# "My Husband Doesn’t Share My Faith" - Good Lord this poor man has the patience of a saint **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 2, 2013, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936 "2013-11-02T18:25:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/1 "2013-11-02T18:25:23Z")
Re this post “[My Husband Doesn’t Share My Faith](http://powertochange.com/experience/sex-love/husbandsfaith/)” I think this poor, long suffering man is really the one who God has laid his hand on re giving him the grace of patience and forgiveness. > [@](#): > > I’ve rehearsed this scene in my mind 10,000 times: My husband, Barry, walks through the front door and says he has a surprise for me. He asks, “What’s the one thing you want most in the world?” At first I’m confused, but when I look into his eyes, I know. He doesn’t have to say it, but he does anyway: “I’ve given my life to Christ.” > > But after years of praying, waiting, and hoping, so far that’s still a daydream. > > Barry and I met and married 28 years ago. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing: He liked my then-red hair and green eyes; I liked his broad shoulders and sense of humor. Plus, he was easy to talk to. As unbelievers, neither of us had a clue what our future would be. We just thought a life together would be a kick. A relationship with Christ was the last thing on our minds! > > Our first three years of marriage were filled with partying, softball, and the birth of our first daughter. Then, almost without warning, God drew me into a relationship with himself. After overhearing some Christians in the office where I worked talk about heaven, I began asking questions. Although I’d attended church as a child, I knew nothing about the Bible and salvation. Then one day after a long talk with Rita, one of my coworkers, I prayed a simple prayer: “Jesus save me!” That prayer forever changed my life—and my marriage as I knew it. > > I wrote the handbook on how not to win your spouse to Christ > > Unfortunately for Barry, right from the start I was one of those obnoxious “Jesus freaks.” I didn’t share my new faith with my husband; I pushed, forced, and shoved. Believe me, I wrote the handbook on how not to win your spouse to Christ. I didn’t speak, I preached. I didn’t live out my faith quietly; I trumpeted my every minute change. I’d say, “See what God’s done in my life? See how loving and humble I now am?” I prayed loudly in Barry’s presence and made sure he knew he was a sinner destined for hell. I even packed gospel tracts in his lunch and added a Bible verse at the end of all my love notes to him > [@](#): > > To Barry’s credit, he remained incredibly patient. (Maybe he was just tuning me out.) Most of the time he avoided my religious rampages by tinkering with our car. Sometimes, though, he’d get angry and yell, “Stop with all the Jesus stuff!” Barry told me he threw the gospel tracts away because they embarrassed him in front of his friends. Once in a while he’d get a pained look on his face and say he wanted his “old wife” back—Jesus-free. > > Soon we were at odds with each other. I blamed any and all our marital problems on his unsaved status. After all, if we were both Christians, life would be “happy-ever-after.” Or so I imagined. I tried even harder: blasting my Christian music and scattering opened Bibles around the house; crying and pleading with him to go to church with me. Sometimes, Barry would go. But instead of enjoying him next to me in church, I’d sit there chewing nervously on the end of my pen, praying madly that this would be The Day. Afterwards, I’d quiz him in the car, “What did you think of the sermon? Did you like the music?” > > “It was okay,” he’d say. “Do we have any turkey at home for a sandwich?” > > The rest of the ride home, I’d sit and fight back either tears or angry words. Why couldn’t he see his need for Christ? I’d fume. Then Barry, sensing my disappointment, would pat my shoulder and say, “Look, I believe in God, but not in the same way you do.” That was not the answer I wanted to hear. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/2 "2013-11-02T18:28:15Z")
Jesus ruins another happy marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/3 "2013-11-02T18:38:16Z")
I read the whole thing, and, while I think that Barry has got either God or a whole LOT of Valium on his side, I think the author’s conclusions demonstrate a great deal of growth on her part: > [@](#): > > I decided long ago to accept that it’s God’s job to change hearts. That decision frees me to pursue my relationship with God without the added burden of having to bring my husband to faith. All I have to do is love and enjoy him. That’s God’s plan for me, and he gives me all the grace I need to accomplish it. I feel for the both of them: a significant life change happened to her that did not happen to him, and they found a way, despite her admittedly making the effects of that choice a significant stumbling block in the marriage, to make it work. She learned to accept her husband as he is and that she cannot force him into the same choices she made, important though they may have been to her. He learned to accept his wife’s change and not lose himself for the sake of appeasing her. I would say that it was a tough road for both of them, I applaud her maturity and realization (regardless of how late it came in life) and I wish them both well. ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/4 "2013-11-02T18:39:38Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Jesus ruins another happy marriage. It’s His will. He wants all the women for himself. He’s just a dang ol’ poly-bigamist, Praise the Lord. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/5 "2013-11-02T18:43:13Z")
So, they don’t play softball anymore? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/6 "2013-11-02T18:54:02Z")
This sounds a bit too extreme to be true. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/7 "2013-11-02T18:58:09Z")
