# My gf chopped her hair off **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2013, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391 "2013-05-26T11:21:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/81 "2013-05-27T03:43:49Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > She can always just get [extensions.](http://hairextensionsglamor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/clip-in-hair-extensions-before-and-after-photos.jpg) Decent hair extensions are incredibly expensive ($1000+) and can be very painful. I made the mistake of getting sewn in extensions exactly once. Have you ever had a migraine for 3 months straight? I did. Oh, and forget about actually sleeping on your head, because the only way you’ll be able to sleep without pain is forehead down. Certainly, bonded in extensions wouldn’t cause these problems, but they’ll also be much more expensive— and require more frequent, costly upkeep. You linked to clip in hair extensions, which you don’t sleep in. The OP would never be able to run his fingers through her hair. These are cheaper than ‘permanent’ extensions, but they are still going to run a few hundred bucks. But hey, OP, if you’re that upset about her hair, that is an option. It sounds like you’re so torn up about this that you wouldn’t mind shelling out a few grand to fix it, right? > [@Acsenray](#): > > It seems rather precious. I don’t disagree. Was just clarifying :). ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/82 "2013-05-27T03:47:17Z")
You are dating, which is basically a take-it-or-leave-it scenario. Either you can live with it, or you can decide to seek greener pastures. Theres nothing wrong with deciding you are no longer feeling it. Frankly, if you have been dating for a year and a half and her going shoulder-length is enough to make you lose attraction, I honestly don’t think your relationship was meant to be. You just don’t seem to like her that much, and that’s fine. Go find someone you like. That said, if a woman getting a haircut without your permission is a dealbreaker for you, you may have trouble finding a compatible partner. Most women like to change their hairstyle now and then. ---
**Author:** ![R3d\_Anonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/aeb1de/32.png) [@R3d\_Anonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/R3d_Anonymous)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/83 "2013-05-27T03:47:56Z")
I don’t think the OP is actually making a big deal out of this. I think what happened was because it was so unexpected, it was kind of like a “shock”, kind of like when a card magician shows you a card that you did not select and asks you if it is yours, and after you telling him it is not, he puts it in a wine glass and after putting the glass containing the card behind a cloth for two seconds and then removing the cloth, the card is suddenly now your selection (I know how to do this trick by the way). There is a reason this was started in MPSIMS and not IMHO. If he was seriously upset about this and needed advice, he would have gone to IMHO. Yeah I know: says the guest who has only been here for seven and a half months (which for some reason is actually pretty noobish here). ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/84 "2013-05-27T03:58:33Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Should be? I disagree with this. People should wear their hair according to their own preferences, not their partners’. I agree. Also, people should choose their partners according to their own preferences, not the preferences of their partners. Do you agree? Because it doesn’t seem to me that the OP is saying anything more than this (a lot less, actually). ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/85 "2013-05-27T04:03:39Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > DH? Designated hitter? Sorry. It means Dear Husband. Yes, it’s very precious and I don’t like it, but I’ve been spending a fair bit of time at a board where it’s standard and it slipped out. I usually phrase it as ‘my partner’ here. Sorry, I’d go back and edit if I could, as I don’t like it either! It’s also a sign to me to reduce my time at that other place :o ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/86 "2013-05-27T04:13:19Z")
See, I’d be against this because Locks of Love is a bit of a scam. Sure, they’ll take your hair, but it almost certainly will not be of high enough quality to be used in a wig. The only way it would be is if you take the no-[sham]poo tack. Those natural oils are vital in keeping the hair good enough for a wig. Hair used in wigs usually comes from places where shampoo is not common. And, yes, if you are supposedly in a relationship, then anything that might affect the other person is something you talk about. And if you choose to disregard the other person’s preference, you tell them that you are doing this. I don’t think I’d be as upset as the OP, but it would bug me a little bit. Not enough to post a thread here, but I wouldn’t post a thread asking for advice here if I were dying. Someone would still find a way to blast me for it. ---
**Author:** ![Tioga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/54ee81/32.png) [@Tioga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tioga)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/87 "2013-05-27T04:20:10Z")
Sorry to hear that. She should have been more considerate. Don’t worry about most of the negative reaction in this thread. The autism here is palpable. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_I\_Am](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@Sam\_I\_Am](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_I_Am)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/88 "2013-05-27T04:41:21Z")
