# My Friend's Friend Claims She was Raped **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 27, 2005, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087 "2005-02-27T01:46:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/81 "2005-03-09T21:52:37Z")
I think it’s more than time to call them. I really do. Anna needs help, pronto, whether she thinks she does or not. Please. Get up the nerve and call. Sometimes friendships involve doing very very hard things. ---
**Author:** ![Cranky\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cranky\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cranky_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/82 "2005-03-09T22:34:32Z")
Dare\_Devil007- It’s time to stop making excuses because you’re afraid Hannah may not like you anymore if you tell. Make the anonymous call. You know it’s the right thing to do. So do it! Whatever happens later has GOT to be better for Anna than allowing this situation to continue. She needs help. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/83 "2005-03-09T22:38:43Z")
Even if Anna has made the whole thing up for attention, she obviously needs help. The only way I see her getting that help, at this point, is a visit from CPS. Make the call. (Worst case. Hannah gets mad at you. OK, so? Has she never been mad before? Will she stay mad if Anna gets help? Is her not being mad worth letting Anna dangle on the rope of uncertainty?) ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/84 "2005-03-09T23:03:40Z")
_…social services cannot be notified because it’s Anna’s choice to make and we can’t make that choice for her" and that “the social services won’t help, anyways, because there are too many uncertainties.”_ 1. Anna may not be able to make a clear choice. Re-read some of the responses that you’ve received from older women who were in similar situations in the past. 2)Social Services will help. The “too many uncertainties” line is B.S., injected to muddy the water. - My mother thinks it’s all a load of crap and doesn’t want me to lose sleep over this anymore."\* What do YOU think? Are Anna, Hannah or both likely to be playing the drama queen card here, or do you think there’s a real problem? If Anna’s actually saying these things, if she has, indeed, cut herself on purpose, she needs help. She won’t seek help herself. The only reason Hannah should be upset about a call to Social Services is if Hannah, herself, has made all this up. It’s time for _somebody_ to make the call. If there’s no problem at Anna’s house, Social Services will find that out too. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/85 "2005-03-09T23:28:35Z")
Twenty years ago, my mother would also have been furious if someone had tried to get help on my behalf. Now, I think, she realizes it might have been better if someone had. Instead, both my parents and I have regrets and, at 27, I wound up in a mental health ward nearly catatonic and willing myself to die. The suicide attempts I confessed to at age 14 weren’t the last ones and I didn’t get help until I wound up on that ward. I didn’t realized I deserved or could get help. The damage that was done in those days still lingers, and it’s only in the past few years I’ve realized that people are willing to help me. (This message board helped with that, by the way.) I won’t lie to you and tell you what you’re facing is easy. It’s dead hard. I don’t know if you have any idea of who I am or what you think of me. Still, on behalf of my 14 year old self who was _taught_ it doesn’t matter who you tell or what you try or how desperate you become, no one will help you because a subhuman creature like you doesn’t deserve help, please make that call. The summer before I confessed to that suicide attempt, I couldn’t keep my best friend from having a nervous breakdown. I couldn’t stop the insults, the cruelty, and the torment which were my daily life. Perhaps, by helping you, by lending you my strength and courage which are formidable, we can help this young woman. If you want more one-on-one support, my e-mail address is in my profile and I can send you my phone number. You’re not doing this alone. You’ve got a whole bunch of people on this message board standing behind you. It is your choice and your decision, but we are with you. As it is, I respect you greatly for what you’ve done so far. Strength and courage to you, CJ ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/86 "2005-03-09T23:30:35Z")
> [@](#): > > _originaly posted by_ **John Carter of Mars** > If Anna’s actually saying these things, if she has, indeed, cut herself on purpose, she needs help. She won’t seek help herself. > [snip] > It’s time for somebody to make the call. If there’s no problem at Anna’s house, Social Services will find that out too. Even if Anna is not being abused, she is screeming for help. The accusation and the cutting are absolute calls for help. There is something seriously wrong at Anna’s house, even if it is the wiring in Anna’s head, and at this point whatever it is, has to be dealt with by people with training. It is so unfair that this is on your head, but it looks like it is. The big question has to be: who do you want to be as a grownup? Do you respect those grownups ( Most of them manditory reporters) who keep putting it back on your shoulders? Do you want to grow up to be them? ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2005, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/87 "2005-03-09T23:46:01Z")
**dare\_devil007\_** , I’ve been following this thread for a while and it seems like you’re not going to stop worrying or stop losing sleep until you call. If Hannah gets mad at you, I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. Seems to me she’s not a very good friend if she believes Anna was raped and isn’t doing anything to help her. As has been said earlier in this thread, some people get stuck in bad situations and can’t get themselves out. From what you’ve told us, you’re the only one who is willing to help Anna. If Hannah is a real friend, she’ll get over it if you call CPS. If not, at least you’ll have done right by Anna. Really and truly, there will be other friends out there for you, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. Now get that courage together and CALL. I know it’s hard - it would seem impossible if I was in your situation, but I hope I would do the right thing. Even if CPS finds that nothing has happened, you’ll know you didn’t let bad things keep happening. Calling CPS is the only decision that’s going to feel right in the long run. And please let us know how it turns out. There are a whole bunch of Dopers out here who are worried about you and Anna and Hannah. GT ---
**Author:** ![dare\_devil007](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@dare\_devil007](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dare_devil007)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/88 "2005-03-10T15:05:36Z")
I’m sorry, everyone, but I still haven’t called. Last night, I was praying and praying and asking God what He wants me to do. This is how desperate I’ve become and I still don’t know what He wants me to do. I really don’t care what Hannah says anymore because this is driving our friendship apart anyways, rather than bringing us closer together. I’m just waiting to see if God will give me some sort of sign in regards to calling Toronto Children’s Aid. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/89 "2005-03-10T15:24:06Z")
