# My husband and I are at impasse (relationship-wise) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466 "2006-05-27T17:47:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/101 "2019-03-25T21:38:31Z")
> [@happyshiny786](#): > > I find myself in a similar position and I wonder what happened to this couple! > [@kopek](#): > > Worse comes to worse you could try a PM and/or e-mail although I have no idea if her e-mail of record is still valid. And for the PM figure it may be a while before she sees it and include a good e-mail address for yourself. I’m in touch with **Cat Whisperer** (nee **featherlou** ) and her husband. They’re local to me, and we occasionally get together for dinner or golf. Obviously, they’re still together. I’m reluctant to say more, but I do have current contact info for her, so I’ll give her a heads-up that this thread has been resurrected. It will be up to her as to whether she chooses to post an update, but I will let her know. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/102 "2019-03-25T23:16:45Z")
Thanks, I too would be very interested in how things turned out, especially as I deal with similar issues in my own marriage - reasonably successfully, so far. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2019, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/103 "2019-03-25T23:51:46Z")
Hi everybody! We discovered a solution - we moved to Lethbridge, and since they are very wary of people who aren’t local around here, no one will let Jim coach. ☹ We have also started our own business, and are quite busy running that, so he wouldn’t have time for a huge coaching commitment if they did let him coach. This was really digging in the vaults for me - our relationship from 13 years ago! ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2019, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/104 "2019-03-26T01:20:55Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I have been sharing this thread with my husband because, of course, we both have an interest in working out this issue. Here’s his input: > Quote: > And, yes, I invest a significant amount of time into it every year, I estimate somewhere around 150 hours per season. > > Here’s how I look at the time investment: New player evaluations begin in mid-February and run nightly for about a week. Nightly for a week = how many hours, 1, 2 4? Call it 7 to 10 hours. > [@](#): > > Historically, I have attended about two-thirds of all the evaluation sessions. Then we have our draft and indoor practices begin right after that. Because space is at a premium indoors here, and because the ground is snow-covered, we typically pratice once a week, but no more than twice a week, until the end of March. How long is an evaluation session, and how long is the draft and indoor practice - call it 2 hours per evaluation session, how many do you have? 5 sessions at2 hours is another 10 hours. Indoor practice, call it 2 hours once a week through march would be 8 hours, add a second practice in 1 week for a total of 10 hours … > [@](#): > > Once April rolls around we try to get outside as much as possible, although lack of daylight and the persistant snow is a factor. Again, we generally wind up practicing no more than once or twice per week for most of this month, although by month-end we have usually ramped up to three or four dates a week. 1 week at 2 hours, 1 week at 4 hours, 1 week at 6 hours, last week at 8 hours = 20 hours > [@](#): > > The season starts at the start of May and runs through to late June, with playoffs running until mid-July. This is the busy part of the year. We play a 20-game schedule and mix in a number of practices, for the sake of argument we’ll call it once per week, although it’s more like once every 10 days. By my math, that means I’m at the diamond 28 times during an eight-week stretch, which works out to an average of 3.5 times per week, if I’ve done the math right. 20 games 1 a week for 20 weeks, plus 1 practice per week - from what I remember of my brother’s little league years, a game or a practice tended to run about 2 hours so for 20 weeks we are looking at 80 hours. > [@](#): > > Playoffs tend to be spaced farther apart as the league allows time for our travelling all-star teams to do their thing, so typically we’re looking at more like 2-3 games per week during that period, rather than 3-4. again, how many play off games are there? Allow for the hell of it 6 games, 12 hours. And can you estimate travel time to away games, and can you estimate any other baseball/league related events [dinners, coach planning meetings, anything not already mentioned here?] Just the games, practices and preseason we are looking at roughly 140 hours …but as I said, how about travel time or any other function that takes you away from home. Are you also adding in anything you do at home [looking at files, planning, whatever] as self organization does count as time away from your wife … I think I’m going to have to suck it up and admit that I was wrong about his time commitment. It still seems a little extreme to me, but I have to admit that it isn’t as heavy as I thought it was for as long as it seems to me, and he has made concessions already. Damned crow, getting all stuck in my throat and all. (Mods, I hope this isn’t against the rules, Jim not being a member and all.) [/QUOTE] I tried interspersing my stuff in the husbands stuff, hope it works. Upshot is 140 hours doesn’t sound like much, but is he also adding in travel time to away games, travel time to and from the practice and diamonds and planning and organizational hours? ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2019, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/105 "2019-03-26T04:46:22Z")
Just to note, aruvqan, that Cat Whisperer made her original post in this thread 13 years ago. The thread was revived yesterday by a new board member who was facing a similar issue, and wanted to know how the OP had been resolved (Cat Whisperer returned to the thread with an update, in the post before yours). ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2019, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/106 "2019-03-26T15:10:15Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > This was really digging in the vaults for me - our relationship from 13 years ago! As a former member of Necrophiliacs for Shapp (don’t ask – long story involving PA politics ages ago) I am always happy to see people digging in vaults. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2019, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/107 "2019-03-26T15:21:39Z")
Look at it this way, for six months a year he is completely out of your hair because he’s doing what he wants, so you are free to do whatever you want, and that’s exactly what I suggest that you do. You may find that you grow to like it as much as he does. You always have the other 6 months of the year to share things together. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2019, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/108 "2019-03-26T15:26:37Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > As a former member of Necrophiliacs for Shapp (don’t ask – long story involving PA politics ages ago) I am always happy to see people digging in vaults. 😃 Heh 🙂 Don’t remember necrophiliacs specifically, but I met him and kind of knew his daughter. One of the most forgettable men to try running for president. ETA: Glad you’re back\*\* Cat\*\*! I think yours is the first Doper name I could remember. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2019, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/109 "2019-03-26T16:22:19Z")
Thanks for the update, and better still to hear that it worked out. Two decades of dedicated baseball coaching is a great run, even if it had to end then - hope Jim sees it that way and has few regrets, though I’m sure he misses it. ---
**Author:** ![Mikemike2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikemike2/32/305_2.png) [@Mikemike2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikemike2)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2019, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466/110 "2019-03-26T16:32:43Z")
Oh man, I was reading a zombie, fuck. Usually, all the banned posters give it away. Maybe threads more than three years old should have a green banner or something. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-and-i-are-at-impasse-relationship-wise/358466.md?page=5)