# My Heart Attack (it wasn't) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 2, 2004, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190 "2004-01-02T00:19:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/61 "2004-01-02T04:44:43Z")
Also, since you used Buttfucker as an insult word, do you feel that those who fuck butts are worthy of derision? Sure seems so. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/62 "2004-01-02T04:49:09Z")
Kurdt, stop stinking up this fine fopourri party. Scylla: > [@](#): > > “…and as I took her deep into my arms and gazed into those soulful eyes, suddenly I felt the cold steel of the gun press into my back. “Freeze or your dead,” my unknown assailant said. Spinning, I struck the gun just as a shot rang out and my true live screamed in pain. And then, I saw to my horror that the worst was right in front of me…” > > I’ll wait for ten minutes, and then post something about enlarging your penis, buying Viagra on line, or finding old college friends. You just got root beer out of my nose. And onto my lucky jeans! ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/63 "2004-01-02T04:52:46Z")
Gadfly: Fine, ya lousy bums. I don’t need your stinkin’ fopourri party when I got my good girl Tequila by my side! ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/64 "2004-01-02T04:54:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gadfly \* > \*\*You just got root beer out of my nose. And onto my lucky jeans! \*\* “Did Scylla’s story make you shoot root beer out of your nose and onto your lucky jeans? Try new Root Beer-B-Gon, from GMRyuCorp! As seen in THESE stories!” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/65 "2004-01-02T05:00:39Z")
Thanks for the suspenseful and strangely heartening story, **Scylla**. Thanks also for making me look up “_detente_”-- I’m always grateful when folks fill in the gaps in my vocabulary, and that is _such_ a useful word, thjese days. Love ya, love your wife, love your naughty-bits-poking professional friends, and I’ve had just enough wine left over from bottles opened last night that I don’t mind telling you. Do take care of yourselves, eh what? You make me grin on a day-to-day basis, and we simply can’t have you or any of yours keeling over in people’s bathrooms. It’s just not on. ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/66 "2004-01-02T05:00:55Z")
GMRyujin, that was awful. Just telling you, so you can improve. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/67 "2004-01-02T05:40:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kurdt Kobain \* > \*\*Are you really that clueless or is that another one of your shitty jokes? \*\* Better to make shitty jokes than be one. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/68 "2004-01-02T06:07:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kurdt Kobain \* > \*\*GMRyujin, that was awful. Just telling you, so you can improve. 🙂 \*\* Hey, you get what you pay for. ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/69 "2004-01-02T06:17:57Z")
> [@](#): > > Better to make shitty jokes than be one. Ooh, naughty words. Does your mommy know you’re on the computer so late? You failed to answer my questions. Failure. You don’t want to be a failure, do you Micheal? You also indicated that your jokes are in fact shitty. Then stop posting them, idiot. Stop trying to jump away when you’re beaten, son. ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/70 "2004-01-02T06:19:27Z")
> [@](#): > > You get what you pay for. And with that prose, you won’t get paid at all! 😛 Just kidding. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/71 "2004-01-02T06:27:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kurdt Kobain \* > **You failed to answer my questions. Failure. You don’t want to be a failure, do you Micheal?** Yes. And it’s Mich **ae** l > [@](#): > > **You also indicated that your jokes are in fact shitty. Then stop posting them, idiot.** Oh, “idiot”, great comeback there Mr. Kaufman. > [@](#): > > \*\*Stop trying to jump away when you’re beaten, son. \*\* I’m still jumping! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/72 "2004-01-02T06:37:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*The next thing I write will be like > > “…and as I took her deep into my arms and gazed into those soulful eyes, suddenly I felt the cold steel of the gun press into my back.”\*\* Yay, another sheep story! Glad to hear you’re okay, **Scylla**. Is this the same OBGyn you tipped a quarter for the olfactory extraction? You’ve _got_ to be one of his favorite patients. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/73 "2004-01-02T12:17:59Z")
