# My grandmother is dying of cancer. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 10, 2004, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455 "2004-10-10T07:25:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/21 "2004-10-10T15:02:53Z")
**Airman** , I’m so sorry. But you’re wrong-you’re not a waste. I’m sure your grandmother is very proud of you. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/22 "2004-10-10T15:10:15Z")
Dave, we’re really sorry to hear that. Cancer is a big bad entity, prevalent in our (mine and my husband’s) families, and we know how much it shocks and hurts when it comes. Be well. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/23 "2004-10-10T15:25:08Z")
I felt the same things when I lost my dad to chronic heart disease and my mom to cancer. I felt I should have known what to say, known what to do. I questioned. I raged. I cried. I tried to “bargain with God”. You are **not** any coward, or waste. There is no failure on your part. We all end up going on, because that is the only choice. There is no Plan or Purpose behind it. The hurt won’t go away, but it will dull after a while. Keep going. Try to lock your mind on the good times. That’s all any of us can do. ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/24 "2004-10-10T16:47:06Z")
Condolences, **Airman**. I think you’re showing a great deal of courage and honor. Take care, and hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![gum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bbe5ce/32.png) [@gum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gum)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/25 "2004-10-10T17:24:31Z")
I am so sorry for you, your grandmother, and your family, **Airman Doors, USAF**. I wish you strenght. ---
**Author:** ![lel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8797f3/32.png) [@lel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lel)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/26 "2004-10-10T18:47:21Z")
I don’t know what to send but my condolences, **Airman**. Sometimes you can’t help the ones nearby, but you’ve spent a life helping to do what you can do, and there’s not much more to do at this point. Cherish the last times you have with her. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/27 "2004-10-10T19:46:08Z")
I just talked to Dave’s mother. Carmen Butler, his grandmother, just passed away a few minutes ago. I haven’t told him yet, because he’s at work. Arrangements are still pending. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/28 "2004-10-10T19:48:49Z")
My sympathies. ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/29 "2004-10-10T19:53:19Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > I just talked to Dave’s mother. > > Carmen Butler, his grandmother, just passed away a few minutes ago. I haven’t told him yet, because he’s at work. Arrangements are still pending. > > Robin Gosh, not to be mean to you or anything, but don’t you think you should have told **Airman** BEFORE posting this??? :eek: I think he deserves to know before anyone else. I’m very very sorry for yours and Airman’s loss. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/30 "2004-10-10T19:56:24Z")
I think, once Aaron wakes up from his nap, that we’ll go over to the restaurant and let him know. I just don’t want to tell him over the phone. Robin ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/31 "2004-10-10T20:07:00Z")
I’m sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/32 "2004-10-10T20:13:02Z")
My thoughts are with you Dave. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/33 "2004-10-10T20:14:40Z")
I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/34 "2004-10-10T20:21:33Z")
Oh no. This is so sad. My prayers are with you and your family, **Airman**. ---
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/35 "2004-10-10T20:42:46Z")
Keith and I send our sympathies to both of you. We are very sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/36 "2004-10-10T20:46:49Z")
My sincerest condolences. E-mail me if you need to and know that my thoughts are with both of you. CJ ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/37 "2004-10-10T21:21:53Z")
My condolences to all of you, Robin, Dave and Aaron. Take care of yourselves as well as you can. My thoughts will be with you. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/38 "2004-10-10T22:22:01Z")
Look, **Airman** , I have a lot of nurses in the family, but I could never ever be a nurse myself. I too don’t like the sight of blood and guts. So it’s best I _don’t_ try to be one. Same for you and being a doctor, if something about it affects you so much, it’s not your fault. But hospitals need more than nurses or doctors. There’s all kind of tech support that doesn’t deal directly with the oogy stuff, what about that? Accountants, computer specialist, janitors, volunteers at the information desk even. Doctors get all the credit, but they couldn’t do their job without a lot of help. As for the God question, well, I am a believer. Sometimes I wonder why her permits the bad things. The best I have been able to come up with is that maybe God, in the case of sickness, is trying to stimulate someone into getting so pissed off about the whole thing that they WILL go out and by damn make a cure. Or if they can’t themselves, then help someone else to do it. God isn’t going to step in with a magic wand( although sometimes I wish God would) to make a “miracle” . But maybe the miracle is God working through all the people that have developed a new treatment. My father is alive and well after a heart attack and double bypass surgery. His father, my grandfather, died of his heart attack, when my dad was seven. Lots of others died too, so maybe the experience was so painful that doctors and researcher were stimulated into learning what to do to stop it happening in the future. That first guy who had an artificial heart, up in Utah I think. He had to know things were not good, and even if he’d lived longer than a hundred days, he would still have been attached to the machine. But he helped. He more or less gave his life, and the doctors learned a lot. Mostly what not to do of course, but that’s needed too. Whew, I kind of wrote the above paragraph in a stream of consciouness sort of way. Maybe it doesn’t all make sense, and some of it may be crap. But I think my point is that I do believe that there is a purpose even if we don’t always know it. My mother said "When I finally meet God I’m going to have a\* lot\* of questions!"She was a nurse and worked with the retarded for much of her career. I am so sorry for you and your family. As you can tell from this thread, you can lean on your fellow Dopers, vent, cry, rage, whatever. Use us if you need us. I will pray for your family and your grandmother. Keep us informed if you want, and take care. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2004, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/39 "2004-10-10T23:47:01Z")
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Dave. Mourn her passing, but don’t forget to celebrate her life. ---
**Author:** ![Oat1957](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Oat1957](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oat1957)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2004, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455/40 "2004-10-11T00:24:48Z")
I’m sorry. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-grandmother-is-dying-of-cancer/268455.md?page=3)