# My husband and I are at impasse (relationship-wise) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466 "2006-05-27T17:47:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2006, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/81 "2006-05-30T23:45:22Z")
[QUOTE=SnakesCatLady] Have you tried keeping track of exactly how much time he is devoting to baseball? Use a calendar and note down what time he leaves and what time he gets home each night. Do this for two weeks (or a month) and then have a sit-down discussion with him where you can show him exactly how much time he is spending away from you. When you are doing something you really enjoy, time seems to fly by. He may not honestly realize just how much he _is_ gone. [/QUOTE] I was going to suggest something similar, but I dislike going all Dr. Phil. But since it was brought up, I wouldn’t do it this way. I would ask _him_ to track the time, and you to track it as well, independently. (With him knowing, of course.) Then after a month or a couple weeks – however long you can stand to hold tight, but at least a week – compare your time histories. If his total time list is only half of yours, well, that explains much of the problem, no? Assuming this disparity exists, when he sees how widely your perception varies from his, I’d imagine he’d not only reevaluate his perception, but also work to come to a more functional solution. Just don’t spring it on him; there’s no better (worse) way to put him on the defensive than to surprise him with a laundry list of documented “infractions.” Defensiveness is not conducive to communication or resolution. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/82 "2006-05-31T00:03:26Z")
Just another (mostly useless, no advice) voice saying that I don’t think it’s unreasonable. My boyfriend, for several years, worked irregular schedules. For a few months, he worked 5 pm - 1 am when I was working 8 am - 4 pm. We would see each other one and a half days on the weekend (he would usually work one weekend night as well) and when one or the other of us was sleeping. It was very hard on both of us, and the notion that he is voluntarily choosing such a schedule (rather than it being thrust upon you by the needs of money) would make it worse. Good luck to both of you. ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/83 "2006-05-31T00:04:58Z")
[QUOTE=acsenray] When I read this comment, my first thought was that it was Mr. Featherlou himself who spent his time with the other coaches making disparaging remarks about “part-timers” and their having to stay home with the wife because they’re “whipped.” It’s his own attitude that he’s projecting onto his colleagues. [/QUOTE] Oh, c’mon, it’s not like I buried the lead. (Pretend I put a smilie here.) I opened the post with: > [@](#): > > I think he’s projecting his own superiority complex onto the other coaches if his main reason for not wanting to scale back is because he’s worried that the other coaches will look down on him. So, obviously, I agree with you 100%. And I was deadly serious about what I think their reaction would be if they found out that his commitment to the team was compromising his marriage. In fact, I would go so far as to wonder if the other coaches – and not just the part-timers – think that he’s being a raging asshole when he adopts this attitude of superiority regarding time commitment to the team. Note that of the hardcore sports guys in this thread, (Me & RickJay), he’s not getting any support. That should be telling in and of itself. Don’t give up yet, though it’s possible you already have. Guys with a passion can be amazingly clueless. He knows you’re upset, but he may actually be laboring under a delusion that his time away is near-trivial. I think if he starts tracking how much time his coaching is taking away from his family life, he just might make changes all on his own. As in, if you two agree to independently track the time for a month, I wouldn’t be stunned if after a week and a half he came to you and said “Screw the time lists, I had no idea it was this bad. I’m sorry, I’ll scale back starting now.” (Although don’t _expect_ that to happen, as he may be not counting a lot of extraneous time because it’s not “official” team stuff, even though it still keeps him away. Expectations too easily lead to disappointment.) ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/84 "2006-05-31T01:42:33Z")
[QUOTE=sunacres] She’s a doc, and as much as I _understand_ and admire what she does, I need more attention and affection than she’s able to provide. We’re both 50, and I’m not particularly hopeful that her habits will change any more than my needs. I know I have a horrible choice to make. It’s making me very sad. And I am very sad for **featherlou**. [/QUOTE] In college, I had a two year relationship with a medical student. It ended when I met a guy (my future husband) who had the time and energy to devote to me. As much as I loved my boyfriend, it didn’t take much foresight to peer into my future and see that I was going to be a very lonely person. I hated his beeper already; it wasn’t going to get any better. And so I ended it. Today my ex is his mid-40’s and has a wonderful career as a pediatric orthopedic surgeon specializing in helping children with spina bifida. Oh, yes, he’s still single. But at least I can look back and now that he had a more important mission in the world than making me happy. Can’t say that I’d look back so fondly upon it if he deserted me over baseball practice. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/85 "2006-05-31T04:35:44Z")
