# My gf chopped her hair off **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2013, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391 "2013-05-26T11:21:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/121 "2013-05-28T08:12:25Z")
Dude. It’s hair. It’ll come back. Chill out and grow up. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/122 "2013-05-28T08:46:28Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > OK, I’m not going to call you a scumbag because others have done the same, instead I have just a couple points to make. Which you essentially still do. Let’s back off referring to other people with these kinds of names. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/123 "2013-05-28T08:55:19Z")
> [@Shayna](#): > > Thank OG I have a wonderful husband, who fell for me with [long, red hair](http://www.city-data.com/forum/members/jill61-603505-albums-jill-s-pictures-pic36591-jill-thomas-amsterdam-weekend-we-met.jpg). Maybe I’m a superficial asshole but I would hate you for chopping such hair. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/124 "2013-05-28T14:27:38Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > So glad hubby loves my two-inch dyed-burgundy hair. And called me “babe” when it was shoulder-length and graying. And couldn’t keep his hands off me when I weighed 225 pounds. And calls me his “tomato” now that I weigh 150 and run marathons. And kept me on an even keel with his steadfastness and humor when I was freaking out about an abnormal mammogram and the ensuing minor surgery to remove the funny bits (all clear now). And likes the fact that I rarely wear makeup because “it tastes funny.” > > And has loved me inside and out for 25 years. **Thank you, dear, for being a real man.** I hate this argument. You’re not the only person making it, to be sure, but I quoted you since you are the most recent. If my husband were to gain 75 pounds, I would be less attracted to him. That doesn’t mean I would stop loving him, think him a terrible person, or leave him. But I would not be as attracted to him. That does not make me any less of a “real woman” than someone who overlooks that 75 pound weight gain. In fact, one might arugue that because I would be more likely to try to talk to him about it and try to determine what was going on emotionally to cause him to stop caring about his weight, I’m a more supportive partner. But then one would have to cede the moral high ground that comes with thinking we should never over-appreciate someone’s appearance lest we be too shallow. Bringing the “OMG if you prefer long hair you must be a beast who wouldn’t even care if your girlfriend got cancer” is pretty flawed reasoning, too. Saying, “Wow, I was bummed that she cut her hair” is not the same as saying, “Get sick and I’m outta here!” It’s just not. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/125 "2013-05-28T16:18:39Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > If my husband were to gain 75 pounds, I would be less attracted to him. That doesn’t mean I would stop loving him, think him a terrible person, or leave him. But I would not be as attracted to him. Would you think he did it on purpose to spite you, since you specifically mentioned you like trim before? Would you think this weight gain is a sign he clearly doesn’t care one iota about your feelings or you? That’s what the OP is, seemingly, doing here. It’s ok to say, “Ugh, my significant other did X superficial thing and it’s _not_ attractive.” For instance, if the OP had said, “Ugh! My girlfriend chopped off all of her hair. I’ve made no secret for my preference for long hair, but she did it anyway. It’s not even a good hair cut, either!” I don’t think he’d be getting so much crap. Suggesting there were deep, persona, and serious ulterior motives behind her haircut is the silly thing here: > [@kwc27](#): > > I will get used to it but it kinda makes me wonder. > [@kwc27](#): > > I dont expect much from her but the whole deal makes me wonder if she cares about my opinion. Not to defend the real men comment (I generally hate those comments too, for what it’s worth), but I suspect that poster meant that he’s a real man in that he’s comfortable and secure enough with himself and his relationship to understand that a haircut is just a haircut (as opposed to a good ol fashioned thumb biting or glove slapping)— not that “real men” (whatever that may be) are happy to be with uggos. ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/126 "2013-05-28T16:32:37Z")
Just to add another possibility here, a while back I discovered that a big part of how I see and recognize individual faces is based on how their hair looks. For instance, I attended all of junior high and most of high school with my (now) wife and her identical twin sister, and although I recognized them by sight from around the school, it wasn’t until I actually met them and got to know them personally that I realized they were even related, and the thought that they were identical twins never crossed my mind, because they had different hairstyles whenever I saw them. It’s probably not the case, but I wonder if the OP experiences something like this? **ETA** : although, for what it’s worth, I find pretty much any hairstyle attractive; I just don’t always recognize the same person if it changes. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/127 "2013-05-28T16:38:27Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Would you think he did it on purpose to spite you, since you specifically mentioned you like trim before? Would you think this weight gain is a sign he clearly doesn’t care one iota about your feelings or you? That’s what the OP is, seemingly, doing here. No, I wouldn’t think it was a spite thing. I feel like a lot of people kind of moved on from what the OP was on about anyhow and started bringing in things like weight and would you still love this person if they had a debilitating disease or needed chemo or whatever. Do I think the OP perhaps overreacted and made it all about him? Sure. Do I think others took it wayyyy to the other extreme? Yup. To me this thread was 20% about hair and 80% about the exclusion of the middle that the Dope is so fond of. I took the ‘real men’ and similar comments to mean that real men don’t care one bit what decisions their significant others make about their appearance and, furthermore, are therefore more supportive in health crises. It just seemed to assume a lot. I’m still giggling a little, though, about the guy who needed to hear that no, you didn’t think he should braid his beard and bead it, Jack Sparrow-style. Thoughts and prayers to him. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/128 "2013-05-28T16:52:01Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > I’m still giggling a little, though, about the guy who needed to hear that no, you didn’t think he should braid his beard and bead it, Jack Sparrow-style. Thoughts and prayers to him. 🆒 Yeah, there’s one of many reasons he’s now a long ago ex. See? I can be superficial, too. Superficial isn’t inherently bad as long as it’s tempered with more serious things-- like the fact that he was a total whiny douchecanoe with no drive in life. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/129 "2013-05-28T16:58:44Z")
