# my guidelines for the perfect man **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 25, 2003, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920 "2003-07-25T17:11:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/21 "2003-07-25T18:41:32Z")
Oh and don’t look for the perfect man. If he does exist, he’s only looking for the perfect woman. My list had about 10 items, the one item I remember is that Mr Right had to have a pulse. 😃 If you were perfect, there wouldn’t be a list. Or at least, it wouldn’t be so long or superficial. 😉 But, hey - It’s good to have a goal! ---
**Author:** ![ace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f05b48/32.png) [@ace22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ace22)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/22 "2003-07-25T18:43:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scarlett67 \* > **Must have a full head of hair. Length doesn’t matter, but it must be lush so I can run my fingers through it > Superficial. There are a lot of wonderful men out there with less-than-lush hair, and balding is a natural process. Don’t penalize them for it!** There’s nothing wrong with having a few superficial expectations for your _ideal_ mate. **Merla** _did_ specify that the guy doesn’t have to meet _all_ the points, just as many as possible. I’ve got a similar requirement where weight is concerned. Nothin’ wrong with it. ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/23 "2003-07-25T18:44:27Z")
I was doing sooooo well until I hit this: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Merla \* > (Oh, like you didn’t know!)_\* > Know how to spell correctly- and know how to take corrections when you are wrong\*\* But with the wonders of SpellCheck, maybe we could hit an agreement. Then my hopes were dashed by: > [@](#): > > \*Later in the post by Merla \* > **Prefer cats to dogs** I mean really? Prefer cats to dogs? What madness is that? Cats are just a sandwich where a good sized dog is a meal for a week. We have to keep our priorities straight here folks. ---
**Author:** ![Contrary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/db5fbb/32.png) [@Contrary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrary)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/24 "2003-07-25T18:46:17Z")
When I saw that Rue DeDay had posted, I got a little shiver. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/25 "2003-07-25T18:46:18Z")
> [@](#): > > Be sensitive- but not TOO sensitive. I want a man who understands my needs, but is macho in emergencies > Don’t be a wimp. Know how to take charge > [@](#): > > NEVER compare me to another woman. Especially movie stars > Understand my undying love for Pierce Brosnan, as strange as that is These seem contradictory. I hear the first one all the time but can never wrap my head around it. If I ever met a girl with a list I would **run**. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/26 "2003-07-25T18:55:50Z")
Wow, **Guin** , Mary still hasn’t found someone after all these years. What a surprise. Her website’s looking nice, though. ---
**Author:** ![Pablito](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ed655f/32.png) [@Pablito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pablito)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/27 "2003-07-25T19:00:04Z")
Hey, Merla, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have a list. After all, people who have thought ahead of time about their likes and dislikes and who actually have likes and dislikes are more likely to make good dating and life decisions. Some people (myself included) find it helpful to make a list of ‘pros and cons’ when trying to make a decision, and I don’t see that this is much different from that. Of course, as others have pointed out, you’ll need to keep clear in your mind that this is a ‘perfect man’ list, and you probably shouldn’t expect to find someone who matches every item. And by the way, I was feeling pretty self-congratulatory, saying ‘yes’ to every item in the top list except for “loving watermelon”, until I read later that you’re 18, so that definitively eliminates me from the competition. And my hunch is that the pool of men who meet these criteria will expand dramatically as you get a little older, because most of us guys manage to eliminate many of those pet peeves you’ve listed simply with a few more years’ time. Happy hunting. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/28 "2003-07-25T19:02:26Z")
Merla, here’s one thing that you should understand: Even if you’re fortunate enough to find a man who fits all of your requirements, he won’t fit them forever. When I say forever, I don’t mean 20 years later, I mean like the next month. People always change, and the man may discover one day that he actually LIKES spitting. ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/29 "2003-07-25T19:06:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* I’m tired of men who are 20 years older than me hitting on me (this has indeed happened)\*\* Since I’m 38, and many of my male friends are that age or older, and since there seems to be a distinct lack of single women in their late 20s-30s around here, expect this to be the norm, not the exception. > [@](#): > > \*\* > Know how to spell correctly- and know how to take corrections when you are wrong > Never confuse “your” and “you’re” > \*\* Wouldn’t #2 fall under #1 in a usage kind of way (and what about confusing its/it’s or their/there - that’s OK then?) > [@](#): > > \*\* > Have a sense of humor- but not crude humor. In fact, don’t even find crude humor funny > \*\* TNN/Spike’s latest ‘Ren & Stimpy’s Adult Party’ has taken care of that for me… > [@](#): > > \*\* > Never use words like “dick” or “pussy” in my presence. They are rude and gross. Call things what they are, but only if you MUST talk about them > \*\* So, what would your euphanistic preferences be? > [@](#): > > \*\* > Know the power of a wink- and use them > \*\* What is the power of a wink anyway - the few times I did wink the results were mighty underwhelming… ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/30 "2003-07-25T19:14:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Contrary \* > **…I got a little shiver.** I understand completely **Contrary**. Sometimes I get a shiver too. Then I zip up and wash my hands. ---
