# My girlfriend of 7.5 months left me, and I need sympathy and opinions on how best to get an ex back **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 27, 2015, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350 "2015-07-27T19:57:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/41 "2015-07-28T20:24:19Z")
When Jesus is her copilot, there’s no more room in the cockpit. ☹ It happened to me too… Met this girl when I was working in Oshawa, she was cute, funny, and we seemed to get along well, but when she found out that I was a non-believer, poof. All interest, even feigned, was gone. Not long afterwards, I moved to another city. ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/42 "2015-07-28T20:48:30Z")
> [@Jophiel](#): > > Nah on the conversion front. In my experience, the way that operates is “Well, we don’t think you two should be dating right now since you’re both in a fresh relationship with God and you’ll fall back into your old familiar habits as a couple.” > > Then they’ll try to introduce her to guys who are “stronger” in the faith who would be a better spiritual role model. > > Edit: That’s setting aside anything else regarding the choice to convert to a religion on the basis of your girlfriend leaving you. Yeah, I wasn’t throwing out conversion as a first choice. Or even a good one, given that the OP clearly has his own opinions. Still, it’s a better option than stalking her in the hopes that she’ll come back. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/43 "2015-07-28T20:55:24Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Move on. > > You won’t listen. > > But it’s the best advice you’re going to get. Sheesh, so pessimistic! **Justin Credible** , the no contact rule is absolute gold for two reasons. 1. it gives you time to scab over, heal, and be available when a real woman comes along for you, and 2) it keeps you from being the pushover fall back guy. Trust me, you need to be Justin Credible, not “Justin Credible’s ex girlfriend’s fall back guy while she decides whether or not to get deeper into a church, or some other guy who may or may not work out but she has the confidence to try because being alone is never a risk as long as Justin Credible’s got that candle burning in the window for her while he pines away for her dubious but not entirely impossible return.” She ended it, walk away. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2015, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/44 "2015-07-28T21:44:45Z")
Anyone who chooses love with an invisible fictitious character over a REAL person is not worth your time, Justin. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/45 "2015-07-29T00:01:41Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > **Xenos is a cult** , and everyone responding to this thread needs to understand that. This isn’t about religion suddenly becoming important for her, this is about her cult members discouraging her from hanging out with anyone who isn’t also a member. > > Admittedly, everything I know about Xenos comes from the [Columbus subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Columbus/search?q=xenos&restrict_sr=on), but there seems to be a consistent pattern of isolation and complete lack of privacy (aka the thought police). That might be true, but it doesn’t change the OP’s situation. Rather the contrary. He’s even less likely to get her back if it’s such a cult. ---
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/46 "2015-07-29T01:50:47Z")
Two pieces of advice I got years ago, not always followed, but sometimes worked: “Unrequited anything is a pain in the ass.” “You can talk yourself into and out of anything, including love.” Good luck, we’re pulling for you. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/47 "2015-07-29T03:17:08Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > **Xenos is a cult** , and everyone responding to this thread needs to understand that. This isn’t about religion suddenly becoming important for her, this is about her cult members discouraging her from hanging out with anyone who isn’t also a member. > > Admittedly, everything I know about Xenos comes from the [Columbus subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/Columbus/search?q=xenos&restrict_sr=on), but there seems to be a consistent pattern of isolation and complete lack of privacy (aka the thought police). Shit, man…I just read all those threads. The stuff they describe on there explains so much of her recent behavior. I’ve always felt the place sounded weird based on her descriptions, and I never got around to going to any meetings with her. But yeah, I can imagine this is what’s behind her recent 180 in attitude. Damn. Now I’m worried about her. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if some of the other cult members have convinced her to break up with me. Ugh. And I just remembered she’s going on a weeklong church retreat to some lake in Tennessee next week. Fuck. I wonder if another member will drown during a baptismal, which has apparently already happened twice on retreats like this. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2015, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/48 "2015-07-29T17:05:26Z")
> [@actualliberalnotoneofthose](#): > > To get someone back, you have to let them go. It may seem odd, but that’s how it goes… This is it in a nutshell. Show how much you love her by giving _her_ happiness priority over your own. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2015, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/49 "2015-07-31T17:01:13Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > Sheesh, so pessimistic! > > **Justin Credible** , the no contact rule is absolute gold for two reasons. > > 1. it gives you time to scab over, heal, and be available when a real woman comes along for you, and 2) it keeps you from being the pushover fall back guy. Trust me, you need to be Justin Credible, not “Justin Credible’s ex girlfriend’s fall back guy while she decides whether or not to get deeper into a church, or some other guy who may or may not work out but she has the confidence to try because being alone is never a risk as long as Justin Credible’s got that candle burning in the window for her while he pines away for her dubious but not entirely impossible return.” > > She ended it, walk away. Thanks. Intellectually I know you’re right, but it’s just so hard when this all happened so suddenly to what was a fantastic relationship. Today has been especially hard. I think I’ve been retaining some hope of her changing her mind and undoing this, but now I’m starting to realize there is no hope. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2015, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/50 "2015-08-01T14:33:58Z")
Hang in there, buddy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2015, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/51 "2015-08-01T14:51:50Z")
Getting your heart broken sucks. The best thing to do is to write it off. Move on. Live your life as if she’s never coming back, because 99 percent of the time, they don’t come back. Build a new life for yourself in every aspect especially emotionally. On the off chance she does try to come back someday, it’s best for you to have your life together emotionally and otherwise so you can decide from a secure position whether you really want her back. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2015, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/52 "2015-08-01T21:01:01Z")
