# My kid got hit at school. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 8, 2005, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517 "2005-03-08T11:01:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/21 "2005-03-08T13:31:20Z")
**Rune** actually my sig line is very appropriate. Had it been adults involved in the altercation, the one that punched the eyeglass wearer in the face would have been in grave trouble. Therefore, press the fullest charges against the assailant. The girl MIGHT get charges against her too, but it could be argued that she was trying to escape an assault, so “pushing past” them was not uncalled for. Punching someone who wears glasses in the face? That IS very uncalled for, and AFAIK, a prosecutable offense. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/22 "2005-03-08T13:34:08Z")
> [@hlanelee](#): > > When Carey Martin, the preacher’s son, blacked my eye in the first grade, just because he could, I learned a valuable lesson, that there are aggressive people in the world and we need to remain vigilant. It is essential that we learn how to deal with aggressors early and effectively (don’t go tell). When I got home, Dad teased me and it made me mad. He would tease me about getting my eye blacked by the preacher’s son as long as I could remember, it made me more assertive (not a p#ssy). It’s a “dog eat dog” world out there and the sooner we learn to stand up for ourselve, the better off we are. We learn some of our best lessons when life bites us on the ass. > > I’m curious, how do homeschooled children learn anything about the world? I suspect many of them are eatan alive when they try to get a job or find a companion or any of the things we have to leave home to do. When six other 11 year old boys thumped me (no visible bruises) and took my lunch money, I plucked up my courage to tell a teacher. He laughed at me, saying I should stand up for myself. The bullies realised what had happened and said if I told my parents or anyone else they would cripple me. I learned a valuable lesson - that bullying can make you miserable for years, lower your academic performance and wreck your social life. I’m curious - what do you expect an 11 year old boy (with glasses) to do against 6 others? Should I be more ‘assertive’? How do you suggest I ‘stand up for myself’? ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/23 "2005-03-08T13:35:58Z")
> [@Rune](#): > > But perhaps you’re also one of those who think tag, cartwheels & softball should be outlawed in the schoolyard?: Of course not- there’s a huge difference between accidentally getting hurt (eg. child throws a ball which accidentally hits another child) and outright cruelty (eg. two children hold a child down while another child kicks and punches him/her). It doesn’t matter if bullying is a one-time or ten-year long occurence. It shouldn’t be tolerated. It’s like saying that a parent abusing a child, for example whipping them with a belt, is okay if it only happens once or twice. I don’t think so. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/24 "2005-03-08T13:40:27Z")
I went through my share of this too. If I have any character I’m pretty sure that’s not where it came from. On the other hand, I’m fairly confident the torrent of abuse I suffered in grade seven explains a few things. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/25 "2005-03-08T13:42:19Z")
> [@glee](#): > > I think there is a world of difference between say upsetting a friend and bullying. I agree that we all need to learn how to cope with pain and not to inflict it on others. But your first post was abrupt, abrasive and sounded like you approved of violence. > In your ‘system’, does the first incident of bullying pass unnoticed? As a teacher, if a child nervously complains of being bullied, do you want me to say 'if it’s the first time, you’ve learnt a valuable lesson. Now go away."? > If I see a child hurting an animal, do I ignore it because it’s ‘essential to hurt others to grow up’? > You seem to have boundaries of ‘hurting others’ - shouldn’t you state them? > I accept that experiences like getting dirty, falling over and not getting picked for teams are useful. However I also believe that hurting others can lead to a violent anti-social adult. I was trying to sound unabrasive by not directly addressing the OP and putting the reply in a general tone, I see now I should have written “One does” instead of “you do”. I don’t have a system, I work on an ad-hoc basis. But on the whole schools (here in Denmark, and we’re nowhere near what I read about happening in the US, if that can be trusted) today report growing and real problems with overprotected children and nosey and overambitious parents that won’t ever give the children a moments peace or a fair chance to grow and learn themselves but will rid them with stress and all kinds of mental issues. ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/26 "2005-03-08T13:44:38Z")
