My glasses make me look positively goofy!

The ghosting could be reflections (do you have an antireflective coating?) from lights around you. That took some time for me to get used to as a glasses wearer. The AR coating can be had for around $40. I find it makes the glasses smear more easily, but I get around that by never ever ever touching my lenses. Ever. I like the lack of reflections. (If you don’t have this coating, it’s not too late)

The other culprit may be the abbevalue of your lens material. I had cheap polycarbonate lenses once that made all black print on white pages have non-charming blue and yellow fringes around them. It made things hard to read.
The high index lenses I have now do have a little distortion, but I only notice it in the reflection of car headlights in the rearview mirror.

The distortion may be a lens defect, but it could just be glasses in general. No eyeglass lens, no matter how perfect, is going to 100% mimic 20/20 vision without lenses.

I envision your sister as a twin-pop.