I have been sharing this thread with my husband because, of course, we both have an interest in working out this issue. Here’s his input: > [@](#): > > I’ve been reading this thread with interest, looking for some outside perspective on what has really been the only recurring battle in our marriage. But there are a couple things I wanted to say from my perspective. First, I coach for many reasons, but the long and short of it is that it fills a very important role in my life by giving me an opportunity to give something back to the world. I like to think that I am a positive influence on these kids, that I help them learn about teamwork, commitment, dedication, and focus and that they will be better human beings as a result. I don’t do it for the glory (since there is none) and I certainly don’t do it for the money, (since there is none). I do it because I love doing it, no matter how frustrating it can sometimes be. And, yes, I invest a significant amount of time into it every year, I estimate somewhere around 150 hours per season. > > Here’s how I look at the time investment: New player evaluations begin in mid-February and run nightly for about a week. Historically, I have attended about two-thirds of all the evaluation sessions. Then we have our draft and indoor practices begin right after that. Because space is at a premium indoors here, and because the ground is snow-covered, we typically pratice once a week, but no more than twice a week, until the end of March. Once April rolls around we try to get outside as much as possible, although lack of daylight and the persistant snow is a factor. Again, we generally wind up practicing no more than once or twice per week for most of this month, although by month-end we have usually ramped up to three or four dates a week. The season starts at the start of May and runs through to late June, with playoffs running until mid-July. This is the busy part of the year. We play a 20-game schedule and mix in a number of practices, for the sake of argument we’ll call it once per week, although it’s more like once every 10 days. By my math, that means I’m at the diamond 28 times during an eight-week stretch, which works out to an average of 3.5 times per week, if I’ve done the math right. Playoffs tend to be spaced farther apart as the league allows time for our travelling all-star teams to do their thing, so typically we’re looking at more like 2-3 games per week during that period, rather than 3-4. > > Knowing that my time commitment to ball is an ongoing problem in this marriage, I have made a conscious effort to step back on a regular basis. This year I chose to skip about a third of all our pre-season practices. Featherlou and I took two weeks off to go to Vegas in May and while we were gone I missed four regular season games. In addition, I could have made games the day before we left and the day after we came home, but I chose to spend that time with my wife. I have also made the decision to not attend ball commitments on Friday nights to spend time with my wife. Four times in the last three years I have been offered a team manager’s position and I have declined every time because of the extra time associated with that position. Every year I am offered a coaching position on one of the all-star squads and, again, I have always declined these positions. So believe me, there is a lot of room for me to increase my commitment to ball, but I continue to choose not to go down that road. As featherlou has pointed out, I am reluctant to back off more in my time investment because, to my mind, I am already basically a part-time coach. It’s hard enough to teach these kids about dedication without the added burden of not being dedicated yourself – leadership by example and all that. And since cutting back my time further isn’t a viable option for me, I’m choosing to quit coaching entirely next year, for the sake of my marriage. It’s the only way I can see to resolve this dispute. > > Looking forward to all your responses. I think I’m going to have to suck it up and admit that I was wrong about his time commitment. It still seems a little extreme to me, but I have to admit that it isn’t as heavy as I thought it was for as long as it seems to me, and he has made concessions already. Damned crow, getting all stuck in my throat and all. (Mods, I hope this isn’t against the rules, Jim not being a member and all.) ---