**Rune** , are you trying to justify hurting people? I take it you were the bully, not the bullied. Like **Amazon Floozy Goddess** and **Marley23** , I have wounds that will never heal. I’ve managed to get through life in spite of, not because of, the playground fights and laughing teachers. No one should live in an environment when they’re physically threatened. We should be past all that, shouldn’t we? **ggurl** , 12 is middle school age, I think? That’s just a bad time of life, in general. Most schools aren’t equipped to deal with the haphazard maturation processes of hormonal kids. High school is probably a better time to integrate. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/27 "2005-03-08T13:48:33Z")
> [@ggurl](#): > > Today I will talk to the principal. I’m not sure what to do beyond having the school assign a teacher to make sure little miss stays close. I don’t think she will voluntarily stay near teachers at recess for a minute. She’s 12. If she can’t be bothered to stay within sight of a teacher after this incident, then she is choosing to risk another one. She’s old enough to understand the consequences of her actions, and old enough to be responsible for her actions. Tell her to stay near, and let that be her part of the bargain. I don’t think there’s a problem whatsoever with informing the principal, getting this down on record, so that action can be taken as per school rules. However, taking a teacher off of their normal recess duty to shadow your child, because she won’t stay in sight voluntarily, is ridiculous. And why is punching someone with glasses somehow a worse offence than punching someone who wears contact lenses? Do they not bleed as well? Before the _anecdoti_ come in with tragic personal examples of bullying… we don’t have any information that this is, or is likely to become, a pattern of bullying. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/28 "2005-03-08T13:54:24Z")
No, your child _hit somebody_ at school. Then your child got hit BACK. Your OP title is misleading. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/29 "2005-03-08T13:56:52Z")
I suspect that people who look back and blame bullying for years of damage to their academic career or self-esteem, would have very easily been able to find something else to blame for it if they hadn’t been bullied. _No one paid attention to me._ _Teacher didn’t like me._ _I got left out of a birthday party in 3rd grade._ _I got picked last in gym class._ ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/30 "2005-03-08T14:00:03Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > Total overreaction by the OP, especially considering, from the sounds of it, like she pushed a kid first. A girl felt threatened by a group of boys. She pushed a boy in an effort to get away from them. One boy hit the girl. He didn’t just hit her, he punched her in the face. That is **not** “kids will be kids”. That is assault. As **zabali** said, if this happened between adults, the police would be involved, no question. But this is kids, so of course it’s the girl’s fault. :rolleyes: **Cheesesteak** , the reason it’s worse because the OP’s daughter wears glasses is that the glasses were damaged. They cost money. That’s **ggurl** ’s property. His family should pay to have them fixed. **Happy** , the OPs kid didn’t **HIT** a kid. She **pushed** him in an attempt to get away. **What the fuck else was she supposed to do?!** ---
**Author:** ![hildea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ebca7d/32.png) [@hildea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hildea)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/31 "2005-03-08T14:01:22Z")
- scratches head \* A child has been hit by another child _once_? And people are talking about _police_? Am I being whooshed here? Systematic, long term abouse is extremely serious, of course. But this is _one_ incident, right? How does a single fight turn into a “bizarre culture of violence”? > [@ggurl](#): > > And yes, I know fully well that my daughter made first physical contact, which was extremely wrong. _Extremely_ wrong? I’ll agree with “wrong”. As a parent, I do know the dilemma over how to raise children as neither bullies nor doormats. I try to teach them that fighting is always a bad reaction to a conflict, but I’m realistic and honest enough to tell them that sometimes there are no good solutions available. > [@](#): > > She didn’t tell a teacher and tried to hide it from me, even. This one would worry me. I’d expect a child who’d gotten hurt to go to a grown up – for band aid and sympathy, if nothing else. I do agree that a single fight shouldn’t be “tolerated” in the sense that it shouldn’t be ignored. Some kind of (mild) punishment for all kids involved in the fight would be a good thing – making them spend a recess picking garbage or something. Out of curiosity: What kind of punishment do you (plural “you” here, not asking just **ggurl** ) think the children should get, assuming this is a one-time thing? ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/32 "2005-03-08T14:03:26Z")
> [@hildea](#): > > - scratches head \* > A child has been hit by another child _once_? And people are talking about _police_? Am I being whooshed here? **hildea** , what would you do if a co-worker punched you in the face? ---
**Author:** ![AmericanMaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@AmericanMaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmericanMaid)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/33 "2005-03-08T14:08:14Z")
Maybe the best way to look at bullying is that it’s a cry for help. The bully who picked on me for years came from a broken family. I don’t blame him for my difficulties. I mainly feel sorry for him growing up in a poor, abusive, alcoholic family and that the only way he could feel good about himself is to harrass a girl to gain acceptance from his peers. I expect to see him running a gas station back in my hometown. Running to mommy or talking to teachers didn’t help my situation. The key is just to wait it out and survive. Eventually, people grow up and you can live your life. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/34 "2005-03-08T14:17:07Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > **Rune** actually my sig line is very appropriate. Had it been adults involved in the altercation, the one that punched the eyeglass wearer in the face would have been in grave trouble. Therefore, press the fullest charges against the assailant. The girl MIGHT get charges against her too, but it could be argued that she was trying to escape an assault, so “pushing past” them was not uncalled for. Punching someone who wears glasses in the face? That IS very uncalled for, and AFAIK, a prosecutable offense. You wanna call in the cops and throw the book at a 12 year old boy for a bit of a schoolyard ruffle, put him in the slammer?! Oh man. I take it all back. Anti-Americanism is based on solid facts. You yanks really are crazy. > [@Rysler](#): > > Rune, are you trying to justify hurting people? Absolutely! I believe we should pick out two or three innocent babes at first day of school and set them aside for torture throughout their school years. Either that or you have grave reading difficulties. ---
**Author:** ![hildea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ebca7d/32.png) [@hildea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hildea)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/35 "2005-03-08T14:23:38Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > hildea, what would you do if a co-worker punched you in the face? For a start, I’d be extremely surprised. I’ve never, ever heard of someone getting into a physical fight at my workplace. And yes, I’d go to the police, unless there was some extreme, weird circumstance, such as a seizure or something. But children and grown ups are different from each other. Children don’t have a fully developed judgement – that’s why there’s a minimum age for things like voting, having sex, and being prosecuted by the law. (There _is_ such an age limit in US, right? In Norway, it’s 15.) Two days ago, two nine-year-old guests in my house were screaming, crying, and hitting each other because of a conflict over access to limited resources (a beyblade, to be specific). Grown ups don’t, in my experience, act that way. They are _different_. > [@Rune](#): > > Absolutely! I believe we should pick out two or three innocent babes at first day of school and set them aside for torture throughout their school years. Either that or you have grave reading difficulties. Rune, there are times I see you as a damn far right hestkuk, but when reading posts like these, I _really_ like you 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/36 "2005-03-08T14:23:54Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > **Rune** actually my sig line is very appropriate. Had it been adults involved in the altercation, the one that punched the eyeglass wearer in the face would have been in grave trouble. Therefore, press the fullest charges against the assailant. For future reference, the word “therefore” typically follows a string of arguments, and indicates a logical conclusion based on those arguments is forthcoming. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/37 "2005-03-08T14:27:53Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > **hildea** , what would you do if a co-worker punched you in the face? If my co-worker was 12 years old, I’d get him grounded. If my co-worker was an adult, I’d get him fired, and maybe call the police. The point is not that the behavior is acceptable, but that these are children who are learning how to be adults. Bad behavior in children is usually correctable by parenting, not by arresting. That should be the way you first try and deal with it, the police should be the LAST people called, when all else has failed. I agree that his family should pay for repairs on the glasses. But, in the grand scheme, a punched face is a much bigger deal than broken glasses. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/38 "2005-03-08T14:33:39Z")
> [@hildea](#): > > - scratches head \* > A child has been hit by another child _once_? And people are talking about _police_? Am I being whooshed here? So does everyone that you come into contact with have a free pass to hit you? I mean, if it’s only _once_? ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/39 "2005-03-08T14:37:38Z")
> [@hildea](#): > > For a start, I’d be extremely surprised. I’ve never, ever heard of someone getting into a physical fight at my workplace. And yes, I’d go to the police, unless there was some extreme, weird circumstance, such as a seizure or something. So you’d go to the police if someone hit you - even though it was only once? But anyone under 18 is on their own and should just have to take it? But children and grown ups are different from each other. Children don’t have a fully developed judgement – [/QUOTE] Then how you do propose to teach children to have a fully developed judgement if you don’t teach them the consequences of their actions. 12 years old is plenty old enough to learn that “you don’t hit people”. Hell, I learned that one in pre-school. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2005, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/40 "2005-03-08T14:38:22Z")
I’m sorry **ggurl** but I’m a little confused. While I don’t think physical violence is ever the answer and I’m certainly not trying to justify anyone hitting your daughter, didn’t she initiate the action by shoving the other kid in the first place? He just didn’t t come up and start beating on her, did he? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517.md?page=3)