# My girlfriend is spending a lot of time with her new guy friend. Help me out here. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 27, 2013, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366 "2013-10-27T10:58:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/21 "2013-10-27T14:12:37Z")
> [@rahul23021991](#): > > HI look a lot better than him(infact girls in my office drool over me.). You work in a rehab, right?😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jayrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayrey)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/22 "2013-10-27T17:55:39Z")
> [@rahul23021991](#): > > Guys thank you all for your replies. > > I just do not understand why things changed suddenly. She loved me a lot before she left for the USA. We used to have a great tym too. Everything changes so suddenly. I’m sorry for your pain, **Rahul**. I suspect that everything changed so suddenly because your girlfriend really didn’t know what to expect or how she’d feel in the US. I do not mean to be harsh, but I don’t think you are being paranoid. It sounds to me like she’s moved on and just doesn’t know quite how to tell you. She may also be a little afraid that the relationship with the new guy might not work out, so she’s still hanging on to you. You may be better looking and better educated, but the simple fact is, you are in India and the new guy is right here next to her. And, he’s new and different and, because of that, exciting. You have received some very good advice here from **elbows**. I strongly recommend that you consider it. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/23 "2013-10-27T18:10:56Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Your relationship is over, move on. +1 ---
**Author:** ![stoplight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@stoplight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stoplight)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/24 "2013-10-27T18:37:15Z")
> [@rahul23021991](#): > > Extra information- I am a lot better than him. I look a lot better than him(infact girls in my office drool over me.). Plus I have studied in the best engineering college in India and I am sure I will going to Harvard in a couple of years for MBA. In total, I am better than him in every way. > > Guys please help me out here. Why is doing this? Am i just getting paranoid? Please help me out. I love her a lot. I think you tipped your hand with some serious weirdness with the " I am a lot better then him…yada yada"… those comments would have me not answering the phone either… more weirdness… you expect us to know WTF is happening? we don’t, she does, ask her and let your gut be your guide. ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Martyr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ce7236/32.png) [@Accidental\_Martyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Martyr)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/25 "2013-10-27T18:57:33Z")
> [@AnaMen](#): > > Your relationship is over, move on. Yep. I could share the story of what happened when my GF moved from the US to Scotland for grad school but I’m sure you can figure it out. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/26 "2013-10-27T19:27:31Z")
> [@rahul23021991](#): > > Extra information- I am a lot better than him. I look a lot better than him(infact girls in my office drool over me.). Plus I have studied in the best engineering college in India and I am sure I will going to Harvard in a couple of years for MBA. In total, I am better than him in every way. Then why is he the one with your girlfriend while you’re asking a bunch of anonymous people on a message board why she won’t call? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/27 "2013-10-27T20:00:19Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Then why is he the one with your girlfriend while you’re asking a bunch of anonymous people on a message board why she won’t call? Oh yeah? If you know so much about women, how come you’re here at like the Gas ‘n’ Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere? ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Martyr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ce7236/32.png) [@Accidental\_Martyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Martyr)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/28 "2013-10-27T20:03:47Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Oh yeah? If you know so much about women, how come you’re here at like the Gas ‘n’ Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere? By choice, man! ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/29 "2013-10-27T21:11:25Z")
> [@rahul23021991](#): > > Extra information- I am a lot better than him. I look a lot better than him(infact girls in my office drool over me.). Plus I have studied in the best engineering college in India and I am sure I will going to Harvard in a couple of years for MBA. In total, I am better than him in every way. Thinking that you are “better” than him is kind of weird. “Better” is relative to the person making the judgement, only she can say whether you are “better” for her or not. And MBA’s and going to Harvard have nothing to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/30 "2013-10-27T21:16:55Z")