I can kind of see this from both sides. My husband doesn’t shave. I don’t generally have an opinion about him sporting a moustache & beard, except that when it gets to a certain thickness/length it actually creeps me out. It disguises his features & expressions so much that I can’t read his face, which is disturbing to me. Luckily the length bothers him before it gets to that point, and he trims it, but the few times he’s been overly busy and let it slide, I have asked him to please trim it for me. If you have a strong preference/opinion about some aspect of your partner’s grooming, I think it is reasonable to ask if they can factor it into their decision making. But it is their decision ultimately, and your opinion may not be enough to tip the scales. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/89 "2013-05-27T04:41:28Z")
> [@Tioga](#): > > The autism here is palpable. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/90 "2013-05-27T04:49:11Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > Because appearance is a pretty big deal no matter how shocked people want to act when someone actually admits it. If your partner one day is going to wake up looking like someone you would not date entirely by their choice then you have every right to be upset. Cutting off all your hair drastically alters your appearance, I have never dated a woman with short hair because i do not find it appealing at all. Let’s hope you never end up with a woman who ends up with burn scars. Or loses her hair to some disease or something. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/91 "2013-05-27T04:58:34Z")
> [@Essured](#): > > No, I get why people have opinions on how their partners look. I myself prefer my DH without a moustache, as I don’t particular like it looks-wise, plus it is sometimes irritating while kissing. My DH knows how I feel. When his upper lip is shaved, I often mention it, kiss him more, mention how much I like kissing him without a mo, etc. So I get having an opinion and expressing an opinion - that’s not what was baffling me. > > What I don’t get is the whole idea of ‘running a haircut by the partner’ prior to getting the hairstyle change. It would not enter my mind to ‘check in’ with my partner before getting a haircut. It’s just a haircut. I’m honestly not trying to be all ‘surprised that people care about physical appearances’ - that’s not it at all. It’s the ‘run it by the partner’ part that is baffling me. Does that include clothes, makeup, shoes, etc? Or just stuff that can’t be reversed immediately, like hair length, hair style, hair colour, piercings, tattoos? > > Maybe I’m misunderstanding what ‘run it by’ the partner actually entails? 😕 My wife loves my beard. I’d rather not have it, but it’s such a small inconvenience that I haven’t fully shaven it in four years. I wear it very small, but what the heck. If I shaved it, it’d grow in two weeks. If I always told my wife that I really like her waist-long hair and she cut to less-than-shoulder-length I’d be pissed. I’d have loved that she told me. Her hair would take two or three years to go back to its original length. Clothes? N. Makeup? No Shoe? Hell no, please no. Hair length? Insofar as I’ve made an issue that I really liked it, yes. No veto power, but at least a heads up. Hair colour? Unless she decided for blue (or something completely out of character), no. Piercing? Since she’s always said she’d never get them, yes. Tattos? Hell yes. “Run by” is the simple courtesy of asking someone particularly close to you, who may have an interest in your looks what they think about a desired look change. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/92 "2013-05-27T04:59:58Z")
I’m recalling this conversation from “The Honeymooners” Ralph: I’m the king and you’re nothing! Nothing, you hear me Alice? Alice: Big deal, so you’re the king of nothing. ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/93 "2013-05-27T05:05:36Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Let’s hope you never end up with a woman who ends up with burn scars. Or loses her hair to some disease or something. :dubious: I don’t quite get all the hate (not just you - everyone - I’m just quoting you). He doesn’t like short hair. Plenty of guys do not. If my girlfriend came home with short hair it would make her look totally different. In a way I do not find attractive. If she had chemo or something - that is completely different. She wasn’t going out ignoring my preferences. She is well aware of this preference and has no problem with them. We have discussed it - and we both agree. I let her decide what length beard guard to use when trimming my beard. But those two aren’t the same as I can regrow my beard in probably 6-8 weeks. I don’t think some people realize the difference long hair makes to some guys. I would rather date a woman who was average looking with long hair than looked like Angelina Jolie with short hair. Does that make me shallow? Perhaps. I can’t help what I am attracted to. Some people really don’t like tattoos either (and of course some really like them). If you had a preference for all tatted out - or no tats - and your partner either added a whole bunch - or got rid of them - that is going to be a problem for some people. My girlfriend likes my hair, but I’m sure would stand by me if I lost it to chemo (as I would for her) - doesn’t mean she likes my new look - and doesn’t make her a bad person for having that reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/94 "2013-05-27T06:04:16Z")
