I’ve been one of the very few of the people I grew up with in a very small town who was able to go to college, make some money, and build a house, thus I have established a residency that is not a den of drugs and drudgery. Apparently, he thought he had the right to turn it into that… The suggestions in this thread are absolutely ridiculous. Call the cops? Get a lawyer? Really? Some of the posts have been genuine and I have appreciated them greatly, others have just been holier-than-thou and out of touch with what the reality of a life on the front lines of a drug infested area is. Trust me, you don’t just go call the cops on someone and have them arrested without their being blow back from others. This can range from cans being thrown into your yard when people pass by or petty vandalism to burglary. Additionally, I realize that there are support groups for those affected by drug users, etc. However, I am not going. I recognized that I was enabling him and now I am doing my best to stop, yet a number of people act as if I am the one who is not raising my child or using someones house to use IV drugs. As for dialing back the outrage, how about the other dialing back his sarcasm? Damn right I’m outraged, you would be to if you have lived this your entire life with one person or another. Honestly, I’m done standing up for myself. If I can’t take ‘the truth’ or whatever anyone is calling it, then I guess that is just a massive character flaw. Call the cops, yup, they are notoriously excellent and successful and getting addicts the help they need. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/32 "2013-05-21T00:41:35Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > You describe yourself as an enabler in the OP. You allow your friend to deal from your house. You feel no obligation to tell his mom what’s going on, that he might get some help. > > And it’s the folks in this thread trying to give you a wake up call you yell at? Who did I yell at? The individual who suggested I was allowing someone with a drug problem to have custody of their child? It was a comment that was out of line, in my opinion. It wouldn’t have bothered me if the person wouldn’t have added, “Awesome” at the end, as if I don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/33 "2013-05-21T00:47:46Z")
That’s exactly what Al-Anon is- a resource for people who are friends or relatives to get help on how to deal with addicts in our lives. You’d be surprised how many of us actually do know what you’re talking about. You might choose not to go, and that’s your prerogative. But if you change your mind, Al-Anon is a good choice. ETA: > [@](#): > > Who did I yell at? The individual who suggested I was allowing someone with a drug problem to have custody of their child? It was a comment that was out of line, in my opinion. It wouldn’t have bothered me if the person wouldn’t have added, “Awesome” at the end, as if I don’t care. You used very aggressive language like “shove it up your ass” and “already been convicted”. That’s what I equate to “yelling at”. It was an overreaction to some blunt, but good, advice. ---
**Author:** ![Zago](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecccb3/32.png) [@Zago](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zago)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/34 "2013-05-21T00:50:44Z")
Whoa, let’s everyone dial it back. Crime Scene, please take a moment (without getting enraged) to reconsider getting some help from either a counselor or Al-Anon. After all, you’re going to have to deal with this person in the future. Getting that sort of support is surely more helpful than what we can offer in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/35 "2013-05-21T00:52:28Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > That’s exactly what Al-Anon is- a resource for people who are friends or relatives to get help on how to deal with addicts in our lives. You’d be surprised how many of us actually do know what you’re talking about. > > You might choose not to go, and that’s your prerogative. But if you change your mind, Al-Anon is a good choice. > > ETA: > > You used very aggressive language like “shove it up your ass” and “already been convicted”. That’s what I equate to “yelling at”. It was an overreaction to some blunt, but good, advice. They offered no advice. They made a comment, that included no advice, and ended it with “Awesome.” See post #20 ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/36 "2013-05-21T00:54:46Z")
> [@Zago](#): > > Whoa, let’s everyone dial it back. Crime Scene, please take a moment (without getting enraged) to reconsider getting some help from either a counselor or Al-Anon. After all, you’re going to have to deal with this person in the future. Getting that sort of support is surely more helpful than what we can offer in this forum. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/37 "2013-05-21T01:14:41Z")
> [@Crime\_Scene](#): > > They offered no advice. They made a comment, that included no advice, and ended it with “Awesome.” See post #20 That’s fine. I still think you are disregarding really good advice (like al-anon). No one is “convicting” you in this thread- sometimes it’s a lot easier for someone outside a situation to see what’s going on and hold up a mirror to the person in the situation. Perhaps some of the posts were not phrased particularly tactfully, but please consider that most of the replies were not meant to offend or harm you. You kind of escalated quickly, which does suggest you aren’t as over this as you might say you are. But, I’ll stop armchair analyzing and you can certainly take it for exactly what it’s worth- the price you paid for it. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/38 "2013-05-21T01:19:54Z")
This is the typical thread from an OP that wants us to tell him what he wants to hear (although I’m not sure what that is). Not wanting to disturb his friend shooting up in his own bathroom, Not wanting to tell the mom what’s going on. Letting him make drug deals out of his house. Crime Scene, what do you want us to tell you? What do you do? Stop being co-dependent and take a stand the next time mom drops him off in your house. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/39 "2013-05-21T01:20:52Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > That’s fine. I still think you are disregarding really good advice (like al-anon). No one is “convicting” you in this thread- sometimes it’s a lot easier for someone outside a situation to see what’s going on and hold up a mirror to the person in the situation. Perhaps some of the posts were not phrased particularly tactfully, but please consider that most of the replies were not meant to offend or harm you. You kind of escalated quickly, which does suggest you aren’t as over this as you might say you are. > > But, I’ll stop armchair analyzing and you can certainly take it for exactly what it’s worth- the price you paid for it. > > Good luck. Fair enough. To offer some retort, I will say I absolutely am not over it. I’ve basically been fuming over it all day and I have a headache from worrying. I did escalate quickly, admittedly, but all the other advice came without what I perceived as judgment. ---
**Author:** ![Crime\_Scene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@Crime\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crime_Scene)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794/40 "2013-05-21T01:23:01Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > This is the typical thread from an OP that wants us to tell him what he wants to hear (although I’m not sure what that is). Not wanting to disturb his friend shooting up in his own bathroom, Not wanting to tell the mom what’s going on. Letting him make drug deals out of his house. > > Crime Scene, what do you want us to tell you? What do you do? Stop being co-dependent and take a stand the next time mom drops him off in your house. I never allowed him to make drug deals out of my house. Once I had conclusive proof he was doing it I stopped it. Speaking of my house - not a single person entered my house and only one car pulled in my driveway - that was the individual he received the hoodie from. I don’t want you to tell me anything, I didn’t solicit your advice. You can tell me what you want and I can tell you what I think of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friend-the-junkie/658794.md?page=3)