# "My Husband's Other Wife," by Emily Yoffe **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 11, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541 "2011-05-11T17:41:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/1 "2011-05-11T17:41:35Z")
[A true story](http://www.slate.com/id/2292956/), sad, but wonderful in many ways. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/2 "2011-05-11T18:09:32Z")
I got tears in my eyes reading that. I wish I could have had a love like that. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/3 "2011-05-11T18:10:13Z")
I read this the first time around. Very touching and beautifully written, as always. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/4 "2011-05-11T18:58:16Z")
Weird. Sweet. But weird. ---
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/5 "2011-05-11T19:57:09Z")
I found the story to be touching, but I was a little weirded out by the subheading, “She died, so I could find the man I love.” Huh? THAT’S why she died? The first time I saw it, I read it as if first wife had inadvertently married the guy meant for the author, so Fate stepped in and killed her. I know that’s not what the author meant, but it sounded funny. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/6 "2011-05-11T20:43:45Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Weird. Sweet. But weird. The generosity of spirit shown by all four people in the story is perhaps, regrettably, unusual. Otherwise, how so? > [@DivineComedienne](#): > > I found the story to be touching, but I was a little weirded out by the subheading, “She died, so I could find the man I love.” Huh? THAT’S why she died? The first time I saw it, I read it as if first wife had inadvertently married the guy meant for the author, so Fate stepped in and killed her. I know that’s not what the author meant, but it sounded funny. Some commenters on that page were also struck by that. FWIW, the author said, > [@Emily Yoffe](#): > > As for the headline, no I didn’t write it, but when I first saw it, it didn’t jump out at me as being offensive. I understand the objection people are making, but I hope the piece makes clear I mourn Robin’s death and wish to honor her life. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/7 "2011-05-11T20:51:36Z")
I thought it was very moving. The degree to which all parties were able to accept what had happened was inspiring. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2011, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/8 "2011-05-11T20:57:23Z")
Very moving. I read her advice column on Slate every week. She’s no Dan Savage, but she usually is spot on with practical advice. ---
**Author:** ![toofs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@toofs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toofs)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/9 "2011-05-12T00:07:58Z")
Beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/10 "2011-05-12T00:57:19Z")
I was surprised at how much this touched me. What a sad and sweet story. Poor Robin. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/11 "2011-05-12T03:31:31Z")
My boyfriend and I both read this, and both teared up. I am the widowed person in our story, and he is my second love. It’s hard, and it is not what I ever, ever expected. I don’t understand how anyone got “weird” out of this article. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/12 "2011-05-12T04:56:40Z")
I must just be strange, because I’m not really getting the point of this story and didn’t find it particularly touching or anything. I could see if the author had known the first wife or if the daughter was really the daughter of the first wife, but as it is, I’m just kind of like, so what? And how on earth is it anything like the first wife is the daughter’s “other mom”? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/13 "2011-05-12T11:34:25Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > My boyfriend and I both read this, and both teared up. I am the widowed person in our story, and he is my second love. It’s hard, and it is not what I ever, ever expected. > > I don’t understand how anyone got “weird” out of this article. I am sorry for your loss. The writer sees herself almost as a placeholder for the original wife, that is what seems weird. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/14 "2011-05-12T14:34:42Z")
It’s a sweet story all right, but I didn’t tear up or anything. I guess I’m just jaded. I can understand why some here get a weird vibe from this vignette. Especially the line about “She died so I could find the man I love.” It’s kind of like the way I feel about World War II. World War II was an enormously horrible incalculable human tragedy, but if it hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be here. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/15 "2011-05-12T15:07:45Z")
I read that and actually made my wife sit to listen to parts of it, it struck me that much. I especially like that the late wife’s family gave her daughter a gift when she was born. Kind of re-defines “family”. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/16 "2011-05-12T16:02:27Z")
My wife was widowed. I am her second husband. …so I am going to read it and report back… ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/17 "2011-05-12T16:15:02Z")
That was good. I know I am the absolute love of my wife… but I live in the house she bought/built with her husband who died at 34 after a battle with lymphoma. She and I both have two children. Her first husband’s ashes/urn are in ther house. The children have pictures of him. His family is incredibly close to my wife… and they all came to our wedding… and we go on vacations together. Those two pages barely touch on all the things that go on in my head, my life and the day-to-day experience of it all. She always wondered how it felt for me… how I dealt with it. And one day I told her that I needed to get over this one fact above all others, and then I would be able to deal with it all: At the end of the day, when all is said and done. Despite the warmth her in-laws have given us, and how I am loved and accepted… at the end of the day… everybody wishes I wasn’t around. They all wish her first husband was alive and they wish he beat cancer. And I respect them for holding that wish AND embracing me. I never want Kristi’s first husband, Rob, to be forgotten or to ever want someone to not tell a story about him because I am there. So, I use his name, and when he comes up, I keep it all in perspective. Alright… I need to stop rambling… ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/18 "2011-05-14T03:08:21Z")
Philster, that was very moving, and honest, and thoughtful. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/19 "2011-05-14T16:53:11Z")
I rarely ever read others’ perspectives, so that felt good to read… to know someone else has a perspective – especially one that can be respected. Thanks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2011, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541/20 "2011-05-26T01:53:57Z")
I just ran across this thread again. **Philster** , your post started a good conversation here. Thanks for writing it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-husbands-other-wife-by-emily-yoffe/581541.md?page=2)