# My Mom is Dying **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 6, 2008, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485 "2008-02-06T06:51:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wilson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@Wilson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wilson)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/1 "2008-02-06T06:51:48Z")
Hi everyone… I know I’m not a very well known poster, but I’ve been around a while and read the SDMB pretty much every day. So I sort of feel like this place is a kind of home, and where I’m at right now I’m finding it a little cathartic (sp?) to write. And since I don’t have a LiveJournal, this place is it. My mom, in her 60s now, had a reoccurance of her breast cancer that was first diagnosed about 16 months ago. She had in fact had two episodes of breast cancer, the first fifteen years ago and then again about seven. Well, despite thinking she had beaten those, the cancer came back. It spread to her lymph nodes and her liver. Over the course of the last year plus, she’s been on several different chemo treatments, some of which worked well for a time (the lymph node problems were beaten back), but none did much more than a holding ground on her liver. One chemo treatment stopped working this past November. She tried one experimental medicine, but it didn’t react well with her. So, shades of **David Simmons** , in early January she, my stepdad, and her doctors decided to stop treatment, enroll in hopsice, and let nature take it’s course. Our family is very scattered - my mom and stepdad are out in LA, and my sibs and her sisters are scattered around the globe. Most everyone got out to see her in January. I just got out here a few days ago - because of the rush of visitors up till now. When I got here five days ago, my mom was doing pretty ok - weak, tired, sleeping a lot, but still herself mentally. I got to spend some quality time with her, but I was not thinking that time was quite limited. Yesterday morning her pain became quite bad, and the hospice people upped the medication for that. By yesterday evening she had become quite confused and by today she was even more out of it. She was aware this morning, but by mid afternoon she was no longer coherent and now she is not even conscious. Ah well, I’m doing what I do which is dwell on the details. The important thing is that she is dying, pretty fast at this point. The family is coming in from all ends of the earth as we speak, but I doubt she’ll even regain consciousness. She’s been a great mom, sure we’ve had a rough spot or two, but she was always there for us and has done a great job keeping the family close. She’s a real people person - always concerned about others - even over the last few days as she was fading she was always reminding me to do stuff for my stepdad so that he didn’t push himself too hard. She’s been on the opposite coast from me for the last fifteen years, but still we’ve been quite close, and I’d see her two or three times a year at least. It’s hard to imagine not having her be at least a phone call away, not to get any silly jokes forwarded to me from her via email. And this coming less than three years after her mom, the real matriarch of the family, passed on… the two most important people in my upbringing will soon both be gone. I know the rest of the family will still be around, and that we’ll adjust to her not being there as we did with my grandmother, but she’s always been the glue that kept the family together. And I never felt I really had to grow up with her still around… well I guess it is time now, as I’m almost 40. Well, time to cut this short, for whoever got through this, thank you for reading these rambling posts. It’s quite late here, I should try to get some sleep. I guess the only sort of point I want to make at the end of all this – something we all should already know, but I know I for one needed a reminded – is don’t take for granted the time that you do have. Don’t put off the visits, make the most of the time you do have, and say what you want to say when you can. Even in my mom’s situation, when we had a clue the end was near, we never thought it would come this fast. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I hadn’t at least had these last few days. ---
**Author:** ![BaneSidhe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c5a1d2/32.png) [@BaneSidhe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaneSidhe)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/2 "2008-02-06T07:08:05Z")
I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom. Sending comfort and peace vibes your way. ---
**Author:** ![ShermanAter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ShermanAter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShermanAter)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/3 "2008-02-06T07:18:14Z")
Wilson, My heat goes out to you and the rest of your family. I lost my Mom 20 years ago today and I still miss her. Ive typed 4 or 5 different things to tell you and Ive erased every one of them. I know there is nothing I could say to ease your aching heart. May you find peace as you remember the good times, don’t dwell on the regrets and relish the quality times you had to share while she was fading. Hang in there ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Lord\_Il\_Palazzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Il_Palazzo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/4 "2008-02-06T07:30:39Z")
I’m so sorry to here this **Wilson**. I lost my mother to breast cancer (also a recurrence, also spreading to the liver) a little over five years ago and it’s not something anyone should ever have to go through. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this sad and difficult time. God bless you all. PS: If there’s any advice I can offer you, it’s this. Everyone heals in their own way following a loss this great. Use your family to help you recover from this. In hard times, people can either grow together or grow apart. I pray that you and your family may be a case of the former. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/5 "2008-02-06T11:27:32Z")
I’m very sorry, and hope your family can make it through this. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/6 "2008-02-06T11:31:27Z")
I lost my own mother not 5 months ago, in a similar manner and at a similar age. I hope that you are able, as I and my siblings (and my father) were, both to hold her memory dear, and to keep living your own life – for you and those loved ones still with you. You are in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/7 "2008-02-06T11:43:46Z")
I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s condition - I wish there was something useful to be said, but I don’t think there is. I’ll be keeping you all in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/8 "2008-02-06T11:47:54Z")
Your mom, and you, and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers. ---
**Author:** ![Wilson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@Wilson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wilson)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/9 "2008-02-06T12:37:38Z")
Thank you all… She passed away about two hours ago. I know in a way it was best that it went so quick, but it doesn’t make it any easier. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/10 "2008-02-06T13:27:44Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss, **Wilson**. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/11 "2008-02-06T13:48:08Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, **Wilson**. And happy you got to spend time with her at the end. StG ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/12 "2008-02-06T14:15:40Z")
I am sorry to hear of your loss. May whatever gods there be, be with you and your family now. Sending supporting thoughts your way. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/13 "2008-02-06T15:46:47Z")
I’m so sorry, **Wilson**. I hope she finds peace and I wish you all strength and comfort in each others company. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/14 "2008-02-06T15:49:29Z")
[QUOTE=Wilson] I guess the only sort of point I want to make at the end of all this – something we all should already know, but I know I for one needed a reminded – is don’t take for granted the time that you do have. Don’t put off the visits, make the most of the time you do have, and say what you want to say when you can. Even in my mom’s situation, when we had a clue the end was near, we never thought it would come this fast. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I hadn’t at least had these last few days. [/QUOTE] Thank you, **Wilson**. Everyone who can, hug your loved ones today. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/15 "2008-02-06T15:50:06Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m praying for you and your family’s peace during this time. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/16 "2008-02-06T16:27:03Z")
So sorry. Sending you a hug. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/17 "2008-02-06T17:23:11Z")
My sincerest sympathy, Wilson. I lost both my parents in 2007 so understand your sorrow. My best to you. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2008, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/18 "2008-02-06T18:22:03Z")
Peace be with you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2008, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/19 "2008-02-07T00:16:28Z")
I lost my Mom more or less the same way. We’re here for you. Keep posting & talk it out. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2008, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485/20 "2008-02-07T00:26:09Z")
**Wilson** , I’m sorry for your loss. I wish strength for you and your family, now. And peace. God bless. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-dying/436485.md?page=2)