**Author:** ![sunacres](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@sunacres](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunacres)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/86 "2006-05-31T05:20:27Z")
It sounds like you’ve both got a lot of consideration for each other. And Jim, it took guts to wade into this thread, thank you. You sound very level headed and aware of what’s at stake. But don’t let **featherlou’s** crow-eating mislead you. She’s hurting. It sounds like you know that. I wish you both the best. Life is full of very difficult choices, eh? ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/87 "2006-05-31T09:27:33Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] I think I’m going to have to suck it up and admit that I was wrong about his time commitment. It still seems a little extreme to me, but I have to admit that it isn’t as heavy as I thought it was for as long as it seems to me, and he has made concessions already. Damned crow, getting all stuck in my throat and all. [/QUOTE] heh. Amazing how perceptions can vary, eh? > [@Jim](#): > > New player evaluations begin in mid-February and run nightly for about a week. Historically, I have attended about two-thirds of all the evaluation sessions. Then we have our draft and indoor practices begin right after that. Because space is at a premium indoors here, and because the ground is snow-covered, we typically pratice once a week, but no more than twice a week, until the end of March. Once April rolls around we try to get outside as much as possible, although lack of daylight and the persistant snow is a factor. Again, we generally wind up practicing no more than once or twice per week for most of this month, although by month-end we have usually ramped up to three or four dates a week. The season starts at the start of May and runs through to late June, with playoffs running until mid-July. This is the busy part of the year. We play a 20-game schedule and mix in a number of practices, for the sake of argument we’ll call it once per week, although it’s more like once every 10 days. By my math, that means I’m at the diamond 28 times during an eight-week stretch, which works out to an average of 3.5 times per week, if I’ve done the math right. Playoffs tend to be spaced farther apart as the league allows time for our travelling all-star teams to do their thing, so typically we’re looking at more like 2-3 games per week during that period, rather than 3-4. Hmmm. Personally, I think it sucks for you to go “cold turkey,” as it were. Also, uh, **Jim** , since you’re reading this, no offense meant by my earlier posts. (Nor this one…) I understand what you’re saying about the part time deal, but here’s a quick story: As an IT guy, it’s not unusual for crunchtime to hit and I’ll find myself working 16 hour days. Occasionally a 30 hour day will crop up. I know what it’s like to work too hard. But there’s this other guy in the office who would _always_ work 16 hour days, week in and week out, regardless of the workload. But he would always pull out the martyr complex; casually tossing out “I was here untill 11 last night” if anyone mentioned staying late. Here’s the thing: Everyone in the office derided him behind his back for this. Their opinion to his face was that he had great commitment, but behind his back every single person held a very low opinion of him. The general concensus was that he was sacrificing his life for no reason. Views on him ranged from pity to disdain, depending on how many times he’d mentioned his recent hours. The thing is, it’s easy to find yourself locked into a situation where you’re devoting too much of yourself to a thing, despite the reality that it’s not really necessary, and all too often nobody (but your wife) will tell you. As I said before, it sucks to give it up completely. You know yourself best, though. If you can’t “half-ass” it and still respect yourself in the morning, then I guess you have to give it up completely. But you should really stop and think about why you have internalized such a stigma about being a part-time coach. Surely a part-time coach rates higher than a not-at-all coach, doesn’t it? The kids you’re coaching, they don’t have a wife and fulltime job to deal with. I get that you being there everytime they show up imparts commitment, but do you ever wonder if the kids are thinking, “damn, that guy must be a shitty husband for spending so much time away from his wife.” They probably are, especially if they have dads who work too hard and are never home for them. Kids pick up on a lot of things. I think they’d pick up on your values of being a good husband almost as easily as your values of being a good coach. This reads way too harsh. My sincere apologies; I truly mean you no disrespect. I wish you two nothing but a happy life together. I suspect there is an amount of time that **featherlou** would be comfortable with that could still give you enough of an involvement to derive some satisfaction. It’s nowhere near the whole schedule, but it’s got to be more than none at all. (Right, **featherlou**?) I’m imagining something like: Skip scouting and draft altogether. (You’re helping kids, not trying to assemble a dynasty.) Limit