# My kid's mother is a sociopath **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2006, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991 "2006-06-01T06:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/21 "2006-06-01T14:30:10Z")
The bank is very much on the hook for their own fuckup. They may try to deny wrongdoing, but they have a paper trail with which they can hang themselves. > [@OtakuLoki](#): > > the local US Rep for my upstate NY district (Louise Slaughter, D) I’m so glad things worked out for her. Back in the early 70s, she and my mother decided to go into politics together. My mother did miserably. Slaughter did great. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_Stimulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Digital\_Stimulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_Stimulus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/22 "2006-06-01T15:00:28Z")
If he can stand the situation, it sounds like this is story deserving of the local news. Imagine the public uproar… ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/23 "2006-06-01T15:02:11Z")
> [@Waverly](#): > > That’s a legal opinion, and I’d suggest that the police aren’t qualified to give one. I’d pursue the charges with a CO. I was wondering about that. I don’t believe that he can’t press charges. Perhaps he should talk to the district attorney? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/24 "2006-06-01T15:04:00Z")
> [@Digital Stimulus](#): > > If he can stand the situation, it sounds like this is story deserving of the local news. Imagine the public uproar… Oh man, that’s like cutting off your head to treat a headache. For the love of all that’s loveable, don’t go that route. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/25 "2006-06-01T15:11:37Z")
> [@Dewey Finn](#): > > I was wondering about that. I don’t believe that he can’t press charges. Perhaps he should talk to the district attorney? At the very least, passing a bad check (which is what the mother did) is certainly a crime. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/26 "2006-06-01T15:13:16Z")
> [@Excalibre](#): > > I’m pretty sure there’s some moral reason why it would be wrong to beat her to death with a board with nails in it, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what it is. I think it’s something along the lines of “Thou shalt not kill,” but I feel certain that we could petition the court for an exemption in this case. I don’t think nails are enough, actually. Can we use spikes adulterated with botulin? Hypothetically speaking, of course; in reality, the one venue of legal recourse I can see is the fact that she issued checks in reimbursement (indicating culpability with regard to the action in question) and then cancelled payment on them (presumably) without cause. I’d view this as flighting bad checks and I suspect a good lawyer could make a case not only for the stolen money but all damages and expenses occured in recovery thereof. I don’t know if your son is eligible, but you might start by checking with [Armed Forces Legal Assistance](http://legalassistance.law.af.mil/content/afla.php?view=faqs). I went through a very similar circumstance; owing to the fact that I was a minor and my mother was a co-holder of the account and never admitted to any guilt in the matter, there was nothing I could do about it. Thousands of dollars, saved from when I was a wee lad and contributed by the grandparents for college tuition, all gone. No, a board–even one with nails–isn’t good enough. Anyway, good luck with any efforts to recover the money. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/27 "2006-06-01T16:04:34Z")
Thre’ve been a lot of alarming stories posted on the dope, but I think this one wins. Jesus christ, what a monster! My sincere sympathies. let me add my voice to the chorus urging you to get a competent lawyer. Don’t just take the cop’s word on this. Sorry to hear about your experience too, **Stranger**. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/28 "2006-06-01T16:11:02Z")
Definitely keep after the police or the sheriff’s office. Even if they’re so pigheaded that they won’t file charges for the theft of the money, have him make a complaint for identity theft. She used his financial institution account number to harm or defraud another, which in my jurisdiction gets you between 6 and 24 months in a state jail. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/29 "2006-06-01T18:49:29Z")
If the police will not help, perhaps you could try the district attorney’s office directly. They’re the ones that actually institute charges, not the police. It might help if they were contacted by a lawyer. You might also try the state Attorney General’s office ( [http://www.oag.state.ny.us/](http://www.oag.state.ny.us/) ). It may not be directly in Spitzer’s jurisdiction (though it might if it involved the NY National Guard), but he can assert pressure (and since he is running for Govenor, he is always looking for good publicity, particularly upstate). Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/30 "2006-06-01T19:52:16Z")
