# My friends who are late for lunch dates **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 1, 2007, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447 "2007-02-01T19:56:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2007, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/101 "2007-02-04T01:12:21Z")
[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo] So far in my experience, every non-punctual person I’ve met or heard about could be punctual if something very important required it. So I agree with **stutteringjane** that most people can be punctual if need be. [/QUOTE] I agree. I am punctual to the point of being neurotic. If I’m writing that last minute email or IM, I’m constantly looking at the time (see that little clock on the bottom right hand corner or your screen? That tells you what time it is!) to make sure I’m not late. However, Mr. **Lezlers** and his family are habitually late. I’ve learned that I can’t change their behavior, all I can do is modify my own so as not to let myself be driven crazy by their lack of punctuality. If Mr. **Lezlers** calls and tells me he’ll be home by 7:30, I’ll expect him by 8:30. That way, if he’s actually on time, it’s a pleasant suprise. OTOH, if he’s late, I’m expecting it and aren’t about to blow an artery. He’s one of those people who get “caught up” in what they’re doing and totally lose track of time. His family is just as bad. To them “1:30” means “anywhere from 1:00 to 2:00.” I’ve taken to dropping his daughter off at his mother’s when she’s going to visit, instead of having his mother pick her up at our house after she strolled in a half hour late more than once, with no excuse or apology, making me late for meetings. She looks at arrival times more as “guidelines” rather than actual times people are _expecting_ her. On the upside, whenever we’re meeting his family, I can relax and not push him about the time, because I know they won’t care. Same thing with my extended family (my immediate family is just like me with time, probably where I got it from). So long as we arrive within an hour of when we tell them, we’re fine. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2007, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/102 "2007-02-04T04:28:16Z")
Wow. That’s amazing. Two posts that vanished, like _poof_, into the ether. Interestingly, the google ad at the bottom of this page is about The Second Coming. Connection much?? **lezlers** , is there something you want to tell us??? 😛 Anyway, I just wanted to chime in and say that habitual tardiness is fucking annoying, and that if the rest of humanity can get it together to be somewhere at the right time, then you slackers can too. I’ll excuse you once, maybe twice and perhaps even three times, but after that you’re crossed off the list of people I take seriously. I am compulsively early. So scared of being late for anything, I will give myself more than ample time for arrival, which means lots of sitting around and twiddling my thumbs waiting. My sister? If you arrange to meet for a lunch somewhere, you might be lucky if she turns up by afternoon tea-time. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2007, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/103 "2007-02-04T05:50:23Z")
That was a disarmingly thoughtful response, **Obsidian**. I’m both impressed and a bit remorseful for the tone of my own post. (If that was your intent, then well played, sir!) I feel like offering to buy you a beer (or appropriate alternative), but then we’d have to agree on a time. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2007, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/104 "2007-02-04T06:23:35Z")
[QUOTE=kambuckta] Wow. That’s amazing. Two posts that vanished, like _poof_, into the ether. [/QUOTE] It would seem that open quote tags now just blank out the whole post. So for future reference, if you ever make a post that displays blank, check that all your tags are closed. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2007, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/105 "2007-02-04T07:20:16Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] It would seem that open quote tags now just blank out the whole post. So for future reference, if you ever make a post that displays blank, check that all your tags are closed. [/QUOTE] So, it’s not the **Second Coming** then? Bugger. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2007, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/106 "2007-02-04T07:36:51Z")
**Obsidian** , you’re not alone in wanting to be right and looking for validation and feeling special. You know what my first reaction is when I make a mistake driving? Look for reasons that the other driver was doing something that made me screw up. You’ve just described a very common feeling. Sorry, you’re even less special than you thought. 😃 (And good for you for your post. Admitting when you’re wrong is the mark of a pretty high quality person.) ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2007, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/107 "2007-02-04T21:04:34Z")
[QUOTE=Scarlett67] The way I think is, “Five minutes before I’ve scheduled myself to leave. If I’m ready enough to lollygag around writing an e-mail, I’m ready enough to hop in the car and not have to be rushed.” [/QUOTE] Perhaps this has already been said (because I’ve only gotten thus far in the thread), but can I add an “AMEN” and “THANK YA, JESUS” to that one? Also, I’d like to add (again, perhaps I’m the last dog to the dish on this one) that whereas people like me often get really annoyed by the tardiness of others and see it as a sub-conscious “My time is more important than yours” statement on the part of the tardy, I think our culture actually sort of prizes tardiness in a way, because it subtly indicates that the late person is very important and in a great deal of demand. So to build in extra time to get somewhere, and then arrive early and spend time twiddling one’s thumbs becomes the subtle, “I had nothing better to do” message. I myself have actually become more lax about punctuality, at least where my job is concerned, because (and I think I may have mentioned this here before) I work in a culture where if a meeting starts at, say, 2:00, then 2:00 is when you start gathering whatever materials you need for the meeting, and leave your desk. Used to drive me totally batty, especially if someone would approach me at 1:50 (when I was gathering _my_ materials to head to the meeting) and say something like, “I know you have a meeting at 2:00, but can I just have you for the next 10 minutes to go over X . . . ?” Ummmm, no, because that will make me late. Now I work with (and sit right next to) a person whose attendance is always required at certain meetings (in fact, it’s just me, her, and one other person) - whose presence is integral to the meeting even taking place - and if the meeting is at 2:00, then 2:00 is when she leaves her desk . . . **to head to the bathroom to pee before the meeting.** She’s higher up on the food chain than I am, and like I said, it’s a culture of tardiness, so I’ve learned to just suck it up to keep my blood pressure in check. By no means am I excusing tardiness, here, but I do think that for each person here who’s said that it bugs the shit out of them, there are just as many (if not more) people who don’t really mind it too much . . . . . . or have just learned to suck it up. ---
**Author:** ![komb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4da419/32.png) [@komb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/komb)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/108 "2007-02-05T00:51:49Z")
When people are late, start without them. Then don’t make future plans. Life’s too short to waste time on other people’s stresses. If they can’t keep their stress from being passed on to you, they are not worthy. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/109 "2007-02-05T20:19:44Z")
Ha, love a good SDMB righteous indignation circle-jerk. It’s comical how predictable they are, being a board full of basement dwelling morbidly obese losers with nothing better to do than post on a messageboard. Chronically late? You are a fucking asshole. Picky eater? Ditto. A disgusting fatbody? Hey, everybody’s different, why can’t we just accept people for the way they are? Nice hypocrisy there. I read most of the posts in this thread mentally substituting “overeating” for “being late.” Give it a try yourself, and you might start to understand the disgust people have with fatties. A couple samples to get you started: (You have to make the substitutions yourselves, since board rules prohibit editing attributed text.) > [@jsgoddess](#): > > That’s how ALL OF US live our fucking lives. Every single goddamn one of us who is punctual is punctual because we are making adjustments and sacrifices in order to make sure we’re on time. It means getting places early. It means potentially being bored. Big fucking deal. We’re adults, and we’re not retarded. > > The number of people who seem to want to claim to have brain damage or massive stupidity or retardation in this thread just astounds me. You really would prefer people think you are a brain-damaged retarded person than to be on time? Have at it. > > Just look through this thread and find how many of the late people are “exceptions” and “It doesn’t work for mes” and “I’m special.” I know people like to be special and to be individuals, but to make yourself look like you’re actually mentally retarded to do it is freaky, even for the Dope. > [@Swallowed my Cellphone](#): > > Oh, fer fuck’s sake. Get a watch, get your priorities straightened out, show up on time, and quit whining about how hard it is. You’re the one making it hard. > [@pizzabrat](#): > > People are just lazy, they don’t want to change, and they definitely can’t take any constructive criticism. Put your keys in the same place every day and you simply can’t lose them. Yes, starting a habit like that might be slightly inconveniencing, because it’s a tad bit more effort than just letting the keys end up wherever you feel like putting them down that evening, but an adult should have the foresight to realize the benefit of such a trade-off. Same goes for teaching yourself to think ahead enough to be punctual. The good news is, once stuff like that becomes a habit, it’s no longer as painful as it once was, but yes, you’re going to have to put some effort behind your self improvement initially. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/110 "2007-02-05T20:32:48Z")
