# My leg came off and there's blood spurting out in jets, any advice?(ASAP!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 21, 2008, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609 "2008-02-21T20:13:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/61 "2008-02-21T22:43:00Z")
I’ve been having odd abdominal cramps all day. Now they’re about 2 minutes apart. And I have this odd desire to push. (push what?) Is it okay to take some pepto-bismal? StG ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/62 "2008-02-21T22:51:28Z")
[QUOTE=Genghis Bob] What happens if I press this button? [/QUOTE] Please do not press this button again! [QUOTE=Lobsang] What’s the number for 911? [/QUOTE] 912 I drank this bottle of liquid, it says “Ebola Zaire” on the label, is this some new kind of sports drink or something? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/63 "2008-02-21T22:54:49Z")
Sometimes I see pint glasses with a yellowy-green liquid left on walls near pubs in the morning. Ok to drink? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/64 "2008-02-21T22:59:15Z")
Okay, so… I’ve been dating this really great guy for three years. I mean, he’s really great. Except that he’s depressed and we haven’t had sex for a while. I kind of got pregnant from a one-night stand I had just recently - those early dectection pregnancy tests are worth the extra money. How do I quickly seduce my boyfriend so he thinks the baby is his? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/65 "2008-02-21T23:02:24Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] Okay, so… I’ve been dating this really great guy for three years. I mean, he’s really great. Except that he’s depressed and we haven’t had sex for a while. I kind of got pregnant from a one-night stand I had just recently - those early dectection pregnancy tests are worth the extra money. How do I quickly seduce my boyfriend so he thinks the baby is his? [/QUOTE] Tell him you obtained some of his sperm while he was asleep. Artificially inseminated yourself. And you’re going to leave and he’ll never see his kid ever… … Then come back ten months later and say you changed your mind. His releif will overcome his depression (assuming he didn’t top himself) ---
**Author:** ![DiggitCamara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2008, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/66 "2008-02-21T23:27:14Z")
[QUOTE=mnemosyne] Suddenly the letter bet **w** een q and e doesn’t //ork because of all the blood… //hat do I do? [/QUOTE] Liar! ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/67 "2008-02-22T19:34:08Z")
[QUOTE=DiggitCamara] Liar! [/QUOTE] Dammit. Ok, so it is malfunctioning irregularly…! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/68 "2008-02-22T19:40:56Z")
I accidentally inserted Tab A into Slot C, and I think I perforated it. What should I do? ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/69 "2008-02-22T19:58:49Z")
WTF? Met a hot girl at a party last night, hung out with her awhile, then started feeling a little weird. Just woke up in a hotel room bathtub full of ice with “CALL 911” written on the mirror in lipstick. Question: If I watch a couple of pay per view movies before I split, do you think they’ll be able to track me down to pay the charges? What about the mini bar? ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/70 "2008-02-23T01:40:39Z")
Bitten by a zombie and now I’ve got black streaks up my arm. Shot of whiskey and sleep it off? ---
**Author:** ![bannerrefugee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c68b51/32.png) [@bannerrefugee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bannerrefugee)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/71 "2008-02-23T02:32:48Z")
[QUOTE=Projammer] Bitten by a zombie and now I’ve got black streaks up my arm. Shot of whiskey and sleep it off? [/QUOTE] You need to remove your brains and wash the inside of your skull out with rubbing alcohol. Then everything will be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/72 "2008-02-23T09:35:14Z")
Been caught in nearby nuclear explosion: is it duck and cover, or is 1 out of 2 sufficient? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/73 "2008-02-23T13:02:46Z")
Hello, my name is Bosda. \_Hi Bosda!_\ I’m a Lycanthrope. But I can quit anytime I want to! ---
**Author:** ![Ferd\_Burfel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecccb3/32.png) [@Ferd\_Burfel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferd_Burfel)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/74 "2008-02-23T13:52:26Z")
A psychic on Montel told me that I wasn’t getting enough polonium, only now that I’ve been taking polonium supplements for a week and a half, it turns out that she may have said selenium. Is there really that much difference? ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/75 "2008-02-23T14:09:14Z")
Oh no! The dog swallowed the pin to my handgranade and I need a quick fix to replace it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Them](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@The\_Them](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Them)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/76 "2008-02-23T15:45:11Z")
How important is it that my stove is making a hissing sound? My friends are coming over for a cigar-smoking party, and the noise is rather distracting. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/77 "2008-02-23T17:10:50Z")
The sluices have opened at both ends and I have to blow my nose. I only have a single kleenex. In what order should I use it? ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/78 "2008-02-23T17:41:54Z")
[I](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chante_Jawan_Mallard) was at this really rad party and doing some really good shit and on the way home this inconsiderate homeless guy got stuck in the windshield of my car and came home with me. Now the car and him are in my garage and he is screaming at me. How do I get rid of him? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2008, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/79 "2008-02-24T02:57:43Z")
Everything is getting dark except right in front of me there’s a bright light. It’s like I’m looking down a tunnel or a long hallway. In the light I see my dead granfather beckoning me to come to him. Do I need a new monitor? ---
**Author:** ![Gorgonzola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e480ec/32.png) [@Gorgonzola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgonzola)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2008, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609/80 "2008-02-24T07:11:58Z")
I’m on vacation in Haiti and my friends paid for a call girl. Should I have used a condom to prevent pregnancy? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-leg-came-off-and-theres-blood-spurting-out-in-jets-any-advice-asap/438609.md?page=5)