[QUOTE=Kentammy] He has opened a second account (different bank) and placed a request with the military that they re-route his money to the new account, but he was told that the request would take several months to clear the necessary channels and it has indeed been several months with the money still going into the old account. [/QUOTE] 😕 Even if the military is so lame they can’t switch from direct deposit to plain old checks immediately, can’t your son close the damn account? The bank can certainly close it right away. Then, he might not get it for months, but at least while the National Guard tried to figure out what was going on, it would be “in escrow,” in effect, without her having access. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/31 "2006-06-01T19:55:38Z")
> [@Kentammy](#): > > I want to \*\*\*\* this bitch!! Isn’t that what started all the trouble 18+ years ago? Seriously, good luck to your son, and what a horrible mother. ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/32 "2006-06-01T20:00:24Z")
[QUOTE=Kentammy] The police say that he cannot press charges because he has already accepted repayment terms. Unbelievable. [/QUOTE] It seems to me (no lawyer, admittedly) that his mother withdrew her offer to repay him by stopping payment on the checks. ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/33 "2006-06-01T21:11:57Z")
That happened to me too…my parent wasn’t crazy, but did feel arbitrarily entitled to a very large portion (more than twice your son’s, I think) of my money from my bank account, and took it, spent it, has nothing to show for it, and had the nerve to ask me for rent on top of it. I’m too chickenshit-family-oriented (for now) to do anything about it but what i have (move out and make sure none of the rest of my money is available). But my advice is to do not as I have done - clinch this. Or help your son do it. He definitely needs a lawyer. Plus I believe he can press charges as the repayment terms he agreed upon have not been honored. He does appear to have you on his side, though, so that’s something. Help him how you can. ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/34 "2006-06-01T23:31:53Z")
[QUOTE=Viridiana] That happened to me too…my parent wasn’t crazy, but did feel arbitrarily entitled to a very large portion (more than twice your son’s, I think) of my money from my bank account, and took it, spent it, has nothing to show for it, and had the nerve to ask me for rent on top of it. I’m too chickenshit-family-oriented (for now) to do anything about it but what i have (move out and make sure none of the rest of my money is available). But my advice is to do not as I have done - clinch this. Or help your son do it. He definitely needs a lawyer. Plus I believe he can press charges as the repayment terms he agreed upon have not been honored. He does appear to have you on his side, though, so that’s something. Help him how you can. [/QUOTE] Sounds like you were an adult living rent free with a parent while socking money away. For how long? Perhaps that was the reason your parent felt entitled. This kid was on an army base while his Mom was taking his money. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/35 "2006-06-01T23:37:16Z")
[QUOTE=cosmosdan] Sounds like you were an adult living rent free with a parent while socking money away. For how long? Perhaps that was the reason your parent felt entitled. This kid was on an army base while his Mom was taking his money. [/QUOTE] :rolleyes: Yeah, helping yourself to your kid’s bank account without asking is cool, right? And maybe you missed the part you quoted where it said she was paying rent. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/36 "2006-06-01T23:50:29Z")
[QUOTE=MsRobyn] If she’s willing to lie to her own son, she’s willing to lie to the bank. [/quote] Then the bank is accountable for dispensing funds without authorization. That’s very bad mojo. > [@](#): > > She may also have had power of attorney to act in his behalf, even though she may not have been on the account as a joint owner. Then the bank is in the clear, if that’s the case. And the mom is probably, sadly, in the clear too. > [@](#): > > Your son needs a lawyer ASAP. I know it’s a stressful situation, but he needs to get it resolved, and a lawyer can give him all the options. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2006, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/37 "2006-06-01T23:55:15Z")
[QUOTE=Kentammy] From what I understand, she simply contacted the bank and stated that he was at basic training, had told her he lost his ATM card, and asked that she call and request a new one for him. When she said she was his mother, that’s all they seemed to need. [/quote] That bank’s on the skids! One definitely needs more than that to muck around with someone’s bank account. > [@](#): > > He has opened a second account (different bank) and placed a request with the military that they re-route his money to the new account, but he was told that the request would take several months to clear the necessary channels and it has indeed been several months with the money still going into the old account. Good on him and bad on the lame pay clerk. It doesn’t take several months for a change in direct deposit to process. It takes less than two weeks nowadays. There’s no necessary channels. It’s a one stop shop: you can either submit the 1199 at the bank or at the pay office. > [@](#): > > I should probably sit down with him on the computer and check his credit history, as she has all of his necessary info to apply for credit accounts in his name. That’s an excellent idea! ---