You do make somewhat of a good point regarding the hypocrisy of defending our favourite sacred cows and attacking things we don’t care for here, **Ellis** , but being late and being overweight are not the same. Being late is a problem when it is affects other people - if you want to be late for your own train ride, be my guest. My friend being late for our lunch date affects me. Being overweight doesn’t affect other people. I think your next step in this dance is to tell us how overweight people are clogging the healthcare system. Then we go down the slippery slope of telling everybody how to live their lives perfectly so they never have to use the healthcare system. ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/111 "2007-02-05T20:37:57Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] That was a disarmingly thoughtful response, **Obsidian**. I’m both impressed and a bit remorseful for the tone of my own post. (If that was your intent, then well played, sir!) I feel like offering to buy you a beer (or appropriate alternative), but then we’d have to agree on a time. 🙂 [/QUOTE] People are often surprised by this, but I am actually a woman. I do like me my beer, though. 🙂 And, don’t worry about it, really. I think by participating in this thread, I opened up my own personal baggage for people to unwittingly step into. My parents had a bad habit of viewing children as adults, with adult motivations and adult thought processes. (The still assign all sorts of motivations to the dog that don’t exist either\*). They attributed intent to actions of simple ignorance or physical/emotional immaturity. I was constantly defending and justifying my motivations, instead of dealing with correcting the behavior. It’s given me the bad habit of reacting badly when I feel someone is accusing me of malice when in fact it’s negligence, which often leaves me so worked up proving that I didn’t do it on purpose, that I completely ignore the fact that I’m still in the wrong. I’m working hard on NOT going this. Honestly, the sooner I get smacked upside the head, the better. So don’t feel bad. \*It’s kind of too bad, though. I think they would be happier people if they could just face the fact that, for example, the dog isn’t peeing on the rug to spite you because you’re watching TV. She’s peeing on the rug because when she scratches at the door, you don’t get up until the next commercial. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/112 "2007-02-05T20:45:36Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > I think your next step in this dance is to tell us how overweight people are clogging the healthcare system. Then we go down the slippery slope of telling everybody how to live their lives perfectly so they never have to use the healthcare system. No, that’s the anti-smoking threads. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/113 "2007-02-05T20:55:08Z")
[QUOTE=Obsidian] People are often surprised by this, but I am actually a woman. I do like me my beer, though. 🙂 [/QUOTE] I assume that you mean people on message boards. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/114 "2007-02-05T21:42:38Z")
[QUOTE=Ellis Dee] Ha, love a good SDMB righteous indignation circle-jerk. It’s comical how predictable they are, being a board full of basement dwelling morbidly obese losers with nothing better to do than post on a messageboard. Chronically late? You are a fucking asshole. Picky eater? Ditto. A disgusting fatbody? Hey, everybody’s different, why can’t we just accept people for the way they are? Nice hypocrisy there. [/QUOTE] What the hell are you talking about? ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/115 "2007-02-05T21:55:50Z")
[QUOTE=Swallowed My Cellphone] What the hell are you talking about? [/QUOTE] His pet chip-on-his-shoulder, apparently. This thread had nothing to do with obesity and overeating, and no one has ever heard me apologize for either, yet here we are quoted as examples of hypocrisy. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/116 "2007-02-05T22:04:53Z")
That was really classy, **Ob**. I’m going to try to remember it, to encourage myself to entertain the possibility that I need to change my perspective, and to admit my errors/misperceptions when I identify them. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Little\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Bird)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/117 "2007-02-05T23:10:08Z")
[QUOTE=Heffalump and Roo] I’ll give a quick example. When I was in elementary school, my mom used to pick me up from school between 30-90 minutes late every day. By the time she picked me up, every student, teacher and even the principal had gone home for the day. So I sat next to an empty building in front of an empty parking lot. [/QUOTE] That was exactly me. Sometimes Mom would forget me entirely. Pre-cell phone days it was difficult to remind her. It’s strange because she prides herself on always knowing the exact time within 5 minutes, is crazy punctual to work and other “important” stuff, but ask her to pick up her 10 year old kid at 6:30 and her brain misfires. She is a great mom in a lot of ways, but kind of a crappy one in others. Now I’m married to a perpetual tardier. He always manages to get to work on time, but leaving the house to get to a movie or my parent’s for dinner is like pulling teeth. Strangely, he’s always early when we go to _his_ friend’s house. There have been times when I have needed him to pick me up or meet me somewhere and I was left to sit for ages. I always call him on it and he says “Well, I had to do this, and then this thing, and well, this other thing took longer than I thought it would…” like that’s some kind of excuse. I call it **Birdman-time** , as in "When you say you’ll be there in a five minutes, do you mean that in **Birdman-time** , or in normal person time? He just doesn’t get that when things are important _to me_ it’s just as important to be on time as when they are important _to him_, and maybe those other things can wait until later. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447/118 "2007-02-05T23:29:37Z")
[QUOTE=Ellis Dee] Ha, love a good SDMB righteous indignation circle-jerk. It’s comical how predictable they are, being a board full of basement dwelling morbidly obese losers with nothing better to do than post on a messageboard. [/QUOTE] Says Charter Member, Join Date: 2003. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-friends-who-are-late-for-lunch-dates/390447.md?page=5)