# My fucking dad - excuse me, my FATHER **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 9, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927 "2012-01-09T15:56:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![St\_Jimmy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@St\_Jimmy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St_Jimmy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/1 "2012-01-09T15:56:17Z")
My father doesn’t give a shit about me, yet he’d die for his son. I’ve never met the man, but I know he exists, because I’ve talked to him over the phone. And what did that little shit say? “Hey…um…What kind of music do you like?” He didn’t even wait for me to answer, just hung up like my answer wasn’t at all important to him. WTF?!:mad: ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/2 "2012-01-09T16:03:13Z")
Boy do you have shitty taste in music. ---
**Author:** ![elninost0rm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ed655f/32.png) [@elninost0rm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elninost0rm)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/3 "2012-01-09T16:03:54Z")
Newsletter, etc. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/4 "2012-01-09T16:06:26Z")
But I’d always thought that hanging up the phone doesn’t stop the voices. You learn something new every day. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/5 "2012-01-09T16:07:11Z")
I’ll take “posts that don’t make a lick of sense” for $100, Alex. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/6 "2012-01-09T16:07:30Z")
> [@St\_Jimmy](#): > > My father doesn’t give a shit about me, yet he’d die for his son. Would you be his daughter then, because otherwise this makes no sense? ---
**Author:** ![St\_Jimmy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@St\_Jimmy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St_Jimmy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/7 "2012-01-09T16:08:54Z")
Yeah, sorry, I guess that kind of needed to be made clear. I’m his only daughter that he doesn’t give a shit about. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/8 "2012-01-09T16:13:51Z")
> [@St\_Jimmy](#): > > Yeah, sorry, I guess that kind of needed to be made clear. I’m his only daughter that he doesn’t give a shit about. You the only daughter he doesn’t give a shit about because all his other daughters don’t have crappy taste in music. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/9 "2012-01-09T16:15:07Z")
Could you give us more detail here? You’re grown and, I assume adopted or with your mother only? What was the circumstances with the phone call? Was he expecting it? How do you know how well he treats his son? I understand you may be hurting. I’m just suggesting we might be able to understand what’s going on better if you can talk more. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/10 "2012-01-09T16:16:47Z")
> [@St\_Jimmy](#): > > I’ve never met the man, but I know he exists, because I’ve talked to him over the phone. A doesn’t follow B. Also: needs more cowbell. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/11 "2012-01-09T16:35:56Z")
Maybe you can find a nice college guy who’ll let you cry on his shoulder. ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/12 "2012-01-09T16:36:17Z")
> [@St\_Jimmy](#): > > My father doesn’t give a shit about me, yet he’d die for his son. I’ve never met the man, but I know he exists, because I’ve talked to him over the phone. And what did that little shit say? “Hey…um…What kind of music do you like?” He didn’t even wait for me to answer, just hung up like my answer wasn’t at all important to him. WTF?!:mad: What a jerk! The least he could do is ask what you were wearing and what celebrity you looked like. (Yeah, I know. I’ve already made the reservation. Do they let you bring bottled water?) ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/13 "2012-01-09T17:38:49Z")
Leave the door open. Stay in contact, avoid dramatic moments, simply let him know, in small bites, who you are. If he is a thoroughly rotten human being, there is scant hope, but few of us are that totally gone. Fill the hole with others, take a bit of love and wisdom from the sources you meet, they’re out there. Gotta be careful, of course, but a bit here, a bit there, it adds up. A grandfather, an uncle, a teacher. Apply a bit of judo. Ask for advice. Fathers are suckers for advice-giving, they can’t help it. If you are really, really lucky, it will be excellent advice. Probably not, but it never hurts to ask. Recruit allies, someone else in the family he loves and respects. Or even just loves, for that matter. Its possible that nothing can help, it happens, but it happens rarely. Then the only thing left is to break the chain, bad parents usually had bad parents. In the fullness of time, when your turn comes, be the parent you wish you had, and the circle will close, the hole is filled. None of these things are easy, and here comes the toughest one. Forgive. If you can’t quite manage it, get as close as you can, and call it a day. Leave a trail of crumbs to the open door, and someday you may see him standing there. Awkwardly. Uncomfortable, uncertain, likely to say something really, really _stupid!_ Something like “So, what kind of music do you like?” ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/14 "2012-01-09T17:55:12Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Leave the door open. Stay in contact, avoid dramatic moments, simply let him know, in small bites, who you are. If he is a thoroughly rotten human being, there is scant hope, but few of us are that totally gone. Fill the hole with others, take a bit of love and wisdom from the sources you meet, they’re out there. Did you just call the OP a slut? That’s not very PC of you. Besides, if she won’t put out for that college kid, what makes you think she’s interested? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/15 "2012-01-09T17:59:50Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Maybe you can find a nice college guy who’ll let you cry on his shoulder. Win. ---
**Author:** ![St\_Jimmy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@St\_Jimmy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St_Jimmy)\ **Post date:** [January 9, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/16 "2012-01-09T21:59:02Z")
To the really long reply - thanks. Thanks the only comment that helped. ---
**Author:** ![Belowjob2.0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Belowjob2.0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belowjob2.0)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/17 "2012-01-10T17:21:46Z")
I’m not your father, but I’d love to be your Daddy! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/18 "2012-01-10T22:33:04Z")
So, OP, what kind of music do you like? From your name I’d guess Jimmy Buffet. That’s some good music right there. You might also like the outstanding puppetry of Jimmy Henson. A tv show you might also like is Jimmy Neutron. Also have you cracked any good corn lately? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2012, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/19 "2012-01-10T23:26:45Z")
> [@St\_Jimmy](#): > > To the really long reply - thanks. Thanks the only comment that helped. How did you want us to help? You don’t seem to be asking for advice. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927/20 "2012-01-11T22:31:06Z")
Here’s some hardboiled and ccynical advice… If you never even met him, and he does not seem to be interested in you now, and since you never met him I can assume he never gave a shit anyway, then to hell with him too. You made it this far without him. You can certainly keep on going. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-fucking-dad-excuse-me-my-father/608927.md?page=2)