# My kingdom for a bottle opener. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 26, 2009, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636 "2009-05-26T01:13:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/41 "2009-05-27T04:26:25Z")
Regular normal door latches work fairly well (probably easier than a fork, too), but I picked up a [wallet opener](http://www.sz-wholesale.com/uploadFiles/upimg5/Wallet-Bottle-Opener-775.jpg) a few years ago so don’t have to worry about it anymore. > [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > Pretty nifty. > > What is that guy’s accent? Bostonian with a dash of Irish? Broolyn with a bit of Something? WHAT IS IT??? > > Someone end my misery. Danish, according to the Myspace site he flashed up at the end of his video. ---
**Author:** ![RedRosesForMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/91b2a8/32.png) [@RedRosesForMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedRosesForMe)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/42 "2009-05-27T04:41:20Z")
> [@dbygawdcapn](#): > > Do you wear a ring? I have a friend who uses his wedding ring to open beer bottles. I’m pretty sure that was his entire reasoning to get married. My friend just got a ring yesterday for her birthday with a built-in bottle opener. The wide band has a hole in the middle, with a little tooth for the underside of the cap to catch on. But I bet you could do that with a regular ring too, although it would probably take a bit of practice. I prefer the lighter method and the bang it on the counter method. Banging it on the counter makes you look realy bad ass as a poster upthread mentioned. I’ve also wedged the bottle in a cabinet door, and a drawer, to open it before. I’m fairly confident I could open a bottle anywhere, anytime, without having to resort to my teeth. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/43 "2009-05-27T05:49:50Z")
Good news, everyone! **BlueKangaroo** now has a bottle opener in her possession. In other news, I am owed one (1) kingdom. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jkirkman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ac8455/32.png) [@jkirkman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jkirkman)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/44 "2009-05-27T16:16:19Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > She doesn’t have a can opener? What is she, a witch? Who doesn’t have a can opener? 😕 Well…once there were these three guys who went camping with a dog and forgot the can opener… [QUOTE=Jerome K. Jerome “Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog)”] Then Harris tried to open the tin with a pocket-knife, and broke the knife and cut himself badly; and George tried a pair of scissors, and the scissors flew up, and nearly put his eye out. While they were dressing their wounds, I tried to make a hole in the thing with the spiky end of the hitcher, and the hitcher slipped and jerked me out between the boat and the bank into two feet of muddy water, and the tin rolled over, uninjured, and broke a teacup. Then we all got mad. We took that tin out on the bank, and Harris went up into a field and got a big sharp stone, and I went back into the boat and brought out the mast, and George held the tin and Harris held the sharp end of his stone against the top of it, and I took the mast and poised it high up in the air, and gathered up all my strength and brought it down. It was George’s straw hat that saved his life that day. He keeps that hat now (what is left of it), and, of a winter’s evening, when the pipes are lit and the boys are telling stretchers about the dangers they have passed through, George brings it down and shows it round, and the stirring tale is told anew, with fresh exaggerations every time. Harris got off with merely a flesh wound. [/QUOTE] (This novel is now out of copyright and available from project g:) > **[Three men in a boat (to say nothing of the dog) by Jerome K. Jerome](https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/308)** > > Free eBook digitized and proofread by volunteers. ---
**Author:** ![BlueKangaroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@BlueKangaroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueKangaroo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/45 "2009-05-27T17:32:13Z")
I have a friend who can open bottles with his wedding ring, but he doesn’t like to do it. I don’t wear rings, so that wouldn’t work for me. However, **WhyNot** kindly supplied me with a bottle opener last night. So my long distress is over. Except I might still want to figure out how to do it with a dollar bill, because that’s just a neat trick. **WhyNot** , you should know that **Basandre** and I discussed it, and we’re pretty sure the two strongbows you got are worth more than my kingdom. I am a grad student, after all. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/46 "2009-05-27T19:23:41Z")
> [@BlueKangaroo](#): > > **WhyNot** , you should know that **Basandre** and I discussed it, and we’re pretty sure the two strongbows you got are worth more than my kingdom. I am a grad student, after all. _considers the likely value of the Royal Treasury and the Royal Student Loan Debt_ Y’know, I think I’m getting off easy. Two Strongbows it is, then! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rack-a-Bones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rack-a-Bones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rack-a-Bones)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/47 "2009-05-27T20:39:20Z")
**QED** ’s link above mentions a spatula. Back in college, a buddy of mine liked to keep a metal spatula in his back pocket and when opening his beer made a quick swipe with the side to send the bottle cap flying. Sometimes the whole top of the bottle went off with the cap so be careful where you point your spatula if you attempt this method. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/48 "2009-05-27T20:49:25Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > She doesn’t have a can opener? What is she, a witch? Who doesn’t have a can opener? 😕 Maybe she’s on one of those impossibly-low-salt-diets? Congrats on your new kingdom, even if the treasury is empty. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/49 "2009-05-27T20:56:59Z")
The flat surface and swift downward whack works best, however the striker plate on a doorframe works well too: it’s pretty much a bottle opener that’s been rotated 45 degrees. Just remember to tilt the bottle swiftly as the top pops off so you don’t spill any. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/50 "2009-05-27T21:16:50Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] You moonlight for a dentist or somethin’? Ouch! [/QUOTE] I moonlight as a drunk. Seriously, maybe I just have superteeth (which is actually somewhat true) but I’ve opened bottles with my teeth for years now without the slightest of ill effects. Not like, every day, but sometimes it’s just easier than rummaging around at a party in a strange house looking for an opener. ---
**Author:** ![BlueKangaroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@BlueKangaroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueKangaroo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/51 "2009-05-27T21:27:23Z")
I just can’t even conceive of it, **Troy McClure SF**. I mean, I can see not wanting to rummage around in a strange house, but I can’t fathom trying my teeth as an opener. Still, I bet it’s interesting to watch. ---
**Author:** ![vifslan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f4b2a3/32.png) [@vifslan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vifslan)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/52 "2009-05-27T22:10:24Z")
Out of idle interest, is it only possible to open champagne bottles using the blunt edge of a cavalry saber, or has someone tested it with bottles of other carbonated beverages as well? ---
**Author:** ![Qwakkeddup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/90ced4/32.png) [@Qwakkeddup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qwakkeddup)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2009, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/53 "2009-05-28T02:57:24Z")
While in my teens, I knew an older guy, around 45 years old. He had hands of leather, the size of big ole hams. He would grasp the bottle in one the top in the other, psht. He would stand by you and time it just right if you were using an opener, saying “pussy.” just as you cracked the seal. I just had him open mine. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2009, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636/54 "2009-05-28T10:26:19Z")
> [@vifslan](#): > > Out of idle interest, is it only possible to open champagne bottles using the blunt edge of a cavalry saber, or has someone tested it with bottles of other carbonated beverages as well? Eh, what’s all this about? I just take the cage off and twist the cork out. Or if it’s a particularly good week, just take the bottlecap off and give it a good sniff 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-kingdom-for-a-bottle-opener/497636.md?page=2)