Okay, I’m probably one of the least religious people on the planet, so I’m not entirely sure what usually passes for a sign, but you seem to know what needs to be done. This situation has been keeping you up at night and weighing on your mind for a long time. You have a lot of people here giving you good advice. Maybe these are God’s ways of speaking to you. I do understand that this is a large situation to take on at your age, and I hope that everything works out for everyone involved. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/90 "2005-03-10T15:31:03Z")
Let yourself visualize not calling. Completely imagine and embrace the concept of dropping this right now and doing nothing further. How do you feel? Are you satisfied that you have done enough and do you feel content with your decision? Hopefully answering those questions will help to clear your mind. I’m also with **Omega Glory** , in not being a religious person, but if I were, I might see the advice given in this thread as being a sign. ---
**Author:** ![Brendan\_Donovan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Brendan\_Donovan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brendan_Donovan)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/91 "2005-03-10T16:01:25Z")
Hasn’t this gone on long enough? Dare\_devel I remain unconvinced. I would be willing to believe that you are being sincere but someone in this chain is not. I call shennigans because of the reason in my prior post and shennigans because of all this stalling. God won’t call for you. BTW Some dopers here have put their soul out for this and I hope it was not for some whim. I really truely hope I am wrong and thus I hope you do what has you must. Sadly this has not moved any further since the first post almost 2 weeks ago. Shennigans. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/92 "2005-03-10T16:15:54Z")
I would think that a bunch of us saying “Call!” might be your sign, huh? Not that I am speaking for God, but you know that whatever is going on with Anna is NOT GOOD. You have the power to start getting her help, and you know it. Don’t throw that away. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/93 "2005-03-10T17:24:12Z")
Call. Do it. God _is_ giving you a sign–this is the right thing to do, and I think you know it. Go for it and be strong. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/94 "2005-03-10T17:25:52Z")
> [@Brendan Donovan](#): > > Hasn’t this gone on long enough? Dare\_devel I remain unconvinced. I would be willing to believe that you are being sincere but someone in this chain is not. > > I call shennigans because of the reason in my prior post and shennigans because of all this stalling. God won’t call for you. A) The word is shenanigans. B) You expect something like this to be resolved in a day? ---
**Author:** ![Penchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Penchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penchan)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/95 "2005-03-10T18:18:44Z")
Ok think of it this way, if Anna is right, and her stepdad did rape her, would you want that man to walk free? Would you want him to possibly subject another young girl to this torment? Now what if he didn’t, and you did call? You’d be getting help for a girl who obviously needs it. It’s a no-brainer at this point. Make the call. ---
**Author:** ![booklover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@booklover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/booklover)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/96 "2005-03-10T18:37:43Z")
**dare\_devil007\_** , this is the first day I’ve read this thread, and all I can say is: CALL. Twelve years ago, I was in Anna’s position. I adamantly did not want my friends to talk to the guidance counselor, drag social services into it, etc. What I know now is that I was in a situation completely out of my control that could not have been resolved without professional help. At the very least, call for your own peace of mind and to get it off your own shoulders. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/97 "2005-03-11T00:43:51Z")
Please email **Siege** as she invited you to do in her last post. Best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/98 "2005-03-11T01:57:25Z")
> [@dare\_devil007\_](#): > > I’m sorry, everyone, but I still haven’t called. > > Last night, I was praying and praying and asking God what He wants me to do. This is how desperate I’ve become and I still don’t know what He wants me to do. I really don’t care what Hannah says anymore because this is driving our friendship apart anyways, rather than bringing us closer together. I’m just waiting to see if God will give me some sort of sign in regards to calling Toronto Children’s Aid. **dare\_devil** , I understand your fears and think the adults should all be sterilized for putting this back on you, but you are using God to justify your cowardice. You are stronger than this. And if you aren’t, He is (I promise). > [@John Carter of Mars](#): > > Hannah, guidance counselors, parents, et.al. have not stepped up. Someone should. Not someone: _you_ ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/99 "2005-03-11T01:58:40Z")
Wanted to add: you aren’t alone. My email’s in my profile if you need anything at all. ---
**Author:** ![SusanStoHelit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@SusanStoHelit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SusanStoHelit)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087/100 "2005-03-11T02:04:06Z")
Wanted to add: you aren’t alone. My email’s in my profile if you need anything at all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-friend-claims-she-was-raped/292087.md?page=6)