^ Thank you. I know you’re right, and I hope I can get to that point. Right now I feel like the world is closing in around me and I’m suffocating. The nights are especially hard. I know the chances of her coming back are microscopic, but I’ll still keep hoping for a while for a perfect storm of events to take place which will make it happen. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/53 "2015-08-01T21:52:15Z")
> [@Cartoonacy](#): > > According to [this](http://articles.philly.com/2000-07-11/living/25609152_1_mensans-dots-mensa-convention): > > BTW, I’ve heard Ruemmler’s presentation. He’s pretty funny, but also pretty convincing. Can you tell me where to find his presentation? I searched for it but only found some site that wanted me to subscribe to read it. ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2015, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/54 "2015-08-01T23:07:23Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > This is it in a nutshell. Show how much you love her by giving _her_ happiness priority over your own. +1. There are three billion other women out there. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2015, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/55 "2015-08-01T23:22:28Z")
She left you so fuck her. The world is full of chicks. Forget her and go for the next one. ---
**Author:** ![MmeRose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee7513/32.png) [@MmeRose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MmeRose)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2015, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/56 "2015-08-02T00:56:31Z")
Good luck, you deserve better. By the way, converting to any religion (even a legit one) in the hopes of getting a lover back would never work. Anyone with two brains to rub together would see that it is false. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2015, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/57 "2015-08-02T01:43:30Z")
> [@Justin\_Credible](#): > > My GF of 7.5 months left me a couple days ago. We were pretty serious too, and the breakup came as a real shock to me. I kinda thought this was going to be a permanent thing, especially based on some of the things she’d said to me over the course of the relationship. All I really got from her during the breakup discussion was a bunch of vague, cliched horseshit. Stuff like how she loves me and cares about me but isn’t in love with me (which is pretty much a 180 from how the first ~6 months of the relationship went, where she was always super into me), and how she’s never been alone and is afraid that the only reason she’s in a relationship is because she’s scared to be alone, and how she needs to work on herself and stuff. > > And she’s also gotten more and more into religious stuff lately, and has really gone overboard with her church and bible study bs. That’s been a bit of a divisive issue as well, but I’ve always supported her in that and in everything else. But she says her relationship with the Lord is the most important thing to her now and how she doesn’t have time to dedicate to a relationship (with me). She’s more religious than I am, but we’ve both always known that. So this really came out of the blue since the whole 7.5 months we’ve been together has been a beautiful, loving relationship. I don’t know. I guess I’m still in shock sort of. > > I really want to undo this and get back together. I’ve always read about the no contact rule and how it’s the best way to get an ex back, but is that really true? > If not what is the best way? I don’t know how long to wait to text/call/email her or even if I should do one of those things. I know every case is different, but I still would like opinions on how to proceed here. > Thanks. My advice FWIW: Forget about it. 7.5 months is the blink of an eye, and a year or two from now you’ll barely remember her. If she’s gone all super religious, then even if she did come back, it would be nothing but problems. You seem very young. Trust me when I say this is not someone who will be good for you and that getting out of the relationship in so few months is a lucky break. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2015, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/58 "2015-08-02T06:20:17Z")
Justin, again, I’m sorry for the breakup, but the more I look into this, Xenos is a much a cult as any religion (large or small) is. Hipsters with religion?? HIPSTERS?? If the skinny jeans don’t fit and you hate pitchfork, I guess your an outcast. I suppose they drink decaf with organic tofu cream in it?? Some of the essays I’m reading state they are using “sect” to get away from the commonly thought cult status of smaller religions. Guess they don’t know the meaning of sect. I will admit that their bogus essays are better written than any Jeebus loving southerner, because they use commas, but that’s about it. Honestly, Justin, I’m very sorry, but exactly what would you expect from someone as gullible as this to be in a stable relationship? I’d love to hear their views on vaccines-- no, never mind. Does anyone remember the Moonies? Same damn thing, same control of “sheep” by some idiot labeled as a free-thinker, except THIS time, the Grand Xenos Vizier listens to Weezer and hates paying for Internet service. An ugly guy who damaged his dick through masterbation and wants payback because insurance is how the government rules you!.. or something. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2015, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/59 "2015-08-02T10:50:03Z")
> [@Locrian](#): > > Justin, again, I’m sorry for the breakup, but the more I look into this, Xenos is a much a cult as any religion (large or small) is. Hipsters with religion?? HIPSTERS?? If the skinny jeans don’t fit and you hate pitchfork, I guess your an outcast. I suppose they drink decaf with organic tofu cream in it?? > > Some of the essays I’m reading state they are using “sect” to get away from the commonly thought cult status of smaller religions. Guess they don’t know the meaning of sect. I will admit that their bogus essays are better written than any Jeebus loving southerner, because they use commas, but that’s about it. > > Honestly, Justin, I’m very sorry, but exactly what would you expect from someone as gullible as this to be in a stable relationship? I’d love to hear their views on vaccines-- no, never mind. > > Does anyone remember the Moonies? Same damn thing, same control of “sheep” by some idiot labeled as a free-thinker, except THIS time, the Grand Xenos Vizier listens to Weezer and hates paying for Internet service. An ugly guy who damaged his dick through masterbation and wants payback because insurance is how the government rules you!.. or something. Yeah, it really does seem pretty weird. I hope she is able to get out of there and find a mainstream church. Sam, I’m 34. She’s 30. I’ve only really had three other relationships, although one of them was for almost a decade and a half. Rose, it wouldn’t be converting so much as getting back into something that for the most part I haven’t been interested in for a while. I wouldn’t mind going somewhere now and then if I found a church I actually liked. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2015, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350/60 "2015-08-02T14:44:54Z")
The OP could be in for an unpleasant surprise in another 1.5 months. [Official thread song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9Xrs2-GHyI). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-girlfriend-of-7-5-months-left-me-and-i-need-sympathy-and-opinions-on-how-best-to-get-an-ex-back/726350.md?page=4)