yourself to one day a week (preferably the same day of the week) through late April, then average two days a week throughout the season and playoffs. To accomplish this, skip exactly half the games while attending all in-season practices. I’d say skip all the away games using the logic that travel time reduces your return on time investment, but skipping all the home games instead would probably work too. (Scheduling a vacation for the two of you soon after the season ends wouldn’t hurt.) The idea being that if you show up the same day of the week each week from February through April, that demonstrates to your players a reliable, consistent presence. Same idea behind “every away” or “every home” game. Not ubiquitous involvement, but rather predictable and reliable. Perhaps **featherlou** would still find (averaging) two days a week intolerable due to pent up resentment, for which I couldn’t really blame her, but after 19 years quitting altogether will likely simply transfer that resentment to you. Well, it would me, but honestly you sound like a better man than me, so maybe it wouldn’t. I don’t know, those are my thoughts, but I’m just some random stranger on the internet – I don’t harbor illusions that it’s a perfect fit for either of your needs. I do hope things work out for you two, as you seem like a nice couple. ---
**Author:** ![Stainz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stainz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stainz)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/88 "2006-05-31T15:08:24Z")
Couldn’t Jim’s coaching needs be met by coaching in a different league, one that is more for fun and recreation? I’m just saying … ---
**Author:** ![TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@TheBoneyKingofNowhere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheBoneyKingofNowhere)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/89 "2006-05-31T15:09:07Z")
Well, my opinion only, but seems like such a shame. I really don’t want to complicate things with my meaningless posts, but I can’t understand how two and a half months of allowing someone the joy of life enrichment through coaching/teaching/being a positive influence can jeapordize an entire marriage. You’re far enough north that games really can’t be played for much longer than that, so I can understand mid-Feb through March is on a limited basis (1-2 times a week) and that for the most part the busy months can’t even be that bad, from what it sounds like. I’ve been involved with American Legion baseball in Nebraska, which involves 60+ game schedules over May/June/July with daily practices in-between. It is massively time-consuming, but I also see how people involved (parents/coaches/assistant coaches (me) consider the opportunity a priviledge, rather than a burden. It’s summer, it’s being outside, it’s sharing the experiences. Together. So on a less than full-time basis, I just think it’s unfortunate, I suppose. I don’t think, **featherlou** , that your comments/arguments sound totally unreasonable, but I do think they might inevitably come at the cost of resentment of mr. featherlou… at which point some of the alternatives suggested on page one might look like better options in the long-run. I know husbands who love their wives the that spend more time than this golfing or at the bar - 12 months out of the year (not that it’s right, obviously)… ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/90 "2006-05-31T15:38:03Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] I I think I’m going to have to suck it up and admit that I was wrong about his time commitment. It still seems a little extreme to me [/QUOTE] I have to admit, featherlou, that I’m now switching over to seeing things your husband’s way. That really isn’t excessive at all if it’s his one big interest. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/91 "2006-05-31T17:29:49Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] I have to admit, featherlou, that I’m now switching over to seeing things your husband’s way. That really isn’t excessive at all if it’s his one big interest. [/QUOTE] Yeah, after seeing Mr. F’s statement, it doesn’t sound so bad. Maybe the both of you should still follow the suggestion to keep a log for this season, just to see, really, how much of a time commitment it is. Seeing it on paper might give both of you something to think about and maybe Mr. F wouldn’t have to give it up and maybe it won’t bother you so much after all. And maybe it still would, but at least it would be based on something concrete. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/92 "2006-05-31T18:14:46Z")
I have to agree with that. One or two evenings a week for several months isn’t the same thing as four to six evenings a week for half the year. I still think you should log the time so you can both see what it looks like. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/93 "2006-05-31T21:36:47Z")
