# My minion hordes seize the Vatican...what's worth looting? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 24, 2009, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803 "2009-06-24T05:15:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/1 "2009-06-24T05:15:22Z")
Okay, it’s the near future: my evil hordes of [zombies](http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Set/2677/cborn2.gif), [robots](http://www.spiritgames.co.uk/image/rpg/680.jpg), and [zombie robot](http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/mlQLwwm6oqxMopFBaeZz3Q) (I value diversity in the workplace) minions have begun my conquest of Europe, and I’ve just swept through central Italy and seized Rome in my dread grasp. Since I’m a pretty thorough heathen, my question is: what’d be good to pillage from the Vatican, specifically? There’s the Sistine Chapel ceiling, for one, so I was going to have that torn out and shipped to the Imperial Museum.\* Are there any other good suggestions for plunder, before I raze the whole place, then raise the corpses buried therein as zombie cavalrymen? \*Once it’s built. Well, and once I raise a new landmass in the Atlantic to build it on. Admittedly, this might take awhile. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/2 "2009-06-24T05:22:05Z")
There’s all the artwork in the museum hallways and rooms just prior to the Sistine Chapel. (Bring a big truck). Me? I’m going for the Vatican porno collection (or is that a myth). I wouldn’t mind having a collection of lewd and obscene paintings from all around the world. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/3 "2009-06-24T07:23:12Z")
I’d want part of the correspondence collections, the letters and documents betweens popes, kings, queens, emperors, and so on. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/4 "2009-06-24T08:23:25Z")
I want the original, uncensored versions of the Gospels–all of them, not just the four they like–and all the letters between early church leaders that are too incriminating to have been included in the New Testament. Oh, and besides the famous porn collection I understand they have enough ‘devices’ to fill a wing of your museum. That would be worth seeing.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/5 "2009-06-24T08:42:31Z")
The porn collection is a myth, according to Cecil himself. However, beyond the metric fuckton of priceless art held in the vaults or exposed in the various museums, which is kind of boring and derivative (honestly, how many different depictions of the Deposition of Christ do you really need ?), there’s an imperial fuckton of gold leaf, gold cups, jewelry, urns, reliquaries etc… to melt down. Just wringing the Pope’s full regalia would probably yield a bullion or two. ---
**Author:** ![Ohime\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e8c25b/32.png) [@Ohime\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ohime_Rose)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/6 "2009-06-24T09:18:55Z")
Anyone seen Angels and Deamons? Awesome movie… Steal their props… ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/7 "2009-06-24T16:19:47Z")
The Pope’s [menorah](http://jewishjokes.tripod.com/pope-hanuk-memo.htm). For that matter, he’s probably got the rest of the Temple artifacts hidden in the basement somewhere (except the Ark, Indiana Jones has that). ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/8 "2009-06-24T16:47:02Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > However, beyond the metric fuckton of priceless art held in the vaults or exposed in the various museums, which is kind of boring and derivative (honestly, how many different depictions of the \*\*Deposition \*\*of Christ do you really need ?), Gack..even Christ himself couldnt avoid the legal machine! ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/9 "2009-06-24T16:59:42Z")
Anybody else think this was **Skald** at first? ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/10 "2009-06-24T17:32:09Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > Anybody else think this was **Skald** at first? Yeah I figured he was back to his evil ways. Guess not. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/11 "2009-06-24T22:22:25Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > Anybody else think this was **Skald** at first? Yup. Evil… it’s contagious. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/12 "2009-06-24T22:28:44Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > Anybody else think this was **Skald** at first? Hell, _I_ thought it was me at first. 😃 Of course, I would have begun by pointing out that I had resurrected Princess Diana from the dead and restored her to the fullness of her 20something hotness so she might be my bride. > [@tr0psn4j](#): > > Yeah I figured [Skald] was back to his evil ways. Guess not. If it’ll make you feel better, I can always rain flaming hamsters on Cardiff. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/13 "2009-06-24T23:16:02Z")
Nah, PETA would be after you. Use flaming midgets instead. ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2009, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/14 "2009-06-24T23:47:47Z")
I always liked Raphael’s fresco [The School of Athens](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_School_of_Athens). You could put it in your office. I’ve seen it in person, very impressive. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/15 "2009-06-25T00:26:59Z")
If I could smuggled it out, the [_Pietà_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pieta). ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/16 "2009-06-25T16:06:59Z")
I’d steal the [Laocoön](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laoco%C3%B6n). It would look great in my apartment. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/17 "2009-06-25T16:24:32Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > The porn collection is a myth, according to Cecil himself… Quite so: [Does the Vatican have the world’s largest pornography collection? - The Straight Dope](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/63/does-the-vatican-have-the-worlds-largest-pornography-collection) Plenty of loot there, no doubt. And you can start your shopping list here: [http://mv.vatican.va/3\_EN/pages/MV\_Musei.html](http://mv.vatican.va/3_EN/pages/MV_Musei.html) ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/18 "2009-06-26T01:57:25Z")
So… no porn, huh? OK, well while I think about a decent substitute, I put dibbs down on the roman bath in the round room: [http://image50.webshots.com/150/5/25/44/510252544MbFNIT\_fs.jpg](http://image50.webshots.com/150/5/25/44/510252544MbFNIT_fs.jpg) I always thought I could convert that into a wicked spa bath. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2009, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-minion-hordes-seize-the-vatican-whats-worth-looting/500803/19 "2009-06-26T02:03:50Z")
**Guinastasia** , Mind if I come visit? See, I got this kid that really needs a Mom that is not in the pokey. However, I’d really like to see it in person. Can you imagine the dirt in their archives? I would so geek out on it. Would make $cientologies PC folders look absolutely pristine.