# My friends forgot my birthday. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 18, 2011, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704 "2011-09-18T08:50:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/21 "2011-09-18T15:45:06Z")
When I lived in Berlin, I quickly learned not to tell anyone it was my birthday! It is a custom in Germany that when it is your birthday, YOU buy all the drinks for all your friends at the bar, YOU pay for your birthday cake and food and drinks at home, and YOU do all the work and planning and make sure everyone is invited. People actually get pissed off if they are not invited for the free food and drinks. It got to be a very pricey, time consuming event. When I moved back to the states, I continued to keep my birthdays low-key, and only a few people even know when it is, and I never make a big deal of it. So - sorry you feel this way, but for me, I am just as happy to let that day pass by quietly. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/22 "2011-09-18T15:54:43Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Matata](#): > > But how would you feel if your mom forgot, too? Oh, that has happened. At least once that I can remember. I can always hold it over her head for a guilt trip. šŸ˜ƒ > [@DMark](#): > > It is a custom in Germany that when it is your birthday, YOU buy all the drinks for all your friends at the bar, YOU pay for your birthday cake and food and drinks at home, and YOU do all the work and planning and make sure everyone is invited. People actually get pissed off if they are not invited for the free food and drinks. > > It got to be a very pricey, time consuming event. Same in India. And if they find out you held out and didnā€™t tell anyone, they make you take them out anyway. Thereā€™s also a big deal about keeping you up until midnight so they be the ā€œfirstā€ to wish you happy birthday and they all want to smear cake in your face. Itā€™s a real ordeal. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/23 "2011-09-18T16:05:02Z")
Happy Birthday! A little late, but still. šŸ™‚ I wonā€™t say it shouldnā€™t be important to you, because if your feelings are hurt itā€™s still a bummer. But I do agree with some others hereā€“when itā€™s your birthday, plan to celebrate! Tell everyone when and where youā€™re going and get that plan of action going. On my birthday I either take my family out (my treat) or I cook for everyone. As is thatā€™s anything new, heh. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/24 "2011-09-18T16:18:48Z")
I remember my parents birthday and my brothers. Everyone else is strictly on the facebook alert system. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/25 "2011-09-18T16:56:45Z")
To some people, birthdays arenā€™t that big of a deal. Iā€™m like that, and consider it a good thing if I remember to send a Happy Birthday text sometime during the month of your birthday. On the other hand, I spontaneously buy presents for my friends if I see something that they will like. I sent two batches of flowers this past week for friends who were going through a hard time. So itā€™s not that Iā€™m not thinking of them; Iā€™m just not necessarily thinking of them on a specific date. In short, donā€™t get caught up in trivial slights. There are far more important things in life. ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/26 "2011-09-18T17:44:51Z")
Iā€™d give you an 8, probably higher if you grew your hair out a little. If the guy in the photo was at a bar and I glanced at him, Iā€™d think ā€œHey, heā€™s pretty good lookinā€™.ā€ ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/27 "2011-09-18T18:14:00Z")
> [@nikonikosuru](#): > > Iā€™d give you an 8, probably higher if you grew your hair out a little. If the guy in the photo was at a bar and I glanced at him, Iā€™d think ā€œHey, heā€™s pretty good lookinā€™.ā€ Ahem..I think (hope) you are in the wrong thread. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/28 "2011-09-18T18:17:33Z")
> [@nikonikosuru](#): > > Iā€™d give you an 8, probably higher if you grew your hair out a little. If the guy in the photo was at a bar and I glanced at him, Iā€™d think ā€œHey, heā€™s pretty good lookinā€™.ā€ Are you trying to confuse us? I just left [that](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=14266542)thread.. šŸ˜› -D/a ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/29 "2011-09-18T18:36:47Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Thereā€™s only one person whose duty it is to ā€œrememberā€ your birthday and thatā€™s your mom. > > If you want your friends to mark your birthday itā€™s up to you to tell them and also to organize the event ā€“ hey itā€™s my birthday next week; letā€™s meet at my favorite sushi place after work. Thatā€™s how grownups do things. Exactly. I usually send out an email about two weeks in advance, letting people know where the dinner is going to be held and when, and could they please RSVP so I can make the reservation? Happy belated birthday, **Reverend.** šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/30 "2011-09-18T18:44:05Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > I remember my parents birthday and my brothers. Everyone else is strictly on the facebook alert system. Even then, I donā€™t say anything unless I am in actual realtime conversation with the person. ---