**Kurdt Kobain** You don’t know the people that post on this board well enough to hurl accusations like you did. I believe that **Michael** is gay, or a gay proponent at the least if memory does not fail me. You’re childish, and petty. Quit littering up this board! Read more, and post less. It will do you good. **Scylla** I’m glad you are well. The embarassament should fade, it already seems to be doing so. Please, do go to the doctor to make sure all is well. Also. do keep us updated on this, please? ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/74 "2004-01-02T14:46:19Z")
Scylla: A: You _will_ get a full fucking checkup _now_. Am I correct, sir? B: Your reaction, while embarassing after the fact, is entirely normal. Really. Very little motivates the human being as much as the desire not to embarass himself in front of others. Your personal dignity was shredded when your body betrayed you. Your public dignity was shredded when they saved your life, and then your dignity as Master of your Domain was insulted when they called your wife to tell her. It’s cool, man. It’s an understandable reaction. Especially when you consider you’d just been rebooted, and were, no matter how logical you think you are, running about 50 IQ points low and half-drunk from oxydep and general system failure. (Sadly, I’ve done equivalent things to myself enough times to know this. The sicker or more battered I am, the more likely I am to undertake excessive, but useless, excursions, despite the fact that they might be not at all necessary. My mind tends to go perfectly linear, where I see one solution and follow it to the exclusion of all else) Kurdt: It’s not funny, it’s not fun. Face it, you’re boring. Now dance for me, so I might get some pleasure out of your miserable existance. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/75 "2004-01-02T15:47:17Z")
I cracked my foot at the skating rink a few years ago, and I was by myself. After resting a few minutes, I got up and hobbled to the phone to call my husband to come get me. After I got off the phone, I felt myself start to faint. I gripped the edge of the counter, told the guy behind it I was fainting, and was _determined_ that I would _not_ fall in front of all these people. I’m pretty sure I fainted standing up, because I remember two guys grabbing me in a chair position and carrying me to the back, but I wasn’t on the floor. I understand how you felt, definitely. And thanks for that interesting story. Amusingly well told. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/76 "2004-01-02T16:04:04Z")
[ul][li]Thank **God** you are OK, **Scylla**. You would be badly missed.[/li][li]Congrats on the new **Scyll** -ette, to you and the Spousal Unit.[/li][li]DON’T DO THAT SERIAL POSTING SHIT ANYMORE! [/li][li] **Kurdt Kobain** , fucko off.[/li][/ul] Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/77 "2004-01-02T16:09:04Z")
I was spending the weekend at a friend’s lakehouse. Friend’s sister, Sue, suffered a diabetic attack in the middle of the night and much fuss was made, including calling the ambulance,\* jabbing her in the ass with an emergency shot, forcing orange juice down her throat, slapping her when she bit my friend’s finger and would not let go, and shouting repeatedly at her to “DRINK THE DAMN JUICE!!” The next morning I was naturally very concerned about her and queried about Sue’s whereabouts. My friend reported that Sue was staying in her room due to the extreme embarrassment she felt. I was genuinely shocked and puzzled. Embarrassed? Why in the world would someone feel embarrassment over something with which she had no control? I mean, it’s not like she went and got herself shit-faced and then did a striptease on the tablecloth–she had a medical emergency! So, Scylla, your reaction is normal. However, let me assure you, that as a person on the other end, my reaction was a single-minded concern for her well-being. I never felt one iota less of her because she had suffered an attack; in fact, I felt admiration for her because she has battled this crappy disease every single day of her life since she was 8. L- \*The ambulance never arrived. But let me assure you that it’s much preferable to have an attack in front of many qualified m.d.'s than than in front of 8 idiotic laypeople. Only one of us possessed the good sense to use the clearly marked ‘EMERGENCY INSULIN KIT,’ which was sitting right on her nightstand. I was awakened when I heard her brother running around upstairs and shouting that we’d probalby need to perform an emergency tracheotomy on her and could someone find a sharp knife? If _anyone_ had reason for being embarrassed the next day, I daresay it was us. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/78 "2004-01-02T16:28:13Z")
**Scylla**! Congratulations on the newest addition, and congratulations on living another day to enjoy it. Are you now a perfect family unit with one boy and one girl? Or are you now surrounded by a roomfull of women? ---
**Author:** ![Kurdt\_Kobain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/258eb7/32.png) [@Kurdt\_Kobain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kurdt_Kobain)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/79 "2004-01-02T16:33:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Kurdt Kobain, fucko off. I think someone needs a new sense of humor, as yours is broken down! Just sharing my opinion all. And I still think it sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190/80 "2004-01-02T17:33:56Z")
Hey, I’m in favor of being able to make money off your writing. Still working on that one myself. And if serial text worked for Stephen King, it can work for you. Of course, you’ll notice he hasn’t done it again since “The Green Mile.” I bet he wishes HE’D thought of advertising Viagra and penis enlargement at the end of each installment. Oh, and speaking of penis enlargement: Kobain, quit bein’ a dick. You’ve made your point. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-heart-attack-it-wasnt/222190.md?page=5)