# My gaydar is broken **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 13, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021 "2007-09-13T03:41:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/1 "2007-09-13T03:41:51Z")
There’s nothing quite like flirting with a girl for days on end, thinking of her every waking moment, having her talk about how the two of you should go off and do things alone (_eyebrow waggle_) and then when you get a little more forward? Confusion! What? Oh, no, she doesn’t like girls. We were just kidding around. Weren’t you kidding around? :smack: I swear, I was convinced she was into me, convinced that she was giving very clear signals and then…pfft. Nothing. I hadn’t realized that it was normal for straight girls to talk at great length about gay sex and make repeated innuendos towards other girls. Clearly, my gaydar is completely useless. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/2 "2007-09-13T04:02:05Z")
Gee, that sucks. Gay guys never have to worry about that I bet. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/3 "2007-09-13T05:37:32Z")
Ouch! Is everything irretrievably awkward now? For that matter, do you care or is this one of those things you just want to put behind you so as to cringe less, etc? ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/4 "2007-09-13T06:10:28Z")
Well… at least you’re not a man finding out later (while separated by hundreds of miles and talking online) that she really _was_ into guys back then (and still is now, but I digress)… and, more specifically, she was into _you_, but you never put out any signals because you thought she was into girls. ::lets lose wordless shout of pure anger and regret into the night:: See what you made me do. If only everyone could just say how they really feel. Meh. In [what passes for] sympathy, Regallag the Axe ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/5 "2007-09-13T06:25:51Z")
[QUOTE=AHunter3] Ouch! Is everything irretrievably awkward now? For that matter, do you care or is this one of those things you just want to put behind you so as to cringe less, etc? [/QUOTE] For a minute there I was a bit freaked out and expecting I’d be hearing from mutual friends that I had gone raving lesbian on her or something and then I realized…eh. Not a big deal. She didn’t react badly and it was just one of those momentary moments of idiocy and embarrassment. Besides, there’s that small, stupid part of my brain that says, “Maybe she’s in denial and I still have a shot!” Heh. I’m not too broken up, really. More amused at my idiocy and wishful thinking than anything else. **Regallag\_The\_Axe** - Ouch! That would be rough. My sympathies and apologies on behalf of my gender. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/6 "2007-09-13T06:48:27Z")
[QUOTE=Snarky\_Kong] Gee, that sucks. Gay guys never have to worry about that I bet. [/QUOTE] From what I’ve heard from friends, it can be a problem for them–guys who are “straight” or curious or just screwing with your head for whatever reason. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/7 "2007-09-13T06:55:45Z")
[QUOTE=Snarky\_Kong] Gee, that sucks. Gay guys never have to worry about that I bet. [/QUOTE] _Whaaawnk!_ Sorry, Snark. Vanna, show him our lovely consolation prizes. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/8 "2007-09-13T06:57:09Z")
[QUOTE=Snarky\_Kong] Gee, that sucks. Gay guys never have to worry about that I bet. [/QUOTE] “God was I drunk last night” is usually the term heard most often. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/9 "2007-09-13T15:14:10Z")
[QUOTE=CaerieD] Besides, there’s that small, stupid part of my brain that says, “Maybe she’s in denial and I still have a shot!” Heh. [/QUOTE] Are you \*sure \* you’re not a guy? ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/10 "2007-09-13T15:18:47Z")
[QUOTE=Regallag\_The\_Axe] Well… at least you’re not a man finding out later (while separated by hundreds of miles and talking online) that she really _was_ into guys back then (and still is now, but I digress)… and, more specifically, she was into _you_, but you never put out any signals because you thought she was into girls. ::lets lose wordless shout of pure anger and regret into the night:: See what you made me do. If only everyone could just say how they really feel. Meh. [/QUOTE] Heh. At least you’re not a man finding out later (after you’ve just got married) that she was really into girls but hadn’t mentioned it… ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/11 "2007-09-13T15:23:03Z")
[QUOTE=Snarky\_Kong] Gee, that sucks. Gay guys never have to worry about that I bet. [/QUOTE] I wouldn’t say never, but I imagine it’s less. Straight guys generally will go to any length to make sure you know they’re straight. We aren’t usually very coy about that. ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/12 "2007-09-13T15:40:47Z")
[QUOTE=DMark] “God was I drunk last night” is usually the term heard most often. [/QUOTE] A gay guy friend of mine always gets this. He’ll take a guy home and fool around with him, then agonize over whether to call him or try to run into him again, then when he does he gets the “Man, I was drunk that night we hung out!” Bonus points for “I don’t remember a thing!” ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/13 "2007-09-13T15:54:58Z")
[QUOTE=Zjestika] A gay guy friend of mine always gets this. He’ll take a guy home and fool around with him, then agonize over whether to call him or try to run into him again, then when he does he gets the “Man, I was drunk that night we hung out!” Bonus points for “I don’t remember a thing!” [/QUOTE] That’s so lame. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![CaerieD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@CaerieD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaerieD)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/14 "2007-09-13T16:41:59Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] Are you \*sure \* you’re not a guy? [/QUOTE] Mm, nope. Just checked and I’m all girl! I’ve actually run into this sort of thing before, though, so it wouldn’t surprise me if she _did_ turn out to be in denial. It’s a very odd ploy where somebody who doesn’t want to admit she’s gay or bi will flirt and make suggestive comments and then deny it when confronted, all the while secretly hoping that the other person will push the issue enough that she can be seduced into gayness.\* That’s how a girl I know was “turned gay” some years back, much to everyone’s amusement since she might as well have been wearing a flashing sign over her head declaring her interest in women. I’m not really all that interested in playing games, though, even if the stupid part of my brain says differently. Coming to terms with my own bisexuality was (and remains) hard enough and while there’s nothing wrong with struggling with your orientation, trying to act out some sort of coy seduction into gayness is…annoying. - And I see the male version of this has already been mentioned! ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/15 "2007-09-13T16:53:49Z")
