# My friend's husband is dying and I can't send flowers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 2, 2020, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909 "2020-04-02T20:05:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/21 "2020-04-03T14:29:37Z")
Flowers are not worthless. Yes, I know they don’t last as long as we wish, but while they are there flowers are beautiful and lift spirits. If there are a lot they can be passed to others as well. I once sent a condolence card to the family of a grade school teacher I’d had. Her husband brought me a huge bouquet that had been on display at the church. I was the only former student who had sent a card. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/22 "2020-04-03T15:03:23Z")
[The Arbor Day Foundation](https://shop.arborday.org/content.aspx?page=commemorative-sample-tim)will plant trees in exchange for your donation and send your friend information about the trees planted in the deceased’s honor. I’d prefer that to flowers anyway. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/23 "2020-04-03T15:22:01Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Flowers are not worthless. Yes, I know they don’t last as long as we wish, but while they are there flowers are beautiful and lift spirits. If there are a lot they can be passed to others as well. I once sent a condolence card to the family of a grade school teacher I’d had. Her husband brought me a huge bouquet that had been on display at the church. I was the only former student who had sent a card. How wonderful for you. But speaking as the family member who is the point person for taking care of everything, including making all arrangements, paying for them and handling all the business matters that follow, I personally would much rather someone do something practical to make both my and my family’s life a little bit easier during that time rather than adding to the list of things I need to deal with. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/24 "2020-04-03T15:33:54Z")
Very sorry to hear about your friend’s husband. I agree with other posters that a donation in his name in lieu of flowers would be very thoughtful, and really needed right now. We did this a couple months ago at work when a coworker’s father passed-- we donated to a charity of his choosing. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/25 "2020-04-03T15:47:13Z")
[Costco sells flowers for delivery.](https://www.costco.com/floral.html) Or maybe contact a local nursery/garden center and see if they can deliver live plants? At least in Illinois, garden centers and nurseries are considered essential businesses because they sell items for growing food. And the one closest to us is doing free local deliveries. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/26 "2020-04-03T19:43:34Z")
Re: donations in lieu of flowers, he’s not dead yet and I want to send something to help cheer them up at home. I’ve taken Periwinkle’s suggestion and have ordered tulips to be sent. Maybe later I will do some of those other things. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2020, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/27 "2020-04-03T20:31:20Z")
That’s really nice, and after the foliage dies off, the bulbs can be planted to make a perpetual memorial. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2020, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/28 "2020-04-04T01:05:48Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I suspect not every soon-to-be widow shares that view. I’m aware. I just wish it had been there when my uncle died. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2020, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/29 "2020-04-04T22:49:18Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > So very true. When my husband died, the single most helpful gesture came from my next door neighbor, who quietly sent her lawn guys over the following Saturday morning. Yup, a fella from work organized some co–workers to come do my yard. I well up thinking about it. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/30 "2020-04-08T21:27:37Z")
This is almost a week late, but I just ordered flowers for myself from [www.1800flowers.com](http://www.1800flowers.com) (they were delivered yesterday). And a friend thought no one would deliver flowers to her mom until she tried that site. I’m sorry about your friend’s husband. ❤ ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/31 "2020-04-08T21:32:57Z")
If you can find a way to let him know your intentions and the reason it didn’t go through, but the intent is still there. Do something, or promise something for this moment. God Bless. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2020, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/32 "2020-04-08T23:09:42Z")
A dear friend’s attitude toward flowers: > [@](#): > > Ok, fine. They look pretty. But who’s going to change the water in the vase every day? I’m under stress here, but that’s okaaaay, I’ll interrupt my important tasks, drag myself over to the sink and mix up some plant food (probably have to google that) and make a mess… > > But nevertheless, no matter how much work I put in, these flowers are going to start dying. And that’ll be a wonnnnderful reminder, won’t it? So I’d vote for food or something practical. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2020, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909/33 "2020-04-09T05:40:31Z")
> [@digs](#): > > A dear friend’s attitude toward flowers:… Your friend sounds very rude, and if I knew her I would be hesitant to send anything her way lest it was also scorned so thoroughly. I am sure that she has many other good points, bless her heart. While the OP was able to send cut flowers a week ago (and I hope things are going as well as could be hoped), I noticed that nurseries are now able to sell cut flowers. I learned this when I called a nursery on the other side of the state and had them deliver a bunch of carnations to MIL. They were not cheap and they were not an arrangement in a vase, but it made her happy, so was worth it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-husband-is-dying-and-i-cant-send-flowers/850909.md?page=1)