# My friend's crisis is annoying me. Stop me from being an asshole. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 19, 2010, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697 "2010-12-19T08:16:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/41 "2010-12-21T12:13:29Z")
I was there; the type of person who would put up strange emo messages on my MSN (or whatever was the Facebook of that era). I have long stopped doing that but I do know the mindset of those people. If you send a message to someone in such a state, and you get no reply, you aren’t the one causing the problem. They are hoping for someone else to take notice. They are pining for some other souls to give them the attention they need, and unless it’s the person they’re expecting, nothing you say or do will help. The biggest irony is that when you engage in such tactics, you’ll get people giving you some attention, but never from the guy/gal whom you are hoping to hear from. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/42 "2010-12-23T04:19:40Z")
After a couple days of what looked like an improvement, she’s doing it, and it’s worse than ever before. Now she seems suicidal. I’m worried. However, she also posted in her blog about what is causing the angst, and she does have some serious problems in her life, things that are way out of her control. It’s not surprising that she’s depressed, or that maybe the difficult circumstances are compounding with clinical depression. I feel bad for her but there’s nothing I can do. But it makes me feel like a jerk when I don’t respond to tweets like: > [@](#): > > I’m so fucking stupid. I don’t deserve friends. I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve anything. and > [@](#): > > I hate myself. You hate me. Maybe everything would just be better for us if I didn’t fucking exist. I mean, she clearly needs some kind of validation, but I think she’s going about getting it in the wrong way. However, telling her that would probably not help, considering the mental state she is in. I don’t think that me telling her that I think she SHOULD, in fact, exist, and that she does deserve friends, would even help. I’m fortunate enough not to suffer from depression, but when I am feeling blue, people saying nice things to me have just made it worse; I’m sure they’re saying it out of pity. Bleh. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/43 "2010-12-23T05:27:18Z")
Nobody in her twitter world close enough to make a drive-by? ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/44 "2010-12-23T05:50:51Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Nobody in her twitter world close enough to make a drive-by? Yeah, but I don’t know that person well, so…I don’t know what she’s doing. Hopefully something. Sorry for blathering on here. It’s kind of the only space I have that the friend in question isn’t privy to. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/45 "2010-12-23T06:07:58Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Nobody in her twitter world close enough to make a drive-by? Shooting her is a bit harsh, don’t you think? ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/46 "2010-12-23T06:31:20Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > Nobody in her twitter world close enough to make a drive-by? Yeah, but she’s probably in a basement so it would be hard to get a clear shot. ETA: Damn you, **Cat Whisperer** , i didn’t see your post! ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/47 "2010-12-23T07:49:25Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Shooting her is a bit harsh, don’t you think? Monica Lewinsky survived Clinton’s attempt and lived to tell the tale. ---
**Author:** ![pusher123](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@pusher123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pusher123)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/48 "2010-12-23T08:50:52Z")
The Gap Conspiracy: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/6Aq6r_D81x0/hqdefault.jpg "The Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy Conspiracy of Mockery") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Aq6r_D81x0) :p;):mad::):rolleyes::D:dubious::smack::mad::p:p:p:eek: Here is another one: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7S\_tzkLMjY](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7S_tzkLMjY) ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/49 "2010-12-23T15:47:24Z")
You could tell her to go to the emergency room, and then ignore her. ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/50 "2010-12-23T16:25:05Z")
Slight tangent: > [@Miss\_Gnomer](#): > > I wouldn’t have called an ‘online friend’ a ‘stranger’ … but I do definitely not call them a ‘real friend’. I would never say that an “online friend” couldn’t be a “real friend”. I don’t know in what specific sense the OP means it, but for me and a lot of people I know (many of them online, heh), the distinction isn’t necessarily between “online friends” and “real friends”, but “online friends” and “meat world friends”, either of which can be real or not regardless of locality. People who I know online can be as much a real friend as people I know in the “meat world” as it were, even though they might not be close enough geographically to interact in said “meat world”. By the same token, I have acquaintances in the “meat world” that are not nearly as real a friend as many I only know from online. In fact, for someone like me who moves around a lot, it’s easier to remain close to people online than it is if one’s friendship is dependent on being in the same place geographically. /tangent ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/51 "2010-12-23T17:04:44Z")
> [@Reply](#): > > Just tinker with your privacy settings and have Facebook hide your updates from your mom by default. Occasionally throw her a bone – some random update or photo – so she doesn’t get suspicious. Or, you can set the privacy for individual posts, notes, status updates, etc. that you don’t want specific people or groups of people to see. ---
**Author:** ![Dunkelheit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dunkelheit/32/248_2.png) [@Dunkelheit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunkelheit)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/52 "2010-12-23T17:06:51Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Shooting her is a bit harsh, don’t you think? You just gave me a Pepsi sinus wash. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/53 "2010-12-24T03:19:37Z")
Ooh - refreshing! Thinking about this a little more seriously, is it possible that what she wants is someone to acknowledge the pain she’s in? Do you suppose it would help at all if you told her just that, that you acknowledge her pain? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/54 "2010-12-24T07:24:32Z")
**Cat Whisperer** , if she wanted someone/anyone to acknowledge the pain, then the acknowledgements she’s receiving would work. I think **Crowbar of Irony +3** is right in that this circus is aimed at a specific person and the rest of the world is uninportant; moreover, anyone other than that reason who offers the desired support will either be ignored or filed under “ah! you just do not understand! _angst angst_” Juliet wants her Romeo, not her **Kyla**. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/55 "2010-12-24T16:56:41Z")
Hmm, you could be right. Maybe it would just be due diligence for **kyla** - “Well, I did what I could. Sorry I can’t help you.” ---
**Author:** ![whereismymind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/49beb7/32.png) [@whereismymind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whereismymind)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/56 "2010-12-24T17:05:30Z")
imo, if she is crying out for h.e.l.p…maybe she needs fucking HELP??? merry xmas to all you selfish fucks! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/57 "2010-12-24T17:15:24Z")
> [@whereismymind](#): > > imo, if she is crying out for h.e.l.p…maybe she needs fucking HELP??? > merry xmas to all you selfish fucks! Way to read for comprehension - **Kyla** said her comments back were ignored, and the friend told her later that she did indeed ignore **Kyla** ’s comments as she’s trying to get attention from a particular person by doing this. That’s pretty much the worst way to get **positive** attention if you’re trying to communicate with one person. Time to reach out and communicate directly, no passive-aggressive games, or make some extra trips/calls to the therapist. ---
**Author:** ![whereismymind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/49beb7/32.png) [@whereismymind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whereismymind)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/58 "2010-12-24T17:19:24Z")
It is what Borderline people do…push away people that try to help… How about gettin in touch with someone that can get a crisis expert to get to her??? Possbile? I mean…what is she really does go thru with her threats and kill herself??? Would you be glad you “ignored” her then??? Would you attend her funeral crying??? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/59 "2010-12-24T17:24:23Z")
Yeah, because calling the cops over days of “no one loves me” “you hate me” tweets is a great move that will be **so** productive. If she’s making overt threats then it’s time to intervene, but “wah, I’m acting out to try to make someone care” posts are another matter. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697/60 "2010-12-24T17:25:14Z")
You know, I think Dennis Miller said it best, “You can’t save everyone. Just try not to be living next to them when they go off.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-crisis-is-annoying-me-stop-me-from-being-an-asshole/564697.md?page=4)