[QUOTE=sunacres] \But don’t let **featherlou’s** crow-eating mislead you. She’s hurting. It sounds like you know that. I wish you both the best. Life is full of very difficult choices, eh? [/QUOTE] Thank you. Just because I admitted I was partly wrong\* doesn’t mean I’m not partly right. My perception that he’s gone a lot more than he’s home did not develop in a vacuum. Baseball is by far his largest commitment outside of work, so that’s the one that got labelled as the problem. This thread probably should have been about feeling lonely and neglected sometimes in an otherwise healthy marriage, rather than just about the baseball issue, but we live and learn. (And I was mad about the baseball when I started the thread. 🙂 ) \*I wasn’t that far off, either. Jim also plays slo-pitch once a week all summer, and is still curling two nights a week at the start of the baseball season. But you guys are probably getting tired of this squabble by now. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/94 "2006-05-31T21:56:04Z")
Nice of Jim to stop by. I am concerned (if I can go all Mrs Cravitz on you and butt in here) about him quitting altogether. That makes no sense to me. The beef is feeling neglected and alone inside a marriage-him quitting something that feeds him will not make those feelings go away. IMO, what needs to happen is perhaps a slight scaling back of time commitments, but also he needs to be emotionally present when he is home. Not on the phone, arranging schedules and talking line ups (I have never coached and dont’ really like baseball, so I have trouble sounding like a coach, sorry). Maybe he needs to give up curling. Why not a special couple thing like a mini-break after the season- AND THAT THING IS NOT TO IN ANY WAY BE RELATED TO BASEBALL? Frankly, a guy who was one note for even 3 months a year would bore me to tears, but that’s just me. I think there is room for both partners to be happy here. I do hope this doesn’t lead to Jim being resentful of **feather** in a year’s time. It is an admirable thing he is doing–more of us should invest in kids etc. I hope you both find your way. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2006, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/95 "2006-05-31T22:07:07Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] I think there is room for both partners to be happy here. I do hope this doesn’t lead to Jim being resentful of **feather** in a year’s time. It is an admirable thing he is doing–more of us should invest in kids etc. [/QUOTE] I agree. At the beginning of the thread, I was agreeing with those supporting **Featherlou** in saying that Mr. F was being unreasonable. I’m not saying that I’m against FL now, because I think that FL’s feelings of neglect were valid. Now it looks more like FL and Mr. F have a healthy place to start from. Both parties keeping a schedule of their non-office activities would seem to be a good place to start. And as **El** said, during the baseball season when FL and Mr. FL are together, they should concentrate on really being together, not just being in proximity. That might be a good starting point for a future compromise. If it really turns out that FL can get her need for togetherness satisfied without Mr. F completely giving up coaching or giving up other, less important hobbies, then that might be a way to forestall other kinds of dissatisfaction. ---
**Author:** ![happyshiny786](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@happyshiny786](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyshiny786)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2019, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/96 "2019-03-24T20:28:57Z")
I find myself in a similar position and I wonder what happened to this couple! ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/97 "2019-03-25T00:51:13Z")
Since this thread is 13 years old, and Cat Whisperer hasn’t been active here since: Last Activity: 09-24-2018 08:37 PM I don’t think there will be an update from that quarter. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/98 "2019-03-25T01:04:48Z")
> [@happyshiny786](#): > > I find myself in a similar position and I wonder what happened to this couple! Well, she changed her posting name since she started this thread. I had wondered where **featherlou** got to. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/99 "2019-03-25T10:26:43Z")
Ah! Didn’t know about the name change. Glad she’s still around. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/100 "2019-03-25T16:27:34Z")
> [@happyshiny786](#): > > I find myself in a similar position and I wonder what happened to this couple! Worse comes to worse you could try a PM and/or e-mail although I have no idea if her e-mail of record is still valid. And for the PM figure it may be a while before she sees it and include a good e-mail address for yourself. And just because I am a smart-ass who always enjoys the zombie (what we call old threads woken up around here. Yours isn’t really a zombie because you asked a very direct question to the situation today) jokes --------- if my wife turn zombie I’m dumping her. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466.md?page=6)