# My kid got hit at school. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 8, 2005, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517 "2005-03-08T11:01:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/141 "2005-03-10T01:02:17Z")
> [@Carnick](#): > > The fact was that she pushed first, making HER the bully in my eyes. Also, I don’t see any equivalency between pushing past someone to get away from them and punching someone in the face hard enough that her glasses get broken. Help me out here. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/142 "2005-03-10T01:26:29Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > Also, I don’t see any equivalency between pushing past someone to get away from them and punching someone in the face hard enough that her glasses get broken. Help me out here. 😕 Depends on what kind of push it was, since the OP didn’t specify. Was it a nudge to the shoulder or a full bodied shove to the ground? If it was the latter, the boy might of had to defend himself fearing further assault. ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/143 "2005-03-10T01:34:31Z")
Oh, and I’m not discussing this any more since we’re now in hypotheticals. The OP left out some vital information, and I made a judgement call which turned out to be wrong. I retract what I said in my first reply, and that’s the end of it. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/144 "2005-03-10T01:42:55Z")
> [@Carnick](#): > > Oh, and I’m not discussing this any more since we’re now in hypotheticals. The OP left out some vital information, and I made a judgement call which turned out to be wrong. I retract what I said in my first reply, and that’s the end of it. I don’t agree that we are in hypotheticals. You drew your conclusion (later retracted) that the girl was a “brat” from the OP. You say yourself that we don’t know what kind of push it was. And yet you were ready to assume the worst. I still don’t see how the OP makes the girl look like a “brat”. ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/145 "2005-03-10T02:25:26Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > I don’t agree that we are in hypotheticals. You’re asking me to ignore information I wasn’t aware of when I made my first reply. I cannot pretend I never read ggurl’s clarification post, which makes it impossible for me to defend my first reply. I admitted I was wrong, what more do you want? ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/146 "2005-03-10T02:49:24Z")
> [@Carnick](#): > > You’re asking me to ignore information I wasn’t aware of when I made my first reply. I cannot pretend I never read ggurl’s clarification post, which makes it impossible for me to defend my first reply. I admitted I was wrong, what more do you want? You admitted you were wrong after you received additional information. What bothers me is that you called the kid a “brat” and even a “bully” based on the OP. You even tried to give the analogy of using your wheelchair to ram people without provocation. You were content to “call bullshit” and to assume that since the mother was “emotional”, the boy had been minding his own business and the the girl pushed him for no reason. I don’t see how the additional information really changes the situation. I guess what I want to know is why you have trouble believing that a girl could be surrounded by a group of bullies on the playground. Come on, we’re talking about 12-year-olds. Kids can be _nasty_ during the middle school years. _brrr_ ---
**Author:** ![Sancho\_Panzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Sancho\_Panzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sancho_Panzer)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/147 "2005-03-10T03:27:02Z")
> [@Zabali\_Clawbane](#): > > What if they break the frames and send the edge of the lens into the eye, or a part of the frame? 12 year olds CAN strike hard enough and fast enough to break a construction, sending parts into the eye region. You’re too busy sneering and trying to pick apart my statement to see it though. :rolleyes: … Geez, **Zabaldi** , you seem to be getting overly worked up about this. The girl got popped after shoving the kid. It’s not as if the kid was staring at her while spewing green semen or anything. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/148 "2005-03-10T03:28:21Z")
> [@](#): > > **Yeticus Rex** said: > Catsix, that was a runaway train that roared through here about 20 years ago…and it won’t be slowing down anytime soon. If you believe you cannot change something, you are almost definitely right. ---
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/149 "2005-03-10T06:59:31Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > You admitted you were wrong after you received additional information. What bothers me is that you called the kid a “brat” and even a “bully” based on the OP. You even tried to give the analogy of using your wheelchair to ram people without provocation. You were content to “call bullshit” and to assume that since the mother was “emotional”, the boy had been minding his own business and the the girl pushed him for no reason. > > I don’t see how the additional information really changes the situation. > > I guess what I want to know is why you have trouble believing that a girl could be surrounded by a group of bullies on the playground. Come on, we’re talking about 12-year-olds. Kids can be _nasty_ during the middle school years. _brrr_ That wheelchair analogy was made by someone else, not me. Now stop picking on me ya big bully. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/150 "2005-03-10T17:11:23Z")
> [@catsix](#): > > If you believe you cannot change something, you are almost definitely right. Touche. Guilty as charged. I could go and try to change the system and in turn, give up working on other things that are more important to me, or I can teach my kids to adapt to the crappy system and still survive it relatively intact. I chose the latter. ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/151 "2005-03-10T17:17:48Z")
