# My gaydar is broken **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 13, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021 "2007-09-13T03:41:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/21 "2007-09-13T21:16:44Z")
I have to relate this story now. I worked closely with this officer while on deployment. We will call him CPT Burns. During a typical “fight the incessant boredom” bull sessions that we had he posed this question to me: Can a man have sex with another man, even one time, and not be a homosexual? I responded that he could. That there is a huge difference between the act and a person’s orientation. Usually, orientation is a label that one must apply to one’s self and the act may result for many different reasons. I even stated that he cannot honestly believe that all the female porn stars who have lesbian scenes are truly lesbians. He replied that it is not the same for females. He also stated that any man who seeks out another male for sex or accepts an offer of sex from another man is gay no matter what he calls himself. The only reason I still recall this story is because CPT Burns used to state, upon introducing me to people is: SSG Schwartz thinks that a man can have sex with another man without being gay. :eek: SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/22 "2007-09-13T21:22:33Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] I agree, and would like to add the flip side of this coin: otherwise straight girls who knock back a couple shots of Patron, then magically start making out with other girls on the dance floor, are _not_ bisexual. They’re **FREAKING AWESOME** , but they aren’t bisexual. 😛 [/QUOTE] I fully agree! Now, if only we could encourage this behavior in straight guys. Any volunteers? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/23 "2007-09-13T21:27:56Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] I fully agree! Now, if only we could encourage this behavior in straight guys. Any volunteers? [/QUOTE] _sigh_ Line up the shots. :rolleyes: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/24 "2007-09-13T21:44:01Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] …\*I’m lying there: I totally intended that pun. [/QUOTE] We have the confession, I don’t see why any further legalistic technicalities are required. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/25 "2007-09-13T21:44:12Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] I fully agree! Now, if only we could encourage this behavior in straight guys. Any volunteers? [/QUOTE] I actually met such a person earlier this year. His otherwise straightness cred is in order, I’m friends with his ex-wife. But he most certainly got stinking drunk and aforementioned kissing did commence. And damn is he hot. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/26 "2007-09-13T21:47:47Z")
[QUOTE=elucidator] We have the confession, I don’t see why any further legalistic technicalities are required. [/QUOTE] It’s a fair cop, but society’s to blame. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/27 "2007-09-13T21:52:22Z")
I think **CaerieD** ’s theory of what her friend is doing is right on the button! As has been mentioned, there are straight guys who flirt with and make gay guys think they are gay and a relationship is in the offing. Aside from those guys who are willing to experiment (I’ll reserve judgment on what I think is truly going on there), some heterosexual men: (a) like to fuck with (pun intended) gay men’s heads (pun – you decide); (b) like the attention, wherever it’s coming from, and/or; © as in my worst experience, treat the interaction exactly like a romantic relationship. That includes all the words, sentiments, eyes meeting, hours on the phone, talk of connection, hopes, dreams, etc., but in the end sex is just not going to happen. The framework for being gay is there but sex is the line they will not cross. **CaerieD** , perhaps you should forget about her as a possible romantic entanglement. Even if she does cross over, it seems the propensity to play games and not be honest with herself or you would manifest itself in other ways. good luck with finding someone truly interested in you and who can express that openly, honestly and, uhmmm, fervently. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/28 "2007-09-13T21:58:34Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] … (c) as in my worst experience, treat the interaction exactly like a romantic relationship. That includes all the words, sentiments, eyes meeting, hours on the phone, talk of connection, hopes, dreams, etc., but in the end sex is just not going to happen. \*\*The framework for being gay is there but sex is the line they will not cross. \*\* [/QUOTE] bolding mine I am thinking a comma or too could clarify this a little. 😃 SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/29 "2007-09-13T22:03:26Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] The framework for being gay is there but sex is the line they will not cross. [/QUOTE] I agree. Butt sex is certainly the line **I** won’t cross. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/30 "2007-09-13T22:08:01Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] I agree. Butt sex is certainly the line **I** won’t cross. 🙂 [/QUOTE] Bah, we know you’re just trying to score free drinks. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/31 "2007-09-13T22:10:22Z")
My gaydar isn’t broken. It’s just in need of a serious overhaul. See, instead of beeping and lighting up the little “gay” panel in my brain, it beeps and lights up the “wow, he’s a really cool guy. I wonder if he’d be interested in dating me. Or having hot monkey sex. Or something.” panel. Dammit. And I have, at least on one occasion, set off someone else’s gaydar with what I _swear_ was a false positive. Just because I hung out at my UU church after the sermon on gay rights and marriage equity to discuss it with other people, 90% of whom were gay, does not mean I am also gay. “So, phouka, when did you come out to your family?” “Uh…never? Because I’m not a lesbian? Seriously, I like men. A lot. Men Good!” (Fuck, I’m protesting too much!) _sigh_ Some days, I feel like the Charlie Brown of heterosexual women. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/32 "2007-09-13T22:11:38Z")
[QUOTE=SSG Schwartz] bolding mine I am thinking a comma or too could clarify this a little. 😃 SSG Schwartz [/QUOTE] The framework for being gay is there **COMMA** _but sex_ is the line they will not cross. I don’t think that’s any better. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/33 "2007-09-13T22:18:07Z")
[QUOTE=phouka] My gaydar isn’t broken. It’s just in need of a serious overhaul. See, instead of beeping and lighting up the little “gay” panel in my brain, it beeps and lights up the “wow, he’s a really cool guy. I wonder if he’d be interested in dating me. Or having hot monkey sex. Or something.” panel. [/QUOTE] I have the same problem with lesbians. Dammit, lesbians, stop being so awesome! ---
**Author:** ![Fetchund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@Fetchund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fetchund)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2007, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/34 "2007-09-13T23:53:19Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] I have the same problem with lesbians. Dammit, lesbians, stop being so awesome! [/QUOTE] Nope! Sorry! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/35 "2007-09-14T00:55:12Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] The framework for being gay is there **COMMA** _but sex_ is the line they will not cross. I don’t think that’s any better. [/QUOTE] You could have said, “The framework for being gay is there **COLON** but sex is the line they will not cross,” but that would have been redundant. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021/36 "2007-09-14T02:48:15Z")
[QUOTE=Snarky\_Kong] Gee, that sucks. Gay guys never have to worry about that I bet. [/QUOTE] Before my monogamous days . . . My gaydar used to malfunction within the few hours after having sex. I think it was due to depletion of testoserone. Which leads me to believe that gaydar is simply wishful thinking during a horny period. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gaydar-is-broken/419021.md?page=1)