# My friend's crisis is annoying me. Stop me from being an asshole. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 19, 2010, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697 "2010-12-19T08:16:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2010, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/21 "2010-12-19T23:12:11Z")
This is one of those issues where you really just dont know whats going on and have to cope with that. It could be someone making a mountain out of nothing, someone with major drug/alcohol issues on a bender, someone experiencing a major mental health issue, someone experiencing some major issues in their life, or someone playing silly buggers with the anonymity of the internet. In my view you’ve done what you can given the relationship you have with the person. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2010, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/22 "2010-12-19T23:12:12Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > where to start. > -The world doesn’t revolve around you. > -She’s not asking for a solution. > -The word “friend” implies someone willing to listen when someone wants to talk. > -Crying 3 days straight could mean many things but all of them involve emotional pain. > > If she’s actually a friend then she wants a shoulder to cry and a little sympathy. If she’s not a friend then why the heck are you tweeting with her in the first place? 1. Duh. 2. Obviously. 3. I am willing to talk, which is why I sent her a couple tweets asking what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help. 4. Yeah, I figured that out. Thanks. I tried to offer her a shoulder to cry on. Instead of responding to any of them (and I assume that other people sent her similar messages) she just continued her pity-party. What else can you do, you know? Actually, today she said that she had been ignoring me. So I wonder if she wasn’t actually expressing her anger and frustration with her family/friends/people she deals with in real life. The only thing is, that’s not how it appeared. She wasn’t saying “I’m so frustrated with my family, they act like I mean nothing to them!” she was writing things like “I mean nothing to you, why do you all hate me?”. In retrospect, maybe she wasn’t aiming that at her community of online friends, but that’s sure as hell what it looked like. Anyway, she seems better today. _crosses fingers_ ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2010, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/23 "2010-12-19T23:13:49Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > This is the first time I have ever been assumed to be a guy online. That’s interesting. There are no girls on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2010, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/24 "2010-12-19T23:17:51Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > She hasn’t responded. Probably because she knows there IS nothing I can do. If she were just venting, I’d be a lot more sympathetic. Everyone needs to rant now and then. But this isn’t ranting, it’s whining because no one is paying attention to her angst. I wonder if there isn’t a _specific_ person she’s targeting with these posts, maybe someone (or several people) she knows in real life who aren’t showing her the sympathy she thinks she deserves, online or IRL. Regardless, what everyone else said. You showed a little sympathy. Now set your phasers to ignore. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2010, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/25 "2010-12-19T23:22:04Z")
[This](http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j218/ArmySGT_photos/Makes%20me%20laugh/Insults/1286756353621.jpg) picture has come in handy in situations like this before. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/26 "2010-12-20T00:06:59Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > 1. Duh. > 2. Obviously. > 3. I am willing to talk, which is why I sent her a couple tweets asking what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help. > 4. Yeah, I figured that out. Thanks. > > I tried to offer her a shoulder to cry on. Instead of responding to any of them (and I assume that other people sent her similar messages) she just continued her pity-party. What else can you do, you know? > > Actually, today she said that she had been ignoring me. So I wonder if she wasn’t actually expressing her anger and frustration with her family/friends/people she deals with in real life. The only thing is, that’s not how it appeared. She wasn’t saying “I’m so frustrated with my family, they act like I mean nothing to them!” she was writing things like “I mean nothing to you, why do you all hate me?”. In retrospect, maybe she wasn’t aiming that at her community of online friends, but that’s sure as hell what it looked like. > > Anyway, she seems better today. _crosses fingers_ Generally women don’t want answers to an emotional issue so offering to help usually doesn’t land. Call the emotional outburst what you want but it’s not an unknown phenomena when people are stressed. She could have run over her dog after getting laid off or some other country song in the making. When I said the world doesn’t revolve around you I wanted to remind you that her problem is not directed at you so it’s water to your duck’s back. Fingers crossed that it goes well for her. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/27 "2010-12-20T00:28:06Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > She wants someone to start asking probing questions so she can _finally_ talk to someone about whatever the hell is bothering her. Definitely ignore it. If she finally mentions what’s bothering her then offer sympathy. Basically, it’s a disfunctional way of attention-whoring. WHY do some people do this? If you want to talk about what’s bothering you, why not talk about what’s bothering you? Why is it so important that the other person make the first move to ask you about it? ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/28 "2010-12-20T00:48:59Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Generally women don’t want answers to an emotional issue so offering to help usually doesn’t land. Are you seriously explaining women to me? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/29 "2010-12-20T01:03:51Z")
See what I’ve done! ---