And if that is the choice you made, that is fine. Others are free to make different choices and try to change the system. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/152 "2005-03-10T17:23:42Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > Touche. Guilty as charged. I could go and try to change the system and in turn, give up working on other things that are more important to me, or I can teach my kids to adapt to the crappy system and still survive it relatively intact. I chose the latter. This post made me think that teaching kids to be adaptable and being able to work with priorities is the most important thing in education. I don’t see how it is inconsistant or contrary to those that want to change the system though. I would be against them though if I felt that their goals would hinder the goal of adaptability. Personally I don’t think it is a battle that can be won. Its like trying to stop a train with a spit-ball. Of course, I honestly respect those that fight a battle even knowing they cannot win. Very noble. ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/153 "2005-03-10T18:23:47Z")
My original reaction was WTF!? a kid gets hit and everyone hits the roof? I was unaware of the Asperbergers. All my friends and I were friends because we weren’t in the ‘in’ crowd and were therefore subjected to bullying. While few of us were physically attacked, those of us that were came out on top because the bully’s friends usually don’t condone bullying and the school system sure didn’t back in my day. _None_ of us committed suicide, became mental cases, etc. We grew up and went on with our lives. People who are still bitter about chilhood bullying, IMHO need to grow the hell up and get over it. (aside to the rape victim above, I am not rereading 4 pages to find out who you were, I consider that _far_ beyond bullying and therefore exclude you from this remark) If you are 10 or 20 years removed from bullying and are still letting it affect your everyday life, then you have ceded your existence to someone who has probably forgotten about you. I am sick of hearing everyone blame everything on trauma in their childhood! ARRRGH!!! But…there is a caveat to all that when you consider the social disorder (is that the right term?) that may make it impossible for the girl to understand other people’s behavior. Also in my school was a ‘mainstreaming’ program where they took the brighter students from the school for the mentally disabled and threw them to the wolves…err…umm…public high schools. In theory, the mainstreamed learned how to function in the real world and the ‘regular’ kids developed an appreciation for the mentally disabled. In actuality…the program was quickly cancelled because the mainstreamed kids were too easy as marks for teasing (though not physicaly attacks AFAIK) and could not adhere to simple social ‘rules’ without constant coaching. \ So… **ggurl** , please consider a school that meets your daughter’s needs more than the public school if her current school isn’t. There is a differenc between bullying and outright victimization of a child who may not completely understand how her actions and reactions cause other people’s actions and reactions. Is there a way she can get a more supervised recess? Play in the gym with a small group of other students? Play on a part of the playground with restricted access? I apologize for my initial reaction, as your OP didn’t mention all the details. Good luck with however you handle it. \ Stupid freakin’ culture of victims who can’t get over a stupid freakin’ papercut that a stupid freakin’ freak accidentally gave them in the stupid freakin preschool Christmas pageant! ---
**Author:** ![tisiphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tisiphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tisiphone)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/154 "2005-03-10T18:25:33Z")
> [@Epimetheus](#): > > Eh? Oh, Americas Contact and Eyeglasses is just a pretty common retail eyewear place. They have IME the cheapest frames and eyewear and free eye exams with certain programs. You don’t have Canadas C&E? 😉 I really don’t mean to continue this side hijack, but I cannot resist. Check the location tag. 😉 The Arctic is administered differently than the rest of Canada - we are federally regulated territories as opposed to provinces, with provincial regulations. We got our first version of what you refer to what, six, seven years ago? Up till then there was one (1) single solitary place in the entire Yukon to get your glasses, and they weren’t cheap. Even Welfare only bought you one pair of glasses every X years. Far as I know, that’s never changed. Even now, we still have only two places we can go to get our eyes. But hey, at least our choices have doubled… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tripthicket](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripthicket/32/297_2.png) [@tripthicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tripthicket)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/155 "2005-03-10T23:13:35Z")
> [@xbuckeye](#): > > I am sick of hearing everyone blame everything on trauma in their childhood! You should rest a bit. Wouldn’t do to throw your back out whilst swingin’ that broad brush. Admittedly, the above was taken out of context, but I feel your condemnation was far too general. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/156 "2005-03-11T01:20:12Z")
