# My little “there is someone out there for everyone rant. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 3, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873 "2003-05-03T16:35:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/41 "2003-05-06T07:34:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ratty \* > Seriously, “looking for the one” has probably ruined more attempts at dating than bad breath and poor fashion sense combined. “Looking for the one.” Jesus Christ, who the fuck are you, Lawrence Fishburne? Come now. Relationships are built on compromise. You put up with their annoying crap and they put up with yours, because past all that surface noise is another human being that you genuinely enjoy spending time with and with whom you might even want to exchange bodily fluids. I’m sorry **ratty** I very much disagree. I’d far rather be alone than have just “any old warm body” with whom I can “put up with their 'crap”. People deserve and need more in their relationships than just the what they can “stand to put up with”. Sex between two people who love each other should be a HELL of a lot more than “exchanging bodily fluids”. Hell, why even bother if it’s just sex? Most people can do a better job (technically speaking) themselves. I tell you what, my boyfriend and I are (sadly and long story) getting ready to part ways. We are the best of friends and have had a long wonderful time together. I don’t know what will ultimately happen. I am moving to the states, and he’s going off to learn to fly. Will we eventually end up together once he’s “sown his wild oats” and “found himself”? I don’t know. I do know one thing for DAMN sure. He’s leaving behind a tremendous “high water mark” that will be awfully tough for any other man to match insofar as how well we meshed in so many ways. I won’t just settle for any old warm body “whose crap I can put up with”. Like my mom always says “It’s better to BE alone, then wish like hell you WERE alone”. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/42 "2003-05-06T07:37:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*How about trying to be happy being single? You don’t _have_ to be in a relationship to be happy, do you? > > Esprix \*\* Huh! Says the guy who’s IN a happy relationship!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/43 "2003-05-06T08:27:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gmarkstephens \* > \*\* . Seriously, how on earth is one supposed to find a woman to date when one is thirty-four doesn’t drink and therefore hates bars and thinks that looking for a relationship at work is just about one of the worst things that on can do? > > Hell, I am not that picky. All I want is someone near my age that has also lived through addiction and a loveless marriage. \*\* Are you a ‘program’ person? AA and NA, and even Al-anon dances are pretty much stocked with available women. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/44 "2003-05-06T09:31:31Z")
I will go this far at least in agreeing with **ratty** : there are things about everybody out there in the whole world that are annoying. The trick is to find the person whose annoying habits annoy _you_ the least - either they don’t bother you at all or you even find them endearing. Never think that you’re going to find someone who is perfect in every way or even that will have nothing about them at all that you don’t like. People are just people, you know? pan ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/45 "2003-05-06T09:58:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kabbes \* > **I will go this far at least in agreeing with ratty: there are things about everybody out there in the whole world that are annoying. The trick is to find the person whose annoying habits annoy _you_ the least - either they don’t bother you at all or you even find them endearing.** Very true - one person’s irritating habit, another persons cute foible. ---
**Author:** ![gmarkstephens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gmarkstephens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gmarkstephens)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/46 "2003-05-06T14:35:55Z")
The “nice guy rant” can set off alarm bells I suppose however, that is where I find myself. I do not think that I am looking for advice on ways to find people to date. I intended just to rant about my current situation. For me leaving drug use behind required the abrupt loss most of my life and social identity. This is extremely liberating and most horrifying at the same time. I know that I will start dating again probably quite soon; however, I will have to relearn many relationship skills in the process. The nice guy rant, for me at least, stems from me wanting a relationship where I enjoy the company of another person rather than using guilt trips and manipulation to use the company of another person. This thread when you boil it down started with my fears about allowing myself to date again. I did start as a program person (NA) but I have a bad habit of taking care of others rather than myself so I backed away; choosing therapy as a more fitting tool for my life. I feel that going to NA to find a relationship is inviting disaster. If I had to name one place where I would like to find a relationship, it would be the UU church that I have been attending. All this said I will try for a more entertaining rant next time like the annoying habit that my umbrella seems to have of being in the wrong place when it is raining. If it is raining and I am in my apartment it is in my car on the other side of the parking lot, if I am in the parking lot at work it is at my desk if I am at my desk it is at my apartment. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/47 "2003-05-06T15:19:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*It’s just being LONELY. Wanting someone to kiss and cuddle and screw. That sort of thing. \*\* Bingo, **Guin**. Even though my marriage was Pure Hell near the end, that’s just what I miss. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/48 "2003-05-06T16:11:08Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **CanvasShoes** _ > > Huh! Says the guy who’s IN a happy relationship!!! 😃 Really? 😕 What’s his name? I guess I’m so happy, I didn’t even know I was in a relationship! Esprix ---
**Author:** ![PhiloVance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e19adc/32.png) [@PhiloVance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PhiloVance)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/49 "2003-05-06T16:35:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Yeah, good advice-then why am I always single? > > ☹ > > (I know, I’ll meet someone…someday…I refuse to give up hope!) \*\* Well, with 14032 posts, it’s doesn’t leave much time for relationship work/building! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/50 "2003-05-06T20:45:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*Really? 😕 What’s his name? I guess I’m so happy, I didn’t even know I was in a relationship! > > Esprix \*\* maybe I’m confusing you with someone else? I could have SWORN I’d seen you make references to your partner. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/51 "2003-05-06T21:01:28Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **CanvasShoes** _ > > maybe I’m confusing you with someone else? I could have SWORN I’d seen you make references to your partner. Which one? They come and go so quickly… 😉 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/52 "2003-05-07T07:42:01Z")
LOL! (on too many levels). Gee, and I can’t even hang onto ONE dang boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/53 "2003-05-07T20:13:52Z")
FTR, I am currently available, although there is someone I have been spending a lot of time with; however, I don’t anticipate it becoming serious, and I am continuing to date around as it suits me. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/54 "2003-05-07T20:54:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kabbes \* > \*\*People are just people, you know? > > \*\* Sing along! Chorus: _people are people, so why should it be, you and I should get along so awfully…_ meh, nevermind… ---
**Author:** ![Iolanthe\_Buttercup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Iolanthe\_Buttercup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iolanthe_Buttercup)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2003, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/55 "2003-05-07T21:28:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gmarkstephens \* > \*\* Hell, I am not that picky. All I want is someone near my age that has also lived through addiction and a loveless marriage. > > OK if she liked camping, tandem cooking, and a good book, was fun to be with, and didn’t run away at this being my story, she would be an exact match. > \*\* Hey, gmark! When’s the next time you’re gonna be in the DC area? You sound kinda cute! 😉 I don’t mind nice guys. But I’d have to ask, How much influence do the drugs still have in your life? I’ve dated an ex-addict, and even though he was no long shooting up, the drugs still controlled him. He couldn’t discuss anything without bringing the topic back around to drugs. If I tried politics - “Ya know, so-and-so’s daughter is an addict.” If we talked about music - “X-and-such band’s original drummer got busted for smack, that’s why they have Joe Blow, but he’s an addict too…” No matter what we did, where we went, or what we talked about, all he could think about was drugs. Obviously _that_ relationship didn’t last long. – Io ---
**Author:** ![gmarkstephens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@gmarkstephens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gmarkstephens)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873/56 "2003-05-08T14:30:12Z")
I do not make it to DC as often as I would like; when I do, I usually spend the day wandering the museums. I am not sure what causes the fascination with other peoples drug use in so many people after living through it. I could care less beyond wanting to continue to distance myself from that lifestyle. I enjoy meeting new people but I am not sure that I feel comfortable meeting someone for the first time in another city by myself, however; if you are interested in hitting the museums with my friends and I the next time we are in DC send me an email. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-little-there-is-someone-out-there-for-everyone-rant/172873.md?page=2)