I guess I see both sides. I would think that either party in a relationship would at least talk about a rather drastic change in appearance before doing it. But not because he or she needs permission. I totally get why the guys “who only like long hair thing” come off as assholes. It removes the individuality from women, among other things. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/130 "2013-05-28T19:48:03Z")
> [@Essured](#): > > Your response shed quite a bit of light **Ají de Gallina** , so thanks for taking the time to respond to me! I do understand having preferences. And opinions. And I even understand the rare few who have short hair as a dealbreaker - hey, we’re all wired differently and some things are just a turn-off! BTW my wife is stunning in short hair. I begged her for years to cut it. She had short hair for about 5 years. Now she wears it long again…she’s still jaw-droppingly gorgeous. > [@](#): > > And on a slight tangent: > > I’m curious since I’ve never thought that something like this would be a courtesy - So, what happens after the ‘run by’? If you both agree, I see no conflict, but if you ultimately disagree (on something small and temporary like a hair style, not something big like weird hair colours or permanent like tattoos), then what? > > This is really interesting to me, since it would never enter my mind to ask for my partners input before going to get a haircut. > > I can understand the arguments that are being made if I apply them to important or big things, but my mind just keeps coming back to “But it’s just a haircut!” So maybe that’s it? For me a haircut falls right at the shoes or hat (minor style change) end of the spectrum, while it seems to falls closer to the tattoo or mohawk (major change) end for others. What that be a fair way of looking at it? For a haircut, in my case something really minor, I’ll present my case and be happy that she at least listened to it, no matter the result. She, for instance, stopped dying her hair 6 months ago (whenever she asked for my opinon I’d adice for it) and now she’s grown to like her natural color again. Never sweat for minor stuff. We don’t have a “run by” list, but after 25 years we know what needs to be run-by; part of why we’re still together. The thing about a tattoo or a mohawk or blue hair is that it’d be so out of character with her that it wouldn’t be the esthetic issue but the radical change that’d worry me. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/131 "2013-05-28T21:28:12Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > By the way, I myself was engaging in the “sneak compliment.” Which I sincerely appreciate — thank you. :o > [@clairobscur](#): > > Maybe I’m a superficial asshole but I would hate you for chopping such hair. Thank you, too. 🙂 However, when it got that long it was a pain in the ass. I would constantly close the car door on it, roll it up in the window, and my husband would roll over and sleep on it, causing it to pull when _I_ tried to move. I can’t imagine ever letting it get that long again (I also used to be a Locks of Love hair donor, but I’m long past the age where my hair would be of any use to them anymore — it’s 70 percent grey under that purple), so there’s really no motivation. Plus, it’s freaking hot (as in sweaty hot). Ugh. No thanks. ---
**Author:** ![kwc27](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ccd318/32.png) [@kwc27](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kwc27)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/132 "2013-06-01T01:12:06Z")
> [@Anonymous User](#): > > I don’t think the OP is actually making a big deal out of this. I think what happened was because it was so unexpected, it was kind of like a “shock”, kind of like when a card magician shows you a card that you did not select and asks you if it is yours, and after you telling him it is not, he puts it in a wine glass and after putting the glass containing the card behind a cloth for two seconds and then removing the cloth, the card is suddenly now your selection (I know how to do this trick by the way). > > There is a reason this was started in MPSIMS and not IMHO. If he was seriously upset about this and needed advice, he would have gone to IMHO. > > Yeah I know: says the guest who has only been here for seven and a half months (which for some reason is actually pretty noobish here). Truth be told. I saw her in person and she’s still the same sweetheart I remember her as. She mentioned how worried she would be that I would freak out at the sight of her (lack of) hair. I didn’t think it was too bad. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/133 "2013-06-01T14:23:29Z")
> [@kwc27](#): > > Truth be told. I saw her in person and she’s still the same sweetheart I remember her as. She mentioned how worried she would be that I would freak out at the sight of her (lack of) hair. I didn’t think it was too bad. Does that mean that all of your angst in the OP was merely at the idea that she had done something that you didn’t want her to? Glad to hear it wasn’t a deal breaker, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2013, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391/134 "2013-06-01T17:11:09Z")
Enh, big changes are shocking, and I don’t think venting is a crime. Changes always happen in any kind of relationship lasting longer than a month, and its a chance to see how the couple reacts and deals with such changes. Some are deal breakers, and others just require time to adjust and adapt. That’s normal, and its good to find out what’s important and what’s not; it’s all a learning process. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-gf-chopped-her-hair-off/659391.md?page=6)