**Author:** ![Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@Romeo\_and\_Whatsherface](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Romeo_and_Whatsherface)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/31 "2011-09-18T22:38:17Z")
If you look at my other thread, youā€™ll see that my friends forgot my birthday, too. It really upset meā€¦for about 5 minutes. Then I realized I was using remembering my birthday as a measure of how much they cared about me, and thatā€™s the kind of stupid mistake young-and-foolish people make. (ā€œHe forgot our anniversary, so he doesnā€™t really loooooove me!ā€) I am not the center of their lives. Should I expect to be? I donā€™t like to blow my own horn, but I didnā€™t want to be pathetically alone, eitherā€“and itā€™s my first birthday since my mom passed, so Iā€™m especially wary of self-pity. I asked for suggestions here on IMHO and got quite a few excellent ones on the ā€œHow to Celebrate a Birthday Aloneā€ thread. Basically, Iā€™m going to be grateful Iā€™m alive, give to others, and be happy as can be. I think thatā€™s a nice tribute to my beloved mother, too. Why not do something nice for your friends on your special day? ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/32 "2011-09-19T00:05:08Z")
I love my birthday, but I never expect anyone else to remember it. I start thinking about what Iā€™m going to do for my birthday as soon as Christmas is over (bday is at the end of Jan). If I feel like I want to spend it with my friends, I call them up and invite them over or plan an evening out. All of my friends are like this, too. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/33 "2011-09-19T00:32:29Z")
Iā€™d be astonished if any of my friends _remembered_ my birthday. I barely remember it myself. I donā€™t get all the fuss about birthdays, beyond childhood. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/34 "2011-09-19T00:36:24Z")
I forget my parentsā€™ birthdays, my friendsā€™ birthdays and my significant othersā€™ birthdays. Sorry, they just donā€™t seem important to me. If Facebook tells me itā€™s someoneā€™s birthday I tell them ā€œHappy birthday!ā€ on their wall and thatā€™s about it. People donā€™t remember my birthday either so I donā€™t really see it as a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/35 "2011-09-19T02:13:01Z")
The only person who remembers my birthday is my husband. I remember his, no one elseā€™s. ---
**Author:** ![nikonikosuru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@nikonikosuru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nikonikosuru)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/36 "2011-09-19T02:51:46Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > Ahem..I think (hope) you are in the wrong thread. Ahahahaā€¦manā€¦sorry. :smack: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/37 "2011-09-19T13:11:12Z")
I donā€™t expect anyone to make a big deal out of my birthday, but I do like to be wished happy birthday, so - I remind them. Itā€™s not a big deal, just say, ā€œHey, itā€™s my birthdayā€. But no one calls me specially on my birthday! You saw both of them on Friday, you should have said something. ā€œHey, guys, arenā€™t you forgetting something? Itā€™s my birthday!ā€ And they wish you happy birthday and ask if you want to go out or something and you say yes or no, and we all move on. I am like you - I remember everyoneā€™s birthdays. But as I grow older I realize thatā€™s not a skill everyone hasā€¦it doesnā€™t make them bad people, they just have different skills. ---
**Author:** ![Foxy40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a9a28c/32.png) [@Foxy40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Foxy40)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/38 "2011-09-19T15:19:41Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > No, you should suck it up because birthdays are for kids. If itā€™s really that important to you, get a Facebook page and page sure your DoB is visible. > > ETA: Oh, and welcome to the board! I read through the entire thread and I think this is the best answer. Honestly, adults caring about birthdays and being acknowledged for simply being born seems creepy and immature to me. Your family should remember. Friends? I donā€™t expect my friends to take even a moment out of their lives to celebrate the importance of ME. That ended as a child along with birthday hates and cake and ice cream. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/39 "2011-09-19T15:31:41Z")
> [@Foxy40](#): > > That ended as a child along with birthday hates I still send birthday hates, donā€™t you? ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2011, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704/40 "2011-09-19T15:31:58Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Even then, I donā€™t say anything unless I am in actual realtime conversation with the person. I do post on their wall at least. I mean i am already checking facebook and there is a large reminder right there and probably a ton of well wishes from other friends as well, iā€™d be kinda dickish not to post something at that point. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-forgot-my-birthday/596704.md?page=3)