> [@](#): > > After overhearing some Christians in the office where I worked talk about heaven, I began asking questions. Although I’d attended church as a child, I knew nothing about the Bible and salvation. Then one day after a long talk with Rita, one of my coworkers, I prayed a simple prayer: “Jesus save me!” That prayer forever changed my life—and my marriage as I knew it. So, Chick is right??? There _are_ American people who have never heard of salvation and convert upon listening to the explanations of some random stranger? I’m amazed. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/8 "2013-11-02T19:05:02Z")
> [@Longshanks](#): > > This sounds a bit too extreme to be true. Did you read the responses to her article? They are mostly very much onboard with her angst and share their similar struggles. ---
**Author:** ![Longshanks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Longshanks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Longshanks)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/9 "2013-11-02T19:28:37Z")
I didn’t read the responses before posting, however since I read them I reaffirm my belief that the Romans did a great disservice by not feeding the rest of them to the lions. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/10 "2013-11-03T03:18:26Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Jesus ruins another happy marriage. It all started when she called out His name during sex. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/11 "2013-11-03T05:54:17Z")
> [@Longshanks](#): > > This sounds a bit too extreme to be true. Yeah, my Poe sense is tingling. Especially: > [@](#): > > I’d say, “See what God’s done in my life? See how loving and humble I now am?” I prayed loudly in Barry’s presence and made sure he knew he was a sinner destined for hell. That gotta be a parody. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/12 "2013-11-03T06:19:45Z")
There was a godawful article in the local paper around Easter. It was basically this story but with the happy ending the wife wanted. The man converted, started going to church with his wife, and became the president of the church board or something. End article. It was the front page story too. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/13 "2013-11-03T06:53:28Z")
It’s not just evangelical/’“come to Jesus” types. For some years, I dated a lapsed Roman Catholic. We were planning a wedding–then she rediscovered her faith. Suddenly, I was expected to go to Mass with her on Sundays, and to take classes to make me a good Catholic when I converted–which I was expected (by her and her church) to do. I balked. I questioned. The final nail was when a priest at her church said that he would not recognize my own baptism in a Christian church (Presbyterian, actually). There seemed to be very few Christian concepts at work in her and her church’s zeal to convert me. No “love thy neighbour as thyself,” and so on. No snark intended to the Roman Catholic Church in general (though it may deserve it), but in this particular matter, her parish church and its priests went too far. In the end, our relationship died, due in no small part to her new-found attachment to the Roman Catholic Church. I applaud Barry for his patience, and for living a Christian life. Too bad his so-called Christian wife hasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/14 "2013-11-03T12:05:31Z")
Oh, man. My wife is Christian and I’m not; when I read this to her she said, “oh, right, because Jesus got his way by badgering people.” But my former sister-in-law was exactly like this woman, and she constantly asked my wife if there were any signs of my relenting and accepting Christ, fed me Christian propaganda, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/15 "2013-11-03T12:28:54Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Suddenly, I was expected to go to Mass with her on Sundays, and to take classes to make me a good Catholic when I converted–which I was expected (by her and her church) to do. Not by the Church, as God is my witness. The parish priests were assholes but then it looks like they helped you dodge a large bullet. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/16 "2013-11-03T12:30:46Z")
Those Jesus Freaks Well, they’re friendly but The shit they believe Has got their minds all shut - [F. Zappa](http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/frank_zappa/the_meek_shall_inherit_nothing.html) ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/17 "2013-11-03T12:40:41Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Jesus ruins another happy marriage. Well, if he couldn’t have a happy marriage, he figures, why should anyone else? Now, won’t you please rise and open your hymnal to page 1897 and join the choir in, _“I’m-a Cock-Blockin’ For Da Lord…!”_ ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/18 "2013-11-03T13:39:58Z")
> [@Longshanks](#): > > I didn’t read the responses before posting, however since I read them I reaffirm my belief that the Romans did a great disservice by not feeding the rest of them to the lions. Your opinion about Christianity is not the topic here. If you want to share that, go to Great Debates. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/19 "2013-11-03T16:41:54Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Jesus ruins another happy marriage. Jesus is the “other man.” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2013, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936/20 "2013-11-03T16:45:41Z")
Hexagram 41: Decrease, Six in the third place; _When three people journey together, Their number decreases by one. When one man journeys alone, He finds a companion._ She’s making Jesus the third person in their relationship. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-doesn-t-share-my-faith-good-lord-this-poor-man-has-the-patience-of-a-saint/672936.md?page=2)