**Author:** ![Isabelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b5a626/32.png) [@Isabelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isabelle)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/31 "2003-07-25T19:18:12Z")
The “perfect” man is a “Gingerbread Man” just waiting for me to eat him. \ ---
**Author:** ![pestie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e5b9ba/32.png) [@pestie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pestie)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/32 "2003-07-25T19:25:59Z")
I’ve got most of these covered, actually. Problems: **Be within 3 years of my age.** - I’m 31. Dammit. **Swear only sparingly** - Heh… I’d have to work at that. But I could do it! **Have a sense of humor- but not crude humor. In fact, don’t even find crude humor funny** - Sorry, no. Beavis & Butt-head is the greatest cartoon ever. **Dress wisely- every girl’s crazy about a sharp dressed man** - My T-shirts and jeans are always clean. Does that count? **Never use words like “dick” or “pussy” in my presence. They are rude and gross. Call things what they are, but only if you MUST talk about them** - See “crude humor,” above. **Don’t watch porn in my presence** - But it’s _so_ much more fun with a friend! **Don’t tell me one of your main interests is porn** - OK, I won’t tell you. **Must be in good shape. Enjoy going rock climbing and white water rafting with me** - Ahh. Well, I’m going to the gym and getting in shape, I’m just not quite there yet. Extra credit: **Know how to ride a horse. It’s romantic- especially the idea of a rescue on horseback** - I can learn! **Be an excellent cook- every man can stand to take a page out of Remington Steele’s book.** - Again, I can learn! **Play a musical instrument- preferably not something weird like the digiridoo or the kazoo** - I play guitar, but I once built an electric pickup for a kazoo and a digiridoo out of ABS pipe. I hope that doesn’t rule me out. I mean, it’s not like I did those on the same day or anything… **Have a wonderful voice- something I can bask in. Be able to make it both soothing and arousing** - I have very versatile vocal chords. I’ll see what I can do. I think I did pretty well. Yet I _still_ have no replies to my Yahoo Personals ad, nor my post in the infamous Doper Dating Thread. Oh, woe is me… ---
**Author:** ![Merla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Merla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merla)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/33 "2003-07-25T19:26:46Z")
You must remember, that I consider this list little more than a healthy fantasy. And, some of those things you people are mentioning as absurd, like riding a horse, are under the exrteme fantasy seciton. Merla ---
**Author:** ![Merla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Merla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merla)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/34 "2003-07-25T19:28:26Z")
Never type when on the phone- I just broke my own spelling rule. “extreme” “section” Merla ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/35 "2003-07-25T19:37:03Z")
You’re spelling sucks. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/36 "2003-07-25T19:44:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*I’m afeared many men will simply give up and go beat off somewhere around requirements #157. \*\* I made it to 10. ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/37 "2003-07-25T19:47:46Z")
Sorry, Merla, I’m not real big on rollercoasters. Guess I’m a bit of a pussy. Damn, and I was so freaking close! I’m so upset I could spit, but then you told me not to, so I guess I better hadn’t, considering you’re rules and all. Hope this doesn’t make me come off like a fag or a chick! ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/38 "2003-07-25T19:54:21Z")
Wow. That list is like, me. Except for one: > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Merla_\*\* > Enjoy just being with me.\*\* My god, if my wife had a little (or, rather, big) list that she was constantly comparing me to, we’d have lasted about half an hour. ---
**Author:** ![Dumbguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dumbguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dumbguy)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/39 "2003-07-25T20:13:23Z")
What’s with the inconsistent rules for making bodily sounds? [ul] Farts are crass and always unacceptable. Burps are tolerable but must be apologized for. Coughing is generally ignored. Sneezing requires the listener to wish the sneezer well. [/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920/40 "2003-07-25T20:19:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Merla \* > \*\*You must remember, that I consider this list little more than a healthy fantasy. > And, some of those things you people are mentioning as absurd, like riding a horse, are under the exrteme fantasy seciton. > > Merla \*\* I’m afraid I’d have to quibble with the “healthy” characterization. I don’t think it is very healthy to have these kinds of lists. Live your life. Love your loved ones. Strive to be the best person YOU can be. Self improvement is the important thing. Don’t try to change others, it doesn’t work. Enjoy, Steven [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-guidelines-for-the-perfect-man/190920.md?page=3)