[QUOTE=matt\_mcl] _Whaaawnk!_ Sorry, Snark. Vanna, show him our lovely consolation prizes. [/QUOTE] . . . is it a toaster oven? Or something more modest? Like toast. Or scrambled eggs thrown angrily into the garbage. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/16 "2007-09-13T18:01:21Z")
[QUOTE=CaerieD] I’m not really all that interested in playing games, though, even if the stupid part of my brain says differently. Coming to terms with my own bisexuality was (and remains) hard enough and while there’s nothing wrong with struggling with your orientation, trying to act out some sort of coy seduction into gayness is…annoying. - And I see the male version of this has already been mentioned! [/QUOTE] I completely agree with that last bit. This one time, not at band camp, I had a guy that was lightly flirting with me so I let him know I was interested and it led to…well somewhat heavier flirting. We got to the point of ‘are we going to head somewhere private or not’ when he excused himself with an I have to use the restroom excuse and just didn’t come back. I was pissed off to put it mildly and the straight guys around who had observed the situation were pissed off on my behalf as well. All I can say is, if you aren’t sure what you want or know you don’t want it…don’t play the game. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/17 "2007-09-13T18:08:40Z")
[QUOTE=matt\_mcl] _Whaaawnk!_ Sorry, Snark. Vanna, show him our lovely consolation prizes. [/QUOTE] Hmm, not a single one of my straight friends would flirt with another guy. I figured with lesbians being more acceptable, at least in my neck of the woods, you’d have girls flirting more. I’ve never heard of two guys making out to get the attention of some girl for example. ---
**Author:** ![poetwarlord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@poetwarlord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poetwarlord)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/18 "2007-09-13T19:12:08Z")
I’m suspicious of her “kidding around”. My gaydar is making beeps here because it sounds like she is in denial of being gay or bisexual. It is just my theory that she has sexual feelings toward you but doesn’t want to be stigmatized as a lesbian. I’ve heard that most people who claim to be bisexual are really gay and don’t want to admit it because a true bisexual would just pretend to be hetero because the social stigma is too much. I have a female friend who had a girlfriend, and they had a sexual relationship for several months before breaking up. Afterwards, my friend doesn’t want to be thought of as a bisexual. However, in this situation, I would play it off like it was all a joke because I don’t think you should count on her coming around any time soon so keep all your other options open. This is just my theory but I think most bisexuals never come out of the closet. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/19 "2007-09-13T20:27:28Z")
I’ve got a few straight friends who flirt with me in a joking manner. You’d think they’d learn better, because I’m always willing to take my entendres one step further than they are, and they end up squirming in discomfort. It’s great fun! > [@poetwarlord](#): > > I’ve heard that most people who claim to be bisexual are really gay and don’t want to admit it because a true bisexual would just pretend to be hetero because the social stigma is too much. I have a female friend who had a girlfriend, and they had a sexual relationship for several months before breaking up. Afterwards, my friend doesn’t want to be thought of as a bisexual. As a bisexual, I disagree with this. A lot of homosexuals do go through a, “I’m really bi,” phase, but it generally doesn’t last once they realize that anyone who’s going to give them shit because they’re homosexual is also going to give them shit for being bisexual. It’s not like you can offset your gay sex by having straight sex, like Al Gore buying carbon credits, or something. Plus, bisexuals take from both sides (no pun intended\*). Straights are down on you for having gay sex, and other gays are down on you for not “committing” to being gay. As the social stigma against homosexuality continues to breakdown, I think you’re going to see a lot more nominally heterosexual people willing to “experiement” with gay sex because they don’t have any hang ups about homosexuality, and hey! A blowjob’s a blowjob. It’s all just friction, right? I know a few people who identify as straight who have messed around with people of their own gender (and a few gays who’ve done the same with the opposite gender) beceause there was enough attraction there to make it worth a shot, but not enough to make it worth doing for a long-term basis. Personally, I’d like to see this result in a much tighter definition of the word “bisexual,” so that folks like that are excluded. A guy who’s only interested in girls romantically, but will sleep with another dude on occasion when he’s in a dry spell shouldn’t really be considered bisexual, IMO. Sexuality should be about more than just who you fuck. There’s huge elements of attraction, romantic interest, and self-identity that get improperly excluded under that definition of the term. \*I’m lying there: I totally intended that pun. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/20 "2007-09-13T20:36:07Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] A guy who’s only interested in girls romantically, but will sleep with another dude on occasion when he’s in a dry spell shouldn’t really be considered bisexual, IMO. [/QUOTE] I agree, and would like to add the flip side of this coin: otherwise straight girls who knock back a couple shots of Patron, then magically start making out with other girls on the dance floor, are _not_ bisexual. They’re **FREAKING AWESOME** , but they aren’t bisexual. 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021.md?page=2)