Your response shed quite a bit of light **Ají de Gallina** , so thanks for taking the time to respond to me! I do understand having preferences. And opinions. And I even understand the rare few who have short hair as a dealbreaker - hey, we’re all wired differently and some things are just a turn-off! And on a slight tangent: > [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > “Run by” is the simple courtesy of asking someone particularly close to you, who may have an interest in your looks what they think about a desired look change. I’m curious since I’ve never thought that something like this would be a courtesy - So, what happens after the ‘run by’? If you both agree, I see no conflict, but if you ultimately disagree (on something small and temporary like a hair style, not something big like weird hair colours or permanent like tattoos), then what? This is really interesting to me, since it would never enter my mind to ask for my partners input before going to get a haircut. I can understand the arguments that are being made if I apply them to important or big things, but my mind just keeps coming back to “But it’s just a haircut!” So maybe that’s it? For me a haircut falls right at the shoes or hat (minor style change) end of the spectrum, while it seems to falls closer to the tattoo or mohawk (major change) end for others. What that be a fair way of looking at it? ---
**Author:** ![watergallop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@watergallop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watergallop)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/95 "2013-05-27T07:35:02Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Imagine if we could approach each other with open curiosity, and love each other unconditionally, and learn see each other clearly, and accept each other without judgement. If we could seek to help others bring forth their true selves, and let them be all they can be, and have them do the same for us in return. > > Imagine no longer feeling the strain and exhaustion of trying to bend others to our will, and to be relieved of the weight of the demands of others. Imagine being a bearded guy, in a relationship with a short-haired girl, and just let things be what they are. Imagine meeting each other in pure innocence, like children, and letting the burden of falsehood and imposed dominance fall away. > > (Also, imagine if I could meet a girl who would let me wear my lederhosen without making a fuss. That would be the day.) This is really beautiful. I stopped by this thread expecting only to see people berating the OP for being shallow, with a minority defending him. What you wrote reads like a poem. ---
**Author:** ![watergallop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3bc359/32.png) [@watergallop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watergallop)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/96 "2013-05-27T07:39:34Z")
Also, my current boyfriend cut off all his wavy shaggy hair several months ago and it was really, really jarring. It felt like he was wearing a mask. He seemed like an entirely different person with an entirely different face. After a week or so I got used to it, but he still seems the most himself to me when he has shaggy wavy 70s hair. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/97 "2013-05-27T07:42:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > You are dating, which is basically a take-it-or-leave-it scenario. Either you can live with it, or you can decide to seek greener pastures. Theres nothing wrong with deciding you are no longer feeling it. Frankly, if you have been dating for a year and a half and her going shoulder-length is enough to make you lose attraction, I honestly don’t think your relationship was meant to be. You just don’t seem to like her that much, and that’s fine. Go find someone you like. > > That said, if a woman getting a haircut without your permission is a dealbreaker for you, you may have trouble finding a compatible partner. Most women like to change their hairstyle now and then. I think this says it pretty perfectly. > [@watergallop](#): > > This is really beautiful. I stopped by this thread expecting only to see people berating the OP for being shallow, with a minority defending him. What you wrote reads like a poem. It was nice, but I had to laugh a little at the thought of meeting each other like innocent children. Have you ever heard children go after a different/funny looking child? It’s not the hearts and flowers image I think was painted. It’s pretty brutal. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/98 "2013-05-27T10:39:26Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > a card magician shows you a card that you did not select and asks you if it is yours, and after you telling him it is not, he puts it in a wine glass and after putting the glass containing the card behind a cloth for two seconds and then removing the cloth, the card is suddenly now your selection (I know how to do this trick by the way). Some sorta mesmerization? ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 11:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/99 "2013-05-27T11:45:02Z")
I wonder what happened to Zosia Mamet’s character. ---
**Author:** ![Sacrilegium](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f05b48/32.png) [@Sacrilegium](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sacrilegium)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/100 "2013-05-27T12:33:26Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Imagine if we could approach each other with open curiosity, and love each other unconditionally, and learn see each other clearly, and accept each other without judgement. If we could seek to help others bring forth their true selves, and let them be all they can be, and have them do the same for us in return. > > Imagine no longer feeling the strain and exhaustion of trying to bend others to our will, and to be relieved of the weight of the demands of others. Imagine being a bearded guy, in a relationship with a short-haired girl, and just let things be what they are. Imagine meeting each other in pure innocence, like children, and letting the burden of falsehood and imposed dominance fall away. I’m sure you have no idea who I am or what I’m going through in my personal life right now, but goddamn. What you wrote is like you just ripped me out of the cosmos, looked into my life and typed this out just for me. Just specifically, exclusively, beautifully for me. Thank you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391.md?page=6)