I fully expected that she would ride his crotch. I just didn’t think it would last for over 20 minutes or include enough other stimulation that he would cum. Having an orgasm is so intensely personal that to have that occur with someone other than the person to whom you have committed the rest of your life to is hurtful. Being aroused by porn to the point where you cum is one thing, having simulated sex that includes getting to second base with a live human being is another thing altogether.
That is sort of what I was trying to convey. I know my husband would just be looking, if he went. The guys I dated in the past would do anything they could get away with! The stuff you described would piss me off to no end as well.
I’ve only been to a strip joint a couple times. Both times I had the feeling that those large men at the door would turn me into a paste if I got out of line with a dancer. OTOH if she went over to a guy and kissed him, that was ok…she decided what she was willing to do. I didn’t doubt that “other arrangements” might be made, but it probably varies from place to place.
@5-HT: a lap dance yeah, but 20 minutes can’t be standard, can it?
The OP has every right to be upset. Dry humping a stripper until you come is cheating. Her husband going back when it clearly hurts her feelings this much is a dick move. She’s NOT making too big a deal out of it. The bottom line is that her husband showed a lack of regard for her feelings. All the carefully lawyered argumnts in the world about why strip joints are perfectly wonderful places that a wife has no right to object to don’t mean a thing. You either care about your spouse’s feelings or you don’t.
The lap dance happened in a private room, arranged by husband’s friends. I’m not sure if anyone else was in there with them at the time.
The 20 minutes was a misunderstanding. He had received a standard one-song lap dance earlier that night without any of the aforementioned nastiness. The stripper thought that she basically had a blank check from husband’s friends and that they would just continue paying so long as husband wanted to continue receiving. Husband just thought stripper liked him a whole lot and kept going out of the generosity of her own crotch. (Yeah, sure honey.) He still thinks that she only offered to fuck him because she was attracted to him, not because of the money it was sure to have brought in.
Well, my strip club visiting phase only lasted a couple of months, but I believe lap dances are measured in songs, so that would be about 5 consecutive lap dances. Not at all out of the ordinary from what I remember, though pretty pricey I’d imagine.
As far as the “happy ending” goes, I never had that happen at a club myself, though I could see how it might. I was single the whole time I was going to strip clubs, so I’ll let others decide how out of bounds that is for someone who’s attached. I honestly don’t know what to think, I’ve known plenty of guys who have done way more than that at their bachelor parties. That doesn’t make it right though, and if I was the one getting married I think I would err on the side of caution.
i really already had my bachelor party anyways, it was called “my 20s”.
When a husband does something that has his wife at home crying unstoppably, he needs to think about more than how things look to his friends. I’m truly sorry for this, DoperChic - I think this is exactly as big a deal as you’re making it, because it’s obviously a big deal TO YOU, and that should make it a big deal TO YOUR HUSBAND. Nobody wants their feelings ignored; this isn’t about strip clubs, or your husband’s friends; this is about how you feel about your husband going to a strip club for a bachelor party, like the one where he did something you wish he hadn’t, and how your husband responds to your feelings (i.e. at this point, not really well). I agree with you that this is something you two really need to work out; he might think his bachelor party behaviour was no big deal, but it really was.
For the record, my husband does not have my permission to have other women’s nipples in his mouth, or have them grind him to climax, anywhere - not at work, not at their homes, and not at strip clubs. That would indeed be a breach of our fidelity agreement.
I disagree with you completely, but since I can’t see how we’re going to agree on this one so I’m not going to provide an exhaustive list of the reasons why I disagree with you.
But I will say that in this case, what the hell did DoperChic’s husband expect as a reaction when he told her what had happened? “Can I watch next time?” Not likely.
Sure, it’s great he’s being honest with his wife, but if it were me, I sure as hell wouldn’t be telling my wife-to-be about how I dry humped a stripper or sucked her breasts at a buck’s night (assuming I had done so, which I haven’t and don’t intend to). On the other hand, my wife and I clearly have different agreed boundaries than DoperChic and her husband so everyone else’s results may and probably do vary.
Thank you, featherlou. You brought up another big part of why this is hurting me so much - that he is putting his friends party above my feelings.
[Sidebar]This is totally unrelated to the thread, but what is that icon before the word “For” in your second paragraph. It reads as a box with three ovals and a line in it for me. I’ve seen it elsewhere on the boards and couldn’t figure it out. [/Sidebar]
I have an icon there? I can’t see it in Safari or Opera. Sorry, can’t help you with that. 
Just out of curiousity, how old is your husband?
Sorry babe, but as soon as your husband laid eyes on those awesome stripper titties, he lost all interest in you.
It’s true. It’s the Iron Law of Stripclubs.
Oh, and you know the thing about how there’s no sex in the champagne room? Total fabrication. Men started that rumor to get their wives off their back. The truth is, there IS sex in the champagne room. Lots of steamy, meaningful intercourse.
If a lap dance got him off, maybe you need to consider whether you’re providing for his needs as a man.
Huh. First troll sighting of the night. What took you so long?
it was pretty crappy trolling too. not subtle enough to effective in a classic trolling sense, nor over the top enough to be funny in an absurdist sort of way. a poor effort all around.
Gee, it sounds an awful lot like you’re trying to upset DoperChic here. :rolleyes: Knock it off.
Accusations of trolling are not allowed outside the Pit.
My wife is my only true peer. The wishes of anybody else except our son come a very distant second. That’s what marriage means.
I’m sorry, her husband is running off to strip clubs to dry hump the dancers, but she’s not failing as a wife at all? Okay.
Any woman who would get this hysterical over something as minor as visiting a strip club needs to get a grip. He’s a man, not a housecat.
There are lots of women I’d love to do hot, naked things with if they were agreeable to it. My desire to do hot, naked things with other women is no reflection on my wife, whom I love very much and enjoy a wonderful relationship with.
This.
I have no problem with strip clubs, and I am on record with my husband that he’s perfectly welcome to go to one if he wants to. (He hasn’t so far.)
But the whole “nipple in the mouth” thing, and the fact that he actually came, goes well over the line into cheating territory for most couples. (“Some Relationships May Vary.”) He obviously recognized that he went over that line that time, since he came home and confessed. To go again now is a douche move, as the most relaxed spouse in the world is going to have the possibility of being cheated on again floating in the back of their mind when confronted by an identical situation.
You’re blaming the victim and you’re ignoring what I said. I think you should stop doing both of those things.