# My Husband Has Bladder Cancer \[sad update\]
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 7, 2017, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524 "2017-01-07T14:41:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 22
### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2017, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/422 "2017-04-07T20:31:51Z")
Today I got back the “cremains” and the death certificates. In some ways it’s a relief, that phase of this whole thing is done and I feel like I can start to move on.
But I still miss him.
---
### Author:  [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2017, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/423 "2017-04-07T20:36:49Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> Today I got back the “cremains” and the death certificates. In some ways it’s a relief, that phase of this whole thing is done and I feel like I can start to move on.
>
> But I still miss him.
Getting Steve’s ashes was a huge blow for me (they were so unbelievably _small_). Everyone is different, but if you find that particularly hard, know you are not alone.
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### Author:  [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)
#### Post date: [April 7, 2017, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/424 "2017-04-07T23:48:53Z")
This is a situation which in all likelihood I will face one day and you two ladies, **Broomstick** and **jsgoddess** , with your strength, are inspirational.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2017, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/425 "2017-04-08T12:52:57Z")
The insurance company authorization for inpatient hospice for my husband arrived in the mail…
…nearly a week after he died.
This struck me as very, very, very darkly funny, as well as unspeakably sad.
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### Author:  [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2017, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/426 "2017-04-08T13:13:30Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> Checking in to say thanks for the posts, and to say I’m coping. It’s pretty damn hard, but I’m still moving forward.
>
> I miss him so damn much.
I had refrained from commenting because I always feel like I don’t have the right words, but I want you to know that I was sorry to hear of your loss. My sincere condolences.
Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk
---
### Author:  [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2017, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/427 "2017-04-08T13:47:45Z")
I’m sorry to hear this. I hope you find peace and comfort in memory.
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### Author:  [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2017, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/428 "2017-04-08T14:33:10Z")
I’m so fucking sorry, Broomstick.
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### Author:  [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2017, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/429 "2017-04-08T17:48:47Z")
Ah, just saw this. My condolences **Broomstick** , I hope you’ve been holding up okay.
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### Author:  [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2017, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/430 "2017-04-08T18:26:06Z")
I am very sorry for your loss, **Broomstick**.
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### Author:  [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2017, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/431 "2017-04-08T18:50:38Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> ?..This struck me as very, very, very darkly funny, as well as unspeakably sad.
That sounds about right :(. The love you shared came through loud and clear in your posts. He was lucky to have you, and you to have him.
So sorry for your loss, and sending good thoughts to you.
---
### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2017, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/432 "2017-04-13T16:41:35Z")
Still very painful.
Still having crying episodes.
But it’s funny what bothers me, or does so unexpectedly. I’m about to leave the house and, like I’ve done for decades, I go to tell the Other Half where I’m going… but he’s not there.
I come home, and there’s no one there to meet me at the door. Well, maybe that’s not really that unexpected, but it’s painful. I have no one to come home to (well, the parrots, they probably are the reason I’m home every night).
I know this will get better but right now I don’t _feel_ it. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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### Author:  [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2017, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/433 "2017-04-13T16:46:18Z")
Putting one foot in front of another is all you can do for now. That’s ok.
For many years you saw the world through a lens of “us” as part of a couple. That is going to take time to change. Give yourself all the time you need.
---
### Author:  [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2017, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/434 "2017-04-13T17:13:56Z")
Big hugs to you, Broomstick. I’m so sorry there wasn’t a better outcome for you both, he’s not suffering now. Unfortunately, you are, and everyone that loved him and misses him. I wish we could do more than these mere words.
In the fullness of time there will be joy and you will remember the good times, the funny things. The sad will drop away. It’s a process, a path to walk.
We’re here for you. As always, Dopers got your back. Not wanting to hover over you or anything like that, but don’t do this by yourself, you don’t have to. At the same time we don’t want to be intrusive or insensitive, so let us know what you need, at your pace, in your time.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2017, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/435 "2017-04-13T23:13:17Z")
Thanks, folks, a lot of the time just and “atta girl” is enough to keep me going.
I am really exhausted. Only slept about 4 hours last night, and even those weren’t quality. Trying not to nap to improve the chances of getting a good night’s sleep tonight. So… didn’t really do that much today, although getting information to the life insurance company and straightening out my health/dental/etc benefits were important even if not particularly time consuming.
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### Author:  [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)
#### Post date: [April 14, 2017, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/436 "2017-04-14T00:03:58Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and I hope you can feel the warmth of my hug. Please take care of yourself.
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### Author:  [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2017, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/437 "2017-04-15T02:57:02Z")
I am so sorry.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2017, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/438 "2017-04-15T23:14:24Z")
Well, here I am - a holiday weekend. The people who said they’d make time for me have all cancelled due to family things. Great.
I am sitting here all alone. With no family.
Well, yeah, I get it - but if they weren’t going to follow through they never should have made those promises, just told me from the get-go sorry, not this weekend.
This will be a very hard weekend to get through.
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### Author:  [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2017, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/439 "2017-04-15T23:39:52Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> Well, here I am - a holiday weekend. The people who said they’d make time for me have all cancelled due to family things. Great.
>
> I am sitting here all alone. With no family.
>
> Well, yeah, I get it - but if they weren’t going to follow through they never should have made those promises, just told me from the get-go sorry, not this weekend.
>
> This will be a very hard weekend to get through.
Aw, jeez. I am so sorry to hear this. People can be very inconsiderate.
---
### Author:  [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)
#### Post date: [April 16, 2017, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/440 "2017-04-16T00:18:22Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> Well, here I am - a holiday weekend. The people who said they’d make time for me have all cancelled due to family things. Great.
>
> I am sitting here all alone. With no family.
>
> Well, yeah, I get it - but if they weren’t going to follow through they never should have made those promises, just told me from the get-go sorry, not this weekend.
>
> This will be a very hard weekend to get through.
I know there is a phrase that is used all the time that talks about “new normal.” I’ve had friends use it after a spouse or child dies, or after another life-changing event.
In the new normal, people learn about all the big changes that happen, whether they like it or not.
So, you have a new normal without your husband. Your life now is as a widow. And part of it is finding out that most people have great intentions, but really lousy follow through. At the time they promise they will call, be there, arrange something, or whatever, they really do mean it. They want to do something for you. In their minds, they can picture doing it with you, but it doesn’t happen.
So I think many people find the new normal is to accept graciously the invitation, or whatever, but until it actually happens, don’t expect it.
I’m afraid this isn’t the last time you will be disappointed in this way, so it’s best if you don’t expect it to happen.
---
### Author:  [@Elemenopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elemenopy)
#### Post date: [April 16, 2017, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/441 "2017-04-16T08:47:03Z")
Hugs to you, Broomstick. I’m very sorry for everything you have gone through.
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