It’s also possible that she hasn’t given you all the details about him. He might have an education that’s as good as yours, etc., but she doesn’t want you to know because she thinks that would make you more jealous. By the way, if things don’t work out between the two of you, it’s better to know now than later, no matter how much it hurts. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/31 "2013-10-27T21:54:46Z")
Your girlfriend would be excited to share her new experiences w/ you and miss you being there. I’m sorry to reiterate as others have said; you’re dumped and it’s time to start sorting through the pain in order to move on sooner than later. There’s not an explanation in the world that you’ll find satisfying, but I’ll tell you straight away the single biggest reason is that you are thousands of miles apart, physically and romantically. Good luck to you. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/32 "2013-10-27T22:08:47Z")
I’m sure if I were a friend of yours, I’d be waffling about this out of hope for you. But since I don’t know you or her, I can say straight out that it looks like you’re on the road to being dumped. Maybe she’s not sure about it yet, and that’s why she’s stringing you along, but unless something changes drastically, it doesn’t look good. I’d suggest you start thinking about how you’re going to move on yourself. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/33 "2013-10-27T22:18:17Z")
You mention that she is studying in the US at the moment: is she going to be returning to India upon completion or is she intending to apply for permanent residency (or whatever it’s called over there)? If it’s the former, then all is not _necessarily_ lost for your relationship. She may be just sowing some ‘wild oats’ as the saying goes, enjoying the relative freedom to hang out with whomever she wants, date guys without disapproving families watching over her shoulder, and generally having the time of her life **KNOWING THAT THIS EXPERIENCE WILL BE SHORTLIVED** and she will be returning to India to marry you and live your lives together. If she’s not intending to return in the shorter term, your relationship is over. You’re dumped man, and no matter how handsome, smart and a good catch you are, she’s got her eye on someone else now. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/34 "2013-10-27T22:22:58Z")
> [@Accidental\_Martyr](#): > > By choice, man! The world is full of guys. Be a man. Don’t be a guy. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2013, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/35 "2013-10-27T22:52:12Z")
Be sure to be extremely paranoid/jealous of the guy and controlling of the GF. That’s a sure ticket to fixing the problem! Or so movies and TV have taught me. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/36 "2013-10-28T18:11:20Z")
What you have to do is fly to the USA and secretly check up on her using hidden cameras installed in her home and surveillance with binoculars and telephoto lens. As for the other guy, dig up anything you can about him that’s unflattering such as newspaper clippings of when he was in an accident, or a NAMBLA brochure with his address on it. Leave these things on her doorstep and hide in the bushes to see her reaction when she picks them up. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/37 "2013-10-28T18:18:53Z")
Don’t forget to come back with more details about how much better you are than him, and about how going to Harvard someday definitely proves how much better you are than him or others. Also, regale us with tales of your male beauty. We love that here. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/38 "2013-10-28T19:00:35Z")
Been there. Done that. I had to move about 1,000 miles from my girlfriend for a couple of years. She had this new guy friend. Just platonic. And so on… If you want to extract a little revenge, act like everything is just fine. Make her do the breaking up. Some people have a lot of problems doing that. If I, and others, are wrong, when she comes back to you, all will be fine. You have to decide if you want to start looking for a new girl while this is all going on. ---
**Author:** ![cmosdes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@cmosdes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmosdes)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/39 "2013-10-28T19:37:20Z")
When I was in college I had a friend who was never fazed by the fact a girl he was interested in had a boyfriend back home. He would always say, “No guy has a dick long enough to reach from there to here.” You’re there. She is here (wherever here is). Her new friend is here. No matter how much better looking you are, richer, smarter, charismatic, etc., he is here. Move on. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2013, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366/40 "2013-10-28T19:39:57Z")
> [@JerrySTL](#): > > If you want to extract a little revenge, act like everything is just fine. Just wait till she tells “other guy” he needs to fly to India to get married and to make sure they get a nice big house because mom and dad will be moving in with them to help with the kids. \ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-is-spending-a-lot-of-time-with-her-new-guy-friend-help-me-out-here/672366.md?page=3)