**Author:** ![Viridiana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Viridiana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viridiana)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2006, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/38 "2006-06-02T00:08:57Z")
[QUOTE=Excalibre] :rolleyes: Yeah, helping yourself to your kid’s bank account without asking is cool, right? And maybe you missed the part you quoted where it said she was paying rent. [/QUOTE] Thanks for pointing that out. And indeed, I was pulling my own weight, paying for my own ass, and had asked for absolutely nothing since I entered high school, and it wasn’t money I was ‘stockpiling.’ Some people need to be less presumptuous, and less assholish at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2006, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/39 "2006-06-02T00:34:29Z")
How awful for your son. My husband had a similar (but smaller scale) occurance with his manic-depressive mother so I think I have an inkling as to how you are feeling right now. IANA lawyer and so have no advice to give, but the suggestion to get some legal advice sounds good. How is your son bearing up with this? ---
**Author:** ![nanny432](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/df705f/32.png) [@nanny432](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nanny432)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2006, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991/40 "2006-06-02T00:37:53Z")
This woman is a sociopath: When is this rEdiculous story going to get off the news!!! [QUOTE=Kentammy] My son’s mother is a sociopath. Here’s the story; My son, during his junior year in high school, enlisted in the Army National Guard. During the summer break between his junior and senior year, he went off to basic training at Fort Knox in Kentucky (his first time away from home). Before leaving, he set up a savings account so that the military could wire him his pay via direct deposit. While he was at basic, his mother called his bank and reported his ATM card lost, and requested that a new one be sent to her address. The card came about 10 days later, followed by the new PIN number in a separate mailing. She then proceeded to steal _every last dime_ of his military pay!! I’m talking about all of it…his basic training pay, his sign-on bonus… everything! When he came home and discovered all his money gone (thousands of dollars), she suggested that it was either a bank mix-up, or a military mix-up. She sat back and allowed him to chase this lie for months, getting many people at the bank and the military involved in trying to track down his money. Naturally, they did not find any accounting errors. It gets worse… I suggest that he report it as a theft to the police (I suspect her, but don’t want to make any accusations about his mother for his sake). When he brings the forms home and asks his mother to help him fill them out, she gets scared and confesses. He is blown away! She promises to pay him back, and writes him a couple of checks for about half the amount. He deposits them, then withdraws the cash immediately because he doesn’t trust her now. _She stops payment on the checks!!!_ Now my son, 18 years old and just getting started, owes his bank several thousand dollars! He is, understandably, furious, and expresses as much. She calls the police and tells them that he’s lost his mind…that she needs to be protected from him. He almost gets arrested! Then she kicks him out of her house…throws all his stuff out into the driveway. I want to \*\*\*\* this bitch!! The police say that he cannot press charges because he has already accepted repayment terms. Unbelievable. Everyone I’ve talked to, police included, agree that he has been greatly wronged. The psychological effects alone are devastating. But the kid cannot get any vindication…he’s got no one on his side, and that makes me so fucking angry. Ironically, this bitch currently works as a home health aid (after eight years on welfare), and is in charge of the financial matters of several seniors who use her agency. One of them has already reported shortages in his bank account. She was investigated, but insisted that this particular senior had Alzheimer’s…_and they believed her!!!_ She got away with that one too. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to see this nut get what she deserves. Forgive me, but I can honestly say that I would rejoice in her demise. I mean, it’s clear that I can’t stand her, but my son did nothing to deserve what she did to him. [/QUOTE] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kids-mother-is-a-sociopath/358991.md?page=3)