**Author:** ![Valerieblaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@Valerieblaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valerieblaise)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/30 "2010-12-20T01:45:33Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > In my somewhat cynical experience, people do this because they want attention and sympathy for the terrible crisis they are going through, but they don’t want to post details about the crisis because either 1) people would recognize that it’s really not that big of a deal after all, or 2) people will try to offer useful advice, and they don’t WANT useful advice, they want attention and sympathy, goddammit. That’s why I do it. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/31 "2010-12-20T04:56:14Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > Are you seriously explaining women to me? No, that would be like herding cats. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/32 "2010-12-20T11:01:55Z")
I used to be friends with people who did this with their Facebook status. I’m not any longer. Maybe it would help to post picture after picture of kittens in various amusing positions and hats? It’s like an Internet hug. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2010, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/33 "2010-12-20T13:02:55Z")
You’ve done all you can. The ball’s in her court now - either she lets you know what’s going on and tells you if she needs help or needs to vent, or she gets ignored. In a moment of weakness, I actually did something kinda like this last week. It was the first time in forever. Fortunately, I have the best husband ever. Instead of giving into my whining, he made fun of me mercilessly until I realized I was being an asshole and both of us were laughing so hard we couldn’t talk. Edited to add: I should mention, it wasn’t a public forum like FB or twitter - it was in the family room. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Gnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_gnomer/32/3466_2.png) [@Miss\_Gnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Gnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/34 "2010-12-21T02:52:40Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > The very first thing he says in his OP is that he’s got “an online friend”. Are you suggesting he look up this stranger’s phone number and home address so that he can call her and visit her in an attempt to get her to quit her passive aggressive bitching (and that’s what it is)? Nope, what I’m saying is what you are saying!! Though you are probably saying it a bit more strongly than me … I wouldn’t have called an ‘online friend’ a ‘stranger’ … but I do definitely not call them a ‘real friend’. I do wonder how you know exactly “what it is” unless you know the actual situation … to me the situation is not quite so black and white and there could be many reasons for someone communicating in that manner … one of which is a passive agressive person … but many other reasons include real issues that deserve support from real friends. Not responding to offers/tweets from ‘online friends’ does not mean the situation could not be very serious and worth the ‘online friend’ being considerate and acknowledging that their limited depth of friendship means they probably wont be let into the inner workings of the other person’s life. Recently one of my online friend’s marriage broke up … I totally accept that her facebook etc will have lines that indicate her despair … I don’t expect her to go into details with me … I do understand that it is serious and life is crap for her at the moment. I don’t think she’s just seeking attention by writing publically when she has a bad day … she’s going through a traumatic time. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/35 "2010-12-21T03:09:10Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > Actually, today she said that she had been ignoring me. Sounds like you should return the favor, except for stuff related to you moderating thing. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/36 "2010-12-21T03:19:04Z")
This isn’t you being an asshole. This is you not caring about somebody who whines too much. Nothing wrong with that; just block/hide/ignore her and move on. You’re not obligated to be her friend. You can always reopen communications after her crisis is over. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/37 "2010-12-21T04:12:04Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > [This](http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j218/ArmySGT_photos/Makes%20me%20laugh/Insults/1286756353621.jpg) picture has come in handy in situations like this before. And here I thought you were gonna post [this](http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/6982/attentionwhore3.jpg) instead. ---
**Author:** ![ecseas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ecseas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ecseas)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/38 "2010-12-21T10:58:19Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > In my somewhat cynical experience, people do this because they want attention and sympathy for the terrible crisis they are going through, but they don’t want to post details about the crisis because either 1) people would recognize that it’s really not that big of a deal after all, or 2) people will try to offer useful advice, and they don’t WANT useful advice, they want attention and sympathy, goddammit. > > I’ve removed a few people from Facebook who do this sort of thing continually, although I understand in your situation why you can’t just do that. Still, I sympathize. This behavior is obnoxious. Or c. there are people on that social network that would REALLY disaprove if you said it on there, and it could make the situation worse. ---
**Author:** ![ecseas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ecseas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ecseas)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/39 "2010-12-21T11:07:22Z")
I missed the editing window, but what I meant before hand is that the people I have a problem with are friends on facebook. posting what happens would cause more shit. For example, I have family trouble, and my mum is friends with me on facebook. I have to be vague in what I say. ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/40 "2010-12-21T11:15:59Z")
> [@ecseas](#): > > I missed the editing window, but what I meant before hand is that the people I have a problem with are friends on facebook. posting what happens would cause more shit. For example, I have family trouble, and my mum is friends with me on facebook. I have to be vague in what I say. Just tinker with your privacy settings and have Facebook hide your updates from your mom by default. Occasionally throw her a bone – some random update or photo – so she doesn’t get suspicious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697.md?page=3)