> [@Epimetheus](#): > > Oh please. How stupid can you get? I don’t even think glasses now a days are made with glass, but plastic. Even those that are made of glass are shatterproof. They don’t fragment when they break, they hold together. The sheer stupidity of suggesting a 12 year old can strike hard enough and fast enough to shatter eyeglasses and send pieces in the eye is overwhelming. Did you even think this through before you opened your fat mouth? I think the only thing your eyes would have to watch out for is pieces of shattered toenail as your foot strikes your teeth. Maybe the lenses won’t shatter, but the frames will break. When they do break, they cut the nose and face very nicely. Been there, done that. ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/157 "2005-03-11T01:34:18Z")
> [@Yeticus Rex](#): > > What did we learn? Throwing a punch, even if it’s retaliatory, is not considered “defending yourself”, it is still considered aggressive behavior. Teach your kids how to block punches and kicks is considered defending yourself. I too, advocate that kids learn **karate or judo** so they can defend themselves and not get injured in the process, and also learn what the difference between defense and retaliation. > > Retaliation is never considered as a form of defense…the sooner you know that, the better off you are…whether you are a kid at school or an employee at work, or out and about in public. Adapt to the rules I say. I know where **Rune** was coming from. Bolding mine. Karate, tae kwon do and kung fu are all “striking” arts. They are about punching and kicking (and gouging and dislocating and smashing). Even many of the purely defensive blocks are done very forcefully and can be used as an attack. Judo and jiu jitsu are the throwing arts - imagine slamming someone down real hard onto cement (ouch). That said, in my own experience, sometimes retaliation was the only defense. I learned that if you give it right back to the bully, in kind (with a little extra), then they will look for easier targets. A bully will pick on you. If you only face him down, then in his mind you have to pay for making him look bad. But, if he fears very real harm, he will back away. There is only one rule - No Witnesses. ---
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/158 "2005-03-11T01:45:30Z")
> [@tripthicket](#): > > Obviously, I was the target of bullying as a child. I never really dealt with it adequately, never got over it, so I’ve been dragging that crap around until I’m now 5 times as old as I was then. 80% of your life is a long time to be screwed up in the head about something without doing something about it. So where’s the failure? Who’s to blame for me being the way I am today? > > Well, me, of course. I recognize that on an intellectual level. The animal part of my brain, however, still occasionally lets surface the boiling anger and searing humiliation I felt back then. If it hadn’t been bullying, maybe I’d’ve latched onto something else that I would cling to desperately and relentlessly as a scapegoat for my own failure to progress. I dunno. > > I’ve never had children, so I’m not going to presume to give advice to someone who does. As someone who’s been where the OP’s daughter seems to be, I think the only thing I can say is support her as best you can as she finds her own way to deal with it. And do encourage her to do just that, despite the bumps and false steps she will encounter along the way. > > I still feel impotent almost 40 years later, and **I’ve allowed that to shape a major part of my personality.** I don’t want that to happen to anyone else. In a perfect world, there would be no bullies. In this world, maybe the best we can hope for is that we can **learn to deal with them and not let hatred, fear and anger fester and poison us.** Thanks for perfectly illustrating my point. Seriously…was anyone here _never_ bullied once? If you are an adult that still has uncontrollable emotional reactions to something that happened to you on a school playground long, long ago…the problem isn’t that you were bullied the problem is that you have a mental issue. Maybe you should seek counseling or medication or both. And I know that sounds rude…but I can’t think of a way to sugar coat it, and this is the pit. As I mentioned in my first post, there are exceptions for heinous attacks, ie. rape, but getting teased, taunted, pigtails dipped in the inkwells, punched in the nose? A thousand :rolleyes: upon your house! And I will start taking your advice one you start following it yourself. You know that you are reacting inappropriately and you don’t take any measures to correct that and take some responsibility for you reactions? Grow the hell up. ---
**Author:** ![tripthicket](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripthicket/32/297_2.png) [@tripthicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tripthicket)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/159 "2005-03-11T02:32:37Z")
I believe my earlier statement to **xbuckeye** was perhaps snarkier than was appropriate. I will offer that my posts likely included only those personal details that I thought pertinent to the point I was trying to make (or whatever I was doing), and so I concede that I could have been and likely was easily misunderstood. Having said that, I find I have no desire to make myself understood, since there’s no need to get into a who’s-right-and-who’s-wrong discussion, at least as far as discussion of myself is concerned. I apologize for the hijack, and for maligning **xbuckeye**. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517/160 "2005-03-11T02:41:54Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > Maybe the lenses won’t shatter, but the frames will break. When they do break, they cut the nose and face very nicely. Been there, done that. Yeah, I admitted that is a possiblity and wasn’t arguing against that. Only the idea that a 12 year old could shatter prescription eyeglass with a punch and send shards into the girls eyes. That is all I am saying. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kid-got-hit-at-school/293517.md?page=9)