# My Husband Has Bladder Cancer \[sad update\]
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 7, 2017, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524 "2017-01-07T14:41:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 7
### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2017, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/121 "2017-01-19T05:33:43Z")
I’d _like_ to hire out some stuff, but hired people have to be paid. I \*am \*having someone else do the laundry. The landlord came by yesterday and took care of a few maintenance things in the apartment while I was at work, which was helpful.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2017, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/122 "2017-01-19T05:41:21Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#):
>
> Sounds like he should be on a steady dosing of pain meds - a fentanyl patch would be ideal.
They’ve been tinkering with the pain meds schedule. AND husband is finally convinced that yes, he needs to take things on schedule, he had to screw that up twice before he got the message. The kidney procedure also helped a lot with the pain,.
> [@](#):
>
> Unbelievable that the insurance is dragging their heels on a PET/CT scan for staging. That said, most oncos seem to know how to beat insurance at their own game to get things done.
We’re starting chemo without the PET scan - waiting for approval is only going to allow the cancer to keep growing. So, we’re taking a chance we’re already past the point of chemo helping, but the cancer docs feels that based on the imaging they already have, plus his symptoms/lack of symptoms it hasn’t spread beyond the pelvis (yet). She admits she could be wrong, early stage spread may not have any overt symptoms. But, again, if we keep waiting the odds of this sliding in unsalvageable go up.
> [@](#):
>
> The elephant hiding behind the drapes…if he hasn’t done so already, NOW is the time for end of life planning. My husband passed before we were able to make wills and write down final wishes, so I had to do a lot of guessing and second-guessing myself that I was doing what he would have wanted, not just with him but with any things that he might have wanted to go to specific friends or family members.
We’ve already had the discussion. I’m working on getting everything in writing but he has to be clear-headed enough to understand what’s going on and sign his name. I’m confident I know what he wants, but if it’s in writing then everyone will know it.
> [@](#):
>
> Think I saw a mention of immunotherapy- that stuff can be stupid expensive but most of the pharmaceutical companies making MABs (most immunotherapy drug names end in -mab) have some sort of access program making it far cheaper or even free.
Yes, well, I am hoping to start some sort of fund-raising if we get to that point…
Right now, I’m trying to be optimistic about the potential for the chemo to do some good. After all the throwing up and hair loss parts of it. Maybe by then we’ll have approval for a PET scan…
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### Author:  [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2017, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/123 "2017-01-19T11:38:44Z")
If you find someone to do some of your tasks (clean house for instance) I know there are several of us here who would be more than glad to fund that. And having us pay a third party should in no way be income for you. Just saying.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [January 19, 2017, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/124 "2017-01-19T13:18:26Z")
That’s a very generous offer and I certainly do have that notion in mind. As I said, I asked an old family friend who is a CPA to look into the rules regarding things like crowd-funding so what starts as a good deed doesn’t result in problems for anyone. If you don’t think that can happen google on terms like “crowd funding income tax problems”.
I don’t have to be at work until 10 am this morning, so I should be able to do some dishes, take care of the low tire on the car, get some laundry together so I can drop it off on my way in to work, and maybe buy a subway sub for lunch along the way, too.
Not sure when they’re planning to send him home. I’ll have to ask about that. Along with a half dozen other questions. I seem to be making a habit of leaving the nurse advocate a daily voice mail with one to a half dozen questions but that’s what she gets for being so darn helpful!
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2017, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/125 "2017-01-21T04:03:35Z")
Called my husband after I got off work: “How you feeling, honey?”
_::: in a growl :::_ “I feel like shit.”
Of course he did, today was his first chemotherapy treatment.
The doc said she was surprised at how healthy his kidneys were, given his medical history of urinary tract infections, kidney infections, and being a late-50’s diabetic. Guess keeping that blood sugar under strict control really paid off, huh? The upshot is that she felt he’d have no problems tolerating the strongest effective dose. Which sounds a lot like “You’re really healthy, we can poison you more!”, but not really.
He’s still in the hospital while they monitor him. The doc added anti-nausea meds to the mix and husband said that while he felt like shit and he had some stomach cramping he didn’t have any actual nausea or vomiting and was able to eat a little bit of his dinner.
Read the insurance company statement on charges for December. $28,000. That was for before we knew he had cancer, that’s between hospitalization and diagnosis. Wonder want January’s is going to look like?
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### Author:  [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2017, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/126 "2017-01-21T04:32:26Z")
Glad treatment is under way. It’s got to feel better to both of you that something is being done, something is moving forward. I hope his chemo doesn’t make him any worse than it is right now.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [January 21, 2017, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/127 "2017-01-21T23:44:57Z")
…here’s your chance
It’s a research project. Sure, I could do it myself, but I’m already overloaded.
**Here’s the problem:** it’s becoming obvious that between my husband’s health problems and my need for actual sleep in order to keep working and keep everything else together we’re going to need more than one bed in this house. But we don’t have a spare.
**The situation right now:** we have a broken-down couch we’ve talked about replacing but haven’t. I figure I can jettison the couch and get something couch-like that will double as a second place to sleep.
\*\*The research project: \*\* I need viable alternatives to the present couch. Not really fond of the traditional “sleeper sofa”, they never seem comfortable as beds, in fact, they are usually more comfortable to keep as a couch and sleep on that, so think of creative alternatives. Fold up dorm furniture, futon stuff, whatever. I do have a futon frame that folds up as a couch, but the futon died 25 or more years ago.
The price needs to be under $1,000, preferably under $500.
I live in Lake County, Indiana so any source in that county or adjacent counties would work. Having it delivered might be problematic (hardly anyone home these days) but might be managed. I would have to have the power to dictate the day of delivery as getting time off work for anything BUT something very directly related to the husband’s illness is near impossible right now and no, getting a couch/second bed doesn’t count (more’s the pity).
No Goodwill or second-hand stuff - I can not risk inheriting someone else’s bedbugs or other problem with the husband so sick.
My sister is sending money to cover the cost.
Any takers for this? It _would_ help.
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### Author:  [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/128 "2017-01-22T04:20:19Z")
Daybed? I found some on line but most of them come without the mattress (twin). I don’t know what stores are local to you but Ikea sells on Amazon as well as in their stores. The delivery issue is more difficult but if you found a local store maybe that would help. A couple of pictures of the kinds of things available [here](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Camelot-Daybed-BlackGold/11089341) and [here](http://www.westelm.com/products/6920722/?catalogId=71&sku=6920722&bnrid=3902401&cm_ven=Google_PLA&cm_cat=Shopping&cm_pla=Daybeds&cm_ite=AllProducts&kwid=productads-adid%5E153603528141-device%5Ec-plaid%5E75256203996-sku%5E6920722-adType%5EPLA&gclid=CMDUyaDx1NECFQqraQodmNwItg). Don’t know if this is any help. Probably this would be a more comfortable bed/less comfortable couch, vs. the sleeper sofa which is a more comfy couch/uncomfortable bed.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/129 "2017-01-22T11:59:21Z")
Hey, I knew about those but it didn’t occur to me - that might work!
Keep the suggestions coming.
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/130 "2017-01-22T12:41:31Z")
I’m with **KayT** , sofa beds, in my experience are both uncomfortable beds AND uncomfortable sofas! Get an actual bed and dress it as a sofa with a cover and lots of cushions, instead.
Because when you need it, it will actually serve you well as a comfortable bed. And that’s THE most important thing, in my mind.
Good Luck! Sending healing thoughts your way!
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### Author:  [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/131 "2017-01-22T16:10:40Z")
> [@elbows](#):
>
> I’m with **KayT** , sofa beds, in my experience are both uncomfortable beds AND uncomfortable sofas!
I find this true of a lot of couches. I have a sofa bed in the living room and it’s the most comfortable couch I’ve ever had. It’s all in the cushions. The bed is standard issue but I would throw my camping air mattress on it if I was using the fold out bed. It’s cheap and has a built in compressor.
I’ve got a futon in my office that is a more comfortable bed but doesn’t begin to compare to the couch cushions.
One alternative is a cheap futon with a 3" gel top. That would be $200 for the futon and $100-$150 for the gel top.
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### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/132 "2017-01-22T16:22:23Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> I do have a futon frame that folds up as a couch, but the futon died 25 or more years ago.
So get yourself another futon. I have something similar and the thing lives as a couch with the mattress folded in half. As a bonus, the kids loved unfolding the mattress and sliding down it.
Otherwise I concur with getting yourself a single bed and getting a padded back for it so you can use it as a sofa.
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### Author:  [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/133 "2017-01-22T16:52:08Z")
> [@kayT](#):
>
> Daybed? I found some on line but most of them come without the mattress (twin). I don’t know what stores are local to you but Ikea sells on Amazon as well as in their stores.
[Tons of affordable options at Ikea (we were just there last night).](http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/categories/departments/bedroom/19037/) If you have an appropriate vehicle, you can take it home that day. And some of the things classified as [sleeper sofas](http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/categories/departments/living_room/10663/) on their website are more like futons than the “traditional sofa with pullout bed” type (scroll down); maybe they’d be more comfortable. We were just there last night (for other reasons); lots of options. For that matter, some of the Ikea mattresses are more like futons; maybe they would work with your existing frame.
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### Author:  [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/134 "2017-01-22T19:36:40Z")
They aren’t the cheapest things in the world, but the Kvik sofas from Ikea are extremely comfortable. The back
Cushions can be removed, leaving lots of room to sleep. I used one as a bed for a couple of years.
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### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [January 22, 2017, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/135 "2017-01-22T20:20:54Z")
> [@Quartz](#):
>
> So get yourself another futon. I have something similar and the thing lives as a couch with the mattress folded in half. As a bonus, the kids loved unfolding the mattress and sliding down it.
Something else to consider: you could always get a sofa bed and an additional mattress.
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### Author:  [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2017, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/136 "2017-01-23T00:33:45Z")
If the futon base is still functional then a futon mattress would be the cheapest solution. IF it isn’t as comfortable as you would like then add a 3" gel foam topper. That’s a $200 to $300 option. The Gel foam will retain heat so it’s great in the Winter but I suspect will be a little warmer in the Summer.
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### Author:  [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2017, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/137 "2017-01-23T01:46:43Z")
Damn, **Broomstick** , I haven’t been here in a while and just read your thread. Hugs to you. I’m in NE Indiana so let me know if there’s anything I can do from this side of the state!
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### Author:  [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2017, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/138 "2017-01-23T03:56:56Z")
[Here’s another daybed.](http://www.worldmarket.com/product/indonesian-daybed-frame.do?&from=fn) A little less mass-produced in feel, and you can use any mattress.
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### Author:  [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2017, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/139 "2017-01-23T11:24:15Z")
That link takes me to a candle, **Eva Luna**. No place to put a mattress.😛
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### Author:  [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)
#### Post date: [January 23, 2017, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husband-has-bladder-cancer-sad-update/776524/140 "2017-01-23T12:09:17Z")
> [@kayT](#):
>
> That link takes me to a candle, **Eva Luna**. No place to put a mattress.😛
That’s bizarre - I didn’t even look at candles! [Let’s try that again.](http://www.worldmarket.com/product/indonesian-daybed-frame.do?&from=fn)
ETA; nope, that link still doesn’t work, and I don’t know how else to make it work. I swear, if you look on the World Market site under bedroom furniture/chaises and daybeds, there is something called “Indonesian